Incoming lengthy philosophical rant

There was a video going around on Facebook that I decided I wanted to comment on, and I just kind of went on a tear. For archival purposes, and possibly to reach a wider audience, I'm reposting the whole rant here:

Let's just clear the air

I keep seeing the arguments online going the same way they always do, and while I seriously doubt anybody who needs to hear this ever will, I'm going to say it anyway, just on the off chance one of them might be listening. Sorry if it gets too long-winded.