Re: Facebook Animal Activists

Warning: Sad Images of Animal Cruelty Ahead

Now, I'll be the first to tell you, a lot of good can be done with Facebook. There are numerous apps that donate their advertising proceeds to worthwhile causes. Similarly, I think the Causes app is a nice way to recruit people to a crisis or crises that are important to you. What I have a problem with is "activists" who make causes just for the sake of having more causes. Case in point, the cause above.

Okay, I get it. Soldiers in other countries don't love dogs as much as you do. Considering there are a lot of soldiers the world over that treat people just as badly, you'll have to forgive me if I'm not shedding more tears for the poor pooch. I know animal cruelty is horrible, and I'd be happy to help stop it if I could. But how does crap like this help? It even says on the Cause page that donations go toward the Massachusetts SPCA. How exactly do donations to a New-England-based MSPCA have any effect on dogs living in fucking South America?

See, this is what I hate. Every time something bad happens to an animal anywhere on the planet, somebody decides they have to show their outrage by making a big stink about it. Right, because not pestering everyone you know with this story somehow means you're a dog hater.

Hey, I've bought into this crap before. When that one petition started circulating to press authorities to give that chick who threw her friend's kitten in the oven the maximum penalty, I was on board. I signed, I joined the cause, and I forwarded the petition to more people than I care to remember. Did my 'action' have any positive effect? Hell if I know; I have yet to hear any news updates on this. Considering Causes is a social network app that's basically designed for sharing with others, the people behind that cause sure do a lousy job of sharing information on this story. Makes you wonder what they were really trying to accomplish, huh?

Look folks, if you want to make a positive impact in the world, good for you, but causes like this don't do much of anything besides generate more outrage. As a proponent of world peace, I can't encourage anything that spreads even more hate and anger. We all know there are a lot of atrocities in the world. Shoving each and every one down my throat isn't making a positive difference, it's just giving you a pathetic sense of false achievement to prop up your ego and convince you that you're doing something that matters with your life.

Hey, activists: you wanna help the SPCA? Great. Go volunteer at your local animal shelter, or donate money. Hell, you can even ask me to do the same once in a while if you like. But don't use garbage like this to guilt me into helping. I already feel guilty enough about the kinds of people I share this big spinning rock with. I don't need any more misery added on my plate right now. I promise, once I strike it rich, I'll make sure to use my influence to help those in need, but in the meantime I'd like not to have the worst segments of the news shoved in my face all the time. I haven't had a good night's sleep in months, and I'd like to break that chain. The picture of the strung-up dog being shot at doesn't help with that.

UPDATE:
Bolivia Bans Military Abuse of Animals

Oh, goody. The squeaky wheel gets the oil, I suppose. So, maybe sharing information can sometimes help influence things. However, it's safe to say the above decision was made as a result of other groups' actions, such as loud-mouthed PETA people making Bolivia look bad in the public eye. There is, however, still a problem with trying to make waves on Facebook with this stuff. Can you guess what it is? Well?

Okay, here it is: that article was posted on April 1st of this year. I got invited to the Bolivian Soldiers Hate group today. Yes, I'm now being harassed with causes that I not only can't help with, but causes that were already resolved months earlier.

"Oh, but Peru hasn't supported the ban yet!" you might say. "Well," I might respond, "Let me know when some headway was made on that." I say 'was', because considering it's August now, there have likely been a lot of updates on this.

Well, there's one more for you: If you want to be an activist, at least be an informed activist. I don't need any more old news from the outraged and the ignorant.

It's funny how those who know the least about an issue seem to argue the loudest, huh? Yeah, so funny I nearly laughed myself into a fit of insanity. All the intelligent and well-learned people we have left on the world, and yet these obnoxious activists are the people who get a voice in today's society? God, I weep for our grandchildren.

Welcome

I don't know if anyone's noticed, but I've been adding a lot to my greeting line thing on the top of the page. Right now, there are 41 random greetings you can get. Seen them all yet? Of course not, because odds are you're Jordan and you like to disable javascript with browser add-ons, you friggin' spoil-sport you.

By the way, I'm working on an idea I had for an online browser-based game. The main obstacle right now is that I don't have a dedicated web server to use. At least, not one with enough bandwidth and whatnot. If anyone can suggest a good solution for this problem, I'm all ears.

More on this story as it develops, or fails to do so.

P.S. Random post tags are random.

The Imponderable Equation

Maybe I'm just crazy, seeing patterns where there are none but random coincidence, but I feel like there's something strange hidden in the music of George Michael that has some kind of connection to modern hard rock.

Okay, so here's how it starts: Seether recently did a remake of Careless Whisper, originally by George Michael (and/or WHAM). Okay, so that's one song. If it stopped there, I wouldn't give it a second though.

But there's more. While looking up the lyrics to the song, I found the original George Michael song listed under an album by George Michael called Ladies and Gentlemen. Wait... Ladies and Gentlemen? That's the title of a hit single Saliva released a year or so ago.

What's going on here? Do the connections run even deeper than this? Am I just completely out of my mind?!
(Likely answers to the above questions, in order: Probably; No; Yes)

Whatever. If you see any other obvious connections, let me know. I'm done trying to research this craziness.

Re: A little higher...

EDIT: I realized a day after posting that I had linked to the wrong video. The first link now goes to the video I had meant to put here in the first place. The one I did link to yesterday is still here, now labelled 'Review'.

Just an update on this post. (You can follow the link, or just scroll down) There are a couple things on YouTube that seem to work as well. Two that work very well are:

• The Surefire Pen Demo - I kind of wonder why this needed to be made. It's not really a product that needs to be demonstrated. Are we all that simple that we can't figure out how to operate a pen on our own? I'm not mad, though. Instead, I've got this weird kind of feeling again...


• The Surefire Pen Review - A much longer video, but at least it's somewhat more informative. Still seems to give me that weird feeling...


• SureFire Flashlight Demo - About the same feeling as before. It's a video that never needed to be made, yet watching it brings me joy. Inexplicable, but the serenity is undeniable.

Again, if anyone knows what the hell I'm talking about and can clue me in to what's happening, please let me know.

I have no idea what's going on

I think my brain esploded.



Seriously, I'll have a good update for this thing soon. Assuming I've recovered from this... logical anomaly.

Re: Email from Ronald Sarner

This day just keeps getting better and better...

"...We have several personnel changes in the department.

Professor Rosemary Mullick returns to full-time teaching after a four-year stint as Interim Vice President for Academic Affairs. We welcome her back, and are pleased that she has agreed to develop a new course in Computer-Human Interaction for this semester.

Professor Geethapriya Thamilarasu joins us as an assistant professor, having just completed a Ph.D. in Computer Science and Engineering at SUNY-Buffalo. She previously interned at Deutsche Telekom Laboratories in Berlin, developing an intrusion detection system for wireless sensor networks. Her particular area of interest is wireless network security, and she will be developing a wireless sensor lab and using it for courses in both computer science and in telecommunications. For the fall semester she will be teaching both disciplines and her computer science course will be Software Engineering.

Professor Henry Wu also joins us as an assistant professor coming from the CIS department at Cal State Polytech in Pomona, California. He has more than a decade of experience as a telecommunications engineer and holds a Ph.D. in Electrical Engineering from Oklahoma State. His teaching assignments this semester will be in telecommunications.

Professor Michael deMare has left SUNYIT and we extend our best wishes to him in his future endeavors....,"

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH!!!!!!!!!!!



Oh, god. Sorry, I couldn't help myself. I mean, come on, this is DeMare we're talking about! I told everyone in the class that I would get him fired if it was the last thing I ever do. How can I not gloat? :D

:O

I know it's very crazy for me to be making 3 posts in one day, but...

Holy crap!

Blog-to-Blog: Fundulus schmundulus

I just found this post from Kelly Weinersmith enlightening, and thought I'd pass it on to you. Of course, if you're one of my regular readers, you probably already read SMBC, and by extension have been linked to Kelly's blog. But, just in case you're the other reader, here's a link for you:

Fundulus schmundulus: My Beef With Bottled Water

A little higher... Yeah, right there...

Okay, this is likely going to seem like it's coming from out of the clear blue sky, but it's not. This has been going on for as long as I can remember; I'm just now finally writing about it. In my life, I've never heard of this kind of thing happening to anyone else, so if it sounds familiar to you, tell me what you know.

There is something happening to me that has been bugging me for some time now. Once in a while, I get this strange sensation that I can't explain. It's a little like a cold shiver on the back of my head and neck, but it's not really cold. In fact, it's kind of pleasant; like being petted by some invisible hand with chilly fingers. It's very relaxing, but usually quite fleeting since I have no idea where it comes from or how to get it to stay longer. On occasion I've gotten goosebumps on my skin as if I really were cold, but otherwise there is no obvious physical effect.

So, I've been trying like hell to figure out what this sensation is for years, but have come up with very little. The trouble is I don't know exactly what triggers it. I have noticed that a few specific things tend to trigger the sensation, but not always. The most common ones are:

• Going to the chiropractor (the sensation comes on immediately afterward)


• Goofy porno dialogue


• Bon Jovi's "Wanted Dead or Alive" and "Blaze of Glory"


• This (although not always)


• Some children's tv shows

There may be others, but I can't think of them at the moment. If any readers know what the hell I'm talking about, please fill me in. Until then, I'll keep up my own 'research.'

Peace and love, y'all.

Re:Re: Chrome

Update on my experience with the new browser. Aside from the lack of customization and zero support for third-party extensions, it's been pretty good to me so far. There seem to be some little bugs cropping up, though. Among them:

• The 'find in page' box will randomly disappear when you switch tabs


• Radio buttons for polls sometimes won't load properly. This just started today, and I really don't get it. The radio buttons are still there and can be clicked on, but they're invisible. Wtf?


• Similarly, the arrow on drop-down boxes sometimes doesn't appear. Weird.


• Some pages designed by marketing idiots still don't recognize Chrome. They'll give you a "This page isn't compatible with Netscape" message or something. Granted, that's mostly the page designers' fault, but still...

More on this story and others as they develop.

Hey

This is Dan.

...I got nothing.

Happy 4th of July

Just a preemptive Happy F@#k-The-British Day. If I had my way, that name would always be used in place of Independence Day. I have nothing in particular against England. I just like offensive holiday names.

Anyway, I'm writing this on Friday since I'm guessing I won't get around to it tomorrow. As you read this, I'm likely still absorbed in the Twilight Zone marathon. So, I'll just direct you to a special little 4th of July present I got from Tosh.0


EMBED-Hot Girl Pulls Off Insane Golf Trick Shot - Watch more free videos

Re: Chrome - Ooh, shiny...

So, as some of you know, I'm a long-time user and lover of Firefox. It's not perfect, and the memory leaks have wreaked hell on my laptop, but I've just always loved the sheer range of customization it allows. From simple themes to all manner of add-ons, it's always been good to me.

However, after a while tinkering with it, I think I finally managed to break my Firefox installation. Aside from the increasingly frequent crashes, I somehow broke FF's ability to save cookies after closing. So, while I still love my Firefox and will probably keep using it if only for the downloader/converter app, I decided it's finally time to look into getting a new full-time browser.

I've heard enough by now about this Google Chrome thing. I've enjoyed Google's various sites and services for sometime now. I know a lot of people were freaked when Google bought out YouTube, but to me all it means is I get to log in to both at the same time. And while AdSense hasn't exactly made me rich, it's comforting to have around just in case I achieve Internet notoriety someday.

So, I finally broke down and installed Chrome. I'm typing up this post now, after having had it on my computer for less than 12 hours. I'll probably have a fuller review later, but right now I already have a few first-impressions to talk about.

For starters, I think it's safe to say that any long-time Windows users will be thrown for a loop by Chrome's layout. The interface is very minimalist; the main menu bar I'm used to seeing at the top of every window outright doesn't exist. But still, Chrome provides just about all the tools I could want in a browser, just not in the places I remember them.

There are a number of cool features, some of which I haven't even had a chance to use yet. For one, there is tabbed browsing, which is pretty much a browser must-have these days. Hell, even IE has tabs now. But Chrome has a new way of doing tabs. Instead of just a blank page, it loads up a shortlist of pages you've visited before as suggestions. If you ever forget the URL of a page you were at recently and neglected to bookmark it, this can be quite handy.

Speaking of bookmarks, Chrome boasts that it can not only bookmark your pages, but save pages into apps for you so you can access them again quickly and easily. I haven't tried this one yet, but I'll let you know what I think.

Of course, being a product of Google, Chrome has integrated Google search functionality and navigation error suggestions right into the address bar. And on the off chance you somehow dislike Google's search capabilities, you can choose a different default search engine as well.

Chrome also has a lot of nice behind-the-scenes stuff built in. It uses this DNS pre-fetching thing to help pages load and reload faster, comes with its won pop-up blocking app, and has numerous other security features to protect against known threatss. Today, for instance, I was visiting a site which used automated ads (as many do), and when an ad from a suspicious domain name appeared, before I even saw it on the screen, Chrome immediately stopped loading the page and warned me about the ad before continuing. Pretty sweet, Chrome.

And, if you're really feeling rowdy, you can also play IT-guru and do some amateur debugging with Chrome's built-in task manager application. I can't vouch for how well it works, though. I haven't really had cause to use it yet. According to my system, Chrome runs on around an average of 30 MB of memory, which is less than half what my broken Firefox did on good days. For my little-laptop-that-could, this is a very welcome upgrade.

Now, for downsides: as I said, it takes a bit to get used to the layout, and if you're not very technically inclined, you might be pretty lost the first time you start up. Also, I'm not digging the default blue and white color scheme. There's probably a way to customize the skin/colors, but as I said these options are not immediately obvious or simple to access. At least, not to a new user.

Similarly, while Chrome was very helpful in letting me carry over all my Firefox settings, saved pages and passwords, and even my Realplayer plugin, it doesn't have all the custom add-ons I know and love from my Firefox. I don't know yet if Chrome has an equivalent add-ons and widgets network, but I'm still looking into it.

So, I'm liking Google Chrome thus far. It took a few minutes to get used to the UI, but it's serving me quite well so far. It seems to be somewhat lacking in customization options, but that may yet change. At the least, this seems like a nice stable browser for everyday use, which is just what I needed. I'm not ready to call it love at first sight, but I'll keep updating on it as I go. Check back for more later.

Peace and love, you techy nerds. And ff you love/hate Google Chrome, don't hesitate to sound off in the comments.

Re: America, F@#k yeah!

On my last rant post, I talked about moving to another country. I know that's probably not something that should be thrown around too lightly. To tell you the truth, I was in a pretty rotten mood that day to begin with.

Anyway, the way President Obama has been responding to criticism of the US approach to Iran and the healthcare reform plan the last few days, I think maybe we're going to be okay. Maybe it's silly, but it puts my mind at ease to know the most powerful man in our government has America's future at heart. The fundamentals of the economy might not be perfect, but the fundamentals of the American spirit haven't been shaken. I guess I was just a little too short-sighted to feel that way; national pride never was a big thing for me anyway. But then, pride in general never was. I'm kind of a pessimist, if you hadn't noticed.

To sum up, I guess I won't be buying that one-way ticket anytime soon. I'll probably bitch and moan quite a bit, but nothing so drastic as that. I know some people aren't fond of anti-America talk, but if anything it shows I'm still an American at heart. I don't sit back and accept crap from my government. They're supposed to represent me; I expect them all to take their jobs seriously. Right now, I trust Obama to take us in the right direction. Now, if our senators and governors would just follow suit...

Social Theory, and Beating People with Sticks

No, the two topics are not related.

I have two kind of random things to talk about tonight. Firstly, while discussing this healthcare business with my family, I became very frustrated. Things were especially weird toward the beginning of President Obama's televised discussion group thingy that was on ABC around 10 o'clock. The way we discussed it during the first commercial break, it felt like my mom and I were talking about two different pieces of video.

I realized this kind of thing happens a lot, so I thought, hey, could there be something to this? Or is my mom just as dumb as a post? I'd like to think she's not, so to explore this business, I started a little theoretical research project for myself (and Hubpages, since I haven't posted there in a while), regarding the subjectivity of reality:

Is reality subjective?

If anyone has an opinion, or better yet some evidence or personal experience to help me with this project, please let me know. You can post a comment here, answer at Hubpages, message me on Facebook, or email me. To anyone interested in helping out, thanks in advance.



Okay, second: I was thinking, our generation really needs a new sport. I'm not really a sports guy, per-se. I've played some golf, and I was a madman at bowling in high school, but I don't really have a sport to love and call my own. So, I thought, what kinds of things do I like to do that don't involve physical activity, but could? Well, how about pwning the crap out of some noobs?

That's when I got this idea. People like to play fantasy fighting games on videogame consoles and the Internet, but the experience is still kind of artificial. To really get the blood flowing, why not make a real-world equivalent? I'd be kind of like LARPing, but without all the nerdy crap.

The original inspiration for this came a long time ago. A friend of mine from high-school once invited me to join this game of capture the flag with him and his friends. What made this game cool was that we all were equipped with wooden swords and hockey sticks and the like. When encountering members of the opposite team, an exciting battle took place. The first to get hit lost the fray; if you were on opposing turf, you had to go back to your home base to "respawn," and losers on their own turf would have to kneel for 20 seconds before rejoining the game. Good fun and excitement to be had, but no serious danger involved. Okay, I did kind of get my kidney crushed when one guy did this epic leap over me to escape certain doom, but otherwise it was a lot of fun.

So, deriving from what made that game awesome, here's my idea: a new sport of fantasy fighting with artificial weapons. Everyone plays quick and fierce like a real fight, but no one gets seriously injured. Although I'd plan many different kinds of matches, the main event would be simple one-on-one fights. Players score points by getting a successful hit on their opponent. Then, of course, we'd have variants of that; ie, first to 5 points wins, most points in 60 seconds wins, etc.

I figure we could take it further than that, too. We could divide it up into beginner, intermediate and expert ranks (with cooler names than that, of course. The expert rank would probably be called Elite or Master or something). For beginners, all weapons would be light plastic or foam, and points would only be awarded for hits on the torso or arms (to make things less vicious), and you couldn't hit someone while they're down like in boxing. For the experts, wooden weapons would be allowed, and all manner of crazy tactics like leg sweeps and down attacks would be permitted. Groin shots? Not encouraged, but they'll still count, so if you want to join the expert ranks, wear a cup. And of course the intermediate rank(s) would fall somewhere in between kiddie-time and anything-goes.

Those are just some of the preliminary notes. I'm thinking that once I've got a working plan, I'll set up a fun tournament or something and host it at Indian Meadows Park down the way from my house. That way the BHBL alumni can come have some fun on summer break. If that's successful (and even if it's not really) I'll bring the concept to SUNYIT in the fall. I don't know exactly how much interest there is for this, but I'm better if I provide some of my own weaponry, people will show up. Come on, it's an excuse to hit people with sticks!

Again, if this business tickles your fancy, please drop me an email, message me on Facebook or comment here. I'll get back to you, we can discuss particulars, and maybe set up some kind of event to try it out.

That's about it for now. Stay cool, readers.

WTF?

Does anyone know what this song in the Howard Johnson commercial is called or where it came from? I get some kind of weird contact high whenever I hear it. Some people say it has subliminal messages in it or something. I'm not sure that's true, but I wouldn't rule it out.

Re: the Government

Now that I think of it, that post about the Obama action figure was probably a little late coming. Obamania isn't exactly what it used to be. I think I kind of missed the boat on that one.

My parents seem to outright dislike Obama. I agree that his handling of the economy has been less than excellent. I think he's got some good ideas, but bailing out those failing companies was all wrong. Helping the guys who helped get us into this mess really won't make things any better. We need more work programs to create jobs and improve our cities' infrastructures.

Oh, and it wouldn't kill us to put a little more effort into this 'clean, renewable energy source' that sci-fi writers have been dangling over our heads since before I was born. Have we completely given up on solar, wind or even nuclear power? We've got state-of-the-art military weapon systems that can execute a surgical strike and wipe an enemy stronghold off the map from 3000 miles away without even messing up the lawns in the surrounding civilian areas, yet we still can't generate electricity without burning fossil fuels.

We have the capability of bringing about the energy revolution. I don't understand why this crap is allowed to continue. I mean, is everyone in charge of this stuff really that dense? Or are we just too set in our ways to do anything good for mankind?

You know, this is a rotten time in my life, because it's seriously hard to tell how my depression is doing. I can't tell if I'm miserable because of a medical condition or because the world is falling apart all around me, could easily be fixed with a little time and effort, and everyone who has the ability to do anything about it is too god damn stupid to get their priorities straight.

By the way, since I haven't mentioned it in a while, I'm still working on my plans to take over the world. I might as well; humanity is too stupid to take of itself. If I controlled the world under a single government, at least we'd have half a chance in hell of surviving as a species. With the people we've got running things now, we're screwed. Obama's a decent leader, but congress is still full of idiots, and state governments are like a 3-ring circus, especially here in New York.

Seriously, do Senators these days give a shit about anything but politics anymore? We're in serious need of more jobs, more money, better regulation in just about everything, but all these idiots care about is whose party gets to have the majority. Who gives a shit? Do what you were elected to do and support your constituents. I've seen high school mock senates who worked better. You're supposed to be working for your state, for your district, for your people. You're not there to push your own agenda and the agenda of whatever party you identify with. The position of senator is supposed to be a position worthy of courtesy and respect. Act like it, you babies!

Alright, I'm through. As soon as I'm able, I'm moving to Sweden. Or Finland. Or Mars if the option becomes available. The further I get away from people and government, the happier I'll be.

Unless, of course, I do manage to take over the world. At least then I'll be able to sleep at night. The world might still be going to hell, but I'll finally be in a position to do something about it.

\m/ - Fucillo Freakout - \m/

For those who don't know, Billy Fucillo is a car dealer operating in the central New York area. Apparently he's pretty well off, since he can afford to buy a lot of air time. He comes out with a new crappy home-made commercial every week. Originally, he always did his ads with his spokesman buddy Tom Parks. Tom's usually kind of dry to listen to, but it turns out he can rock a guitar.



The commercials are bad, but at least Tom makes an effort to keep things professional. When Billy goes to town on his own, it's a scary affair.



His latest gimmick is to use his new employee Caroline as a glorified car model. She's in the commercials, but has few or no lines, and pretty much always wears something low-cut. I'm not saying it's on purpose, but it's safe to say when the commercial comes on, you won't be fixing your eyes on Billy's greasy forehead.

Now me, I miss Tom. Some of Fucillo's best ads featured enjoyable (albeit badly improvised) banter between Tom and Billy, Tom playing guitar, or just Tom by himself. In fact, the less we have to see of Billy in these commercials the better.

He has his own what?!

Really? We're so stricken with Obamania now that the dude gets his own action figure? I don't see too many other presidents who can boast that, let alone boast it less than six months into their first term.

...Okay, seriously, I have to have one of these. :D

You're gonna love my nuts

Sorry, couldn't help it.

The North River Lodge

I've started this little project for my buddies at UDPB, but I'm inviting everyone to join in.

The North River Lodge

What is this, you ask? Basically, it's a forum-based role-playing game. Players will be in the roles of contestants competing in a dangerous game to win tens of millions of dollars. It's going to be full of unexpected surprises, and in all likelihood most characters won't live to see the end of the game.

If this sounds interesting to you, head over to the UDPB forum, then sign up by responding to the above thread in the RP board. If possible, give a nice description and back-story for your character, and choose what skills if any they'll have. (You can do this later if you prefer)

So, what do you say? Have the nerve for it?

This made me happy

I don't know how I missed this episode the first time around. God bless the YouTube.

I have yellow teeth, and I'm fine with it

For some reason, lately whenever I open my hotmail inbox, I see not one, not two, but three ads on the same page advertising teeth whitening products. My initial thought was, how in the hell do they know me so well? If you've ever spent enough time around my mouth, and I know you wish you had, ladies, you'd find that, aside from my slightly crooked bottom teeth, and the most intense case of chronic bad breath you've ever seen, I have yellow teeth.

For the sake of preserving what's left of your opinion of me, I'd like to point out that my teeth coloration is not for lack of oral hygiene. I brush an average of twice a day, floss whenever I remember to, and I've never had a cavity in my life. However, ever since I was little, I've loved apple juice. Where most kids loved soda, I drank apple juice nearly every day of my childhood. I still do, in fact, but in somewhat lighter quantities. The trouble is, all that acidic juice leaves an impact on teeth. Aside from mild erosion of enamel, over 20 years of juice has left a light bronzy stain on my teeth, similar to what some daily coffee drinkers get. The result: my teeth are healthy enough, but permanently tainted with a yellow hue.

Now that I've gotten that out, one might pose the question, "Dan, why not try some of these fine whitening products being advertised?" Well, the simple answer is this: I don't give a fuck about having white teeth. What do I need white teeth for? To light up my winning smile? This is me we're talking about. In my entire life, my parents have acquired maybe half a dozen pictures where I actually smiled, and only one where I showed any teeth. Why?

For one, I'm a miserable fuck who'd rather scowl than smile. I've gotten to the point where even if I'm actually happy, I'm more likely to flash an evil-looking smirk than a genuine smile. Of course, I'm usually happy at someone else's expense, so that's usually quite appropriate.

For another thing, that recent picture of me smiling enlightened people to what I already knew: I have a very creepy-looking smile. There's no way around it. I'm a creepy dude, and smiling just makes it worse. I don't know why. I was an adorably cute little kid. My smile was a sparkling example of youthful joy. My parents took me to professional photographers all the time just to capture that vibrant smile in celluloid form.

And then I got older. And God only knows what happened, but now I'm just a hopelessly creepy little goblin. I'm not totally sure why I don't smile more often. Maybe it's because I'm actually a little ashamed of the fact that I'm a letcherous goon with deep-seated resentment for myself and the entire human race. Maybe it's because I have yellow teeth.

Well, call me nuts, but I'm going with the former. I've had yellow teeth a long time, and I've been a depressing creep for just as long. There's no sense in trying to change that about myself now. Even if I do one day become self-actualized enough to be happy with myself, I really don't care enough to have white teeth. Aside from the general vanity of it, my teeth are a reminder to me of the kind of person I am, and the kind of person I no longer want to be. On the off chance that someday I finally blossom into a respectable human being, I don't want to forget where I came from.

I'm not saying I want to carry all those skeletons with me for the rest of my life, but who I am and who I aspire to be are not things I take lightly, and wherever I go in life, I never want to forget what I left behind me. Once those skeletons are out of the closet, they're going in a display case to commemorate the fact that I overcame them. I'm kind of vain like that. Just not vain enough to get my teeth whitened. Maybe I should do like Mitch Hedberg said and just get a tan.

Incidentally, I noticed that when I get a tan, perhaps as a result of all the fruit juice I drink, my skin suddenly smells sweet. Seriously. Come here and smell me.

Okay, I guess that's enough for tonight. Goodnight, readers. Peace and love.

Re: Re: Craig Ferguson's Snake Cup

Okay, apparently I've angered a great many people with what I said a little while ago about Craig's new cup. Look, to clarify, I'm not against the cup itself. Honestly, I do wish I had one of my own. But then, I have a black chalice with diamonds on it, so it's hard to get exceedingly envious of others' drinking containers.

Anyway, just to clear the air, I want everyone to know that I accept and in fact have come to like the rattlesnake cup. My only real qualm was with the amount of time spent talking about it. I mean, sure, it's unusual for a talk show host to have a cup like that, but is that really the most remarkable thing guests encounter when visiting Craig on the set? Wouldn't you think the Salvador Dali picture and dancing monkeys would be the more surprising features of this program?

Well, I just hope everyone can set their minds at ease now about this whole fiasco. Frankly, I'm amazed people comment on this blog at all. I mean, come on. You're writing comments here? Why, so they can be read by all 3 people who follow this thing? You'd accomplish basically the same effect by writing an angry letter and throwing it in the garbage. Of course, that approach has the advantage of not making you sound like a psycho on the Internet. I'm not judging you, I'm just saying...

Well, let's start the insanity

I'm officially out of school now. And sick with some kind of stomach virus. Not the best way to start a vacation, huh?

Anyway, I haven't been on the Internet much since I got back. Today is my first real day checking my email. That's when I was directed to this. 100 hubs in 30 days? Do I have the balls to go for it?

For those of you who haven't heard, I've been writing stuff on this site known as HubPages. It's kind of like what I do here, except people actually read it, and I'm making money. Granted, it's like $2 a week thus far, but whatever.

This challenge is something else, though. As an experiment to see just how effective this site is, international man of mystery Ryan Hupfer is encouraging people to take the pledge to write 30 hubs in 30 days, or go all the way and take the 100 hub challenge.

Well, I'm not sure if I really have that much to write about, but I'll be damned if I'm going to pass up a good writing challenge. Besides, I could use the money, and I get the feeling this whole responsible college student thing isn't going to work out anyway.



I honestly don't know whether I'll be able to keep up a good enough pace to manage 100. I'm going to start by shooting for the 30-hubs challenge and see where we go from there. I made 22 hubs in my first month of membership, so it'll be enough of a challenge to see if I can crack that. If I do, I'll take the plunge and go for the full 100.

I'm bored and my head freakin' hurts

That's about it.

Unless...

Wait...

...

...Nope, that's it.

Re: Craig Ferguson's Rattlesnake Cup

Am I using that right? Does Re: stand for Reply? Because I usually use it for things here that I'm not so much replying to as I am commenting on. You know, as if it stood for Regarding. Anyway, if you see posts like this on my blog, the Re: at the start of the title means Regarding.

Now, I forget who, but someone who was a guest on the Late Late Show made the mistake of giving Craig a gift from the Rattlesnake Museum. It's a coffee mug that looks like a coiled snake. Somehow, it's become a fixture on the show now. He replaced his regular Late Later Show mug with this one, and it's all any of the guests can talk about. They ask where he got it, he tells the whole story again, and we blow another 5 minutes talking about a cup.

Look, I'm not complaining, but what's the point of having a different guest each night if they're all going to talk about the damn snake cup? Does no one watch the show before they go on? Everyone's surprised by this thing? He's had it for at least a week now and people are still devoting 2 minutes out of their 10 minute interview to asking about the cool snake cup. I kind of expect Craig to get sick of telling the story about the Rattlesnake Museum thing over and over again. Then again, he tells the same jokes night after night, so maybe I'm underestimating him.

Also, sorry for my relatively low post count lately. Finals are coming up, I have projects whose due dates are approaching, and I'm just generally busy. I'm still making posts here and on Hubpages, though. I'll add the Hubpages link to the sidebar. Go check out my stuff there if you're still bored.

Oh, why?

Why did I need to know this? More importantly, am I expected by the creators of this anti-Earth Day facebook group to change my opinion about the "left-wing communist agenda" based on one guy who killed someone?

Rather than argue this idiotic point, I'll just refer you to John Stewart's train of logic.

Long answer - Why is it that when the right wing is in power, they tell all the lefties that it's unamerican to not support the president and his policies, but when Obama gets into office, they suddenly decide it's time to revolt against the "oppression" of the "fascist" government? You seem to have communism/fascism confused with losing. As hard as it might be to accept, many people support the way things are going right now and their constituents aren't in a hurry to second-guess the new administration's plans. The majority made their decision, and now they're getting their way. You got to do it for 8 years. Give us at least a couple of months before you start whining.

Short answer - This is America. Love it or leave it.

Hey...

Whatcha doin? Just chillin? Cool, cool.



So... do you like popsicles?

Oh, by the way,

I shaved.

(And judging by this picture, I developed Down's syndrome)

I love boobies

And I'm not talking about the species of seabird. Breasts. Mammaries. Jugs. Fun-bags.

But you know what? Boobs are in danger. From what? From cancer! ZOMG! Yes, it's true. Cancer destroys perfectly good sets of titties all the time. It's a disaster and a crime, and it needs to be stopped.

So what can you do about it? Simple. All it takes is a click or two.

http://www.thebreastcancersite.com/

If the GreaterGood's breast cancer site gets enough clicks by the end of April, they're going to donate $10,000 to breast cancer research. But time is running out, so get out there and click like crazy. Well, okay, not like crazy. Once a day per person. But still, you get the idea. Get the word out. Save a pair of boobs today!

I think I smell a meme

I need help

I think I must be the least motivated human being that ever lived. Day after day, I just do absolutely nothing. I have plenty of stuff that I could be doing, I should be doing, but do I do them? No, I sleep all day and dick around on the Internet at night. Once in a while I find time for schoolwork.

What's really scaring me is the lack of lucidity I have lately. Events of the past 60 hours or so just all seem to mesh together. If it weren't for my calendar, I'm not sure I'd even know the day of the week. Whenever people ask me what's up, I honestly have no idea what to say, because I can't process whatever the hell I'm doing with my life.

Okay, so bitching aside, here's my point: I'm basically a person who only ever gets things done under some kind of pressure. With the low-stress environment I create for myself, I get complacent and stop doing productive things. So, if I'm going to get anything done, I may need a kick in the backside. Here's my current to-do list:

• Finish some of the short story ideas I've been working on


• Work on turning Paradigm Shift into a webcomic so Jordan will stop taking it seriously and start liking it


• Finish reading Fractured


• Bathe

So, if any readers honestly want to see me finish any of those things, or just want to get on my case about something, comment or email me about it.

Cross-promotion

Just letting everyone know, this won't be the only place I scribble my inane ramblings on the Internet. I started an account on HubPages, and I've already written about the weather and my favorite movie of the year. Not all at once, mind you.

Clickify me, Cap'n

There's my profile over there. I'm directing people from there here, too, so I hope I'll gain a couple readers one way or another.

Other than that, I don't have much to write about. I mean, yeah, the weather blows, but I already wrote about that this morning. Oh, what's that? You didn't read that? Well, then I guess you'd better go over to my hub and check it out.

Okay, that's all for now, beloved interweb friends. Peace and love.

RIGHT IN THE NUTS!

By the way, I'd just like to reiterate how much I'm loving Billy vs. SNAKEMAN. If you love anime or hate it, you should seriously consider trying this game. You only have to log in once a day, but you can choose to break it up into separate visits if you want. The whole system starts out kind of shallow but gets deeper and deeper as you go along. The "story" is hilarious, the missions are varied and fun, and there are a lot of cool people to be met.




Plus, the referral points for me wouldn't hurt.

This shit is hilarious to me

Anyone else read Last Blood? What about the comments? Oh, you must. They're a riot. And not just when Jon Pander is being himself.

A discussion emerged today so ridiculous, it bears sharing with others. Here's what you need to know: Jon explains how Mac (the character in the comic) will probably smack the zombie in the head with a golf ball so hard that it explodes. Systemz chooses to explain why this is impossible. Several WTF moments ensue. Start reading here:
http://lastblood.keenspot.com/main/2009/02/26/page-14-fore/#comment-93482

I never can understand why trollish types online always ignore my feeble attempts at being the voice of reason. Well, whatever.

This

is incredible.

Tonight's Episode: Refer A Friend, (or) Right in the nuts!

I don't normally go around plugging things here unless I really like them. I haven't been playing this game long, but I think this one has potential. Hey, you get to punch a tutorial npc in the nuts. How bad can it be?

Billy vs. SNAKEMAN is an amusing browser-based MMORPG game. It's a little quirky and has a lot of bizarre humor. If you love anime shows like Naruto, you'll probably like this game. If, like me, you hate Naruto with a fiery burning passion of hate, you'll still probably like it. The characters are basically cookie-cutter anime character parodies, some directly lampooning actual shows. The storyline, if you can call it that, is pretty much lampooning popular anime series, but I haven't gotten far enough to comment on that.

So, what's this all about? In BvS, you play an apprentice ninja at some fictional ninja academy, who also happens to be the main character in an anime series about you. You go on quests and complete missions to improve your ninja prowess, learn new jutsu (skills), gain allies to support you, join a village (clan), battle other players, and engage in all forms of ninja nonsense(trademarked term). The more awesome you are, the higher your level will get. Eventually, you'll be so awesome that the show about you will be signed for a second season, at which point even more new content becomes available in-game.

This would be my referral link, so if you feel like helping me out and getting some free stamina points for yourself at the same time, go for it:



Be the Ultimate Ninja! Play Billy Vs. SNAKEMAN today!


Or just type my guy "Lokey" in when you sign up. That is, if you sign up. That's all up to you. Maybe you won't, 'cause you're a boring prick. Whatever. You don't have to. No big deal. It's not like the game is owned by real ninjas who will find you and kill you if you don't play. Right?

...Right?

March 21st - SciFi Movie Night

Time for another sci-fi double feature, along with my review. My word isn't law, but I like to think I have developed a refined taste in movies, and I'm very specific about what I like or dislike about them. So, here are my reviews of the two movies for tonight.

Again, if you'd rather not read my full review, just go by the numbers at the end of each review. Here's the full scale and what each rating means.

5 = Awesome! I'm buying the dvd, baby!
4 = Really good. I'd see it again.
3 = Not bad. Worth watching at least once.
2 = Pretty weak. Not worth watching unless you're stoned.
1 = Awful. Don't even bother.
0 = Burn it! For the love of god, burn it!

Okay. Review time.

Splinter

My initial reactions to this one were pretty good. Let's see how the whole thing stacks up.

Story/Writing:

Starting out, some guy and his girl get roped into a hostage situation with a wanted man and his junkie partner. But things go from bad to worse when they find themselves in a whole new kind of zombie attack.

The creatures in this movie are apparently the product of some kind of parasitic mold. It infects and feeds on living or recently dead tissue, and then reanimates it to get around and find more to feed on. The result is pretty damn scary.

Once they find themselves trapped in a gas station convenience store, the rest of the film pits the three surviving characters against the con's dead girlfriend, who thanks to the mold has been turned into a gruesome killing machine out for blood. Forced to work closely together, the hostages and the con form an unlikely friendship in order to stay alive.

I'll admit I was a little put-off by the con and his girl's characters early on, but the rest of the story kept me hooked. It's a familiar scenario, but manages to be very original in its execution. I genuinely like our main characters, even more so as the movie progresses and we get to know them better. Thus, I care about whether they're able to survive their situation. This makes for an engrossing horror experience.

Acting:

The majority of the film revolves around three main characters, with others only making brief appearances. So, with most of the focus on them, the mains needed to really shine here. This is no Oscar-winner, but I think they pulled it off.

You'll recognize Paulo Costanzo from various comedy films, many of which actually made it to theaters. He's good at his craft, and I really like him in this role. Co-star Jill Wagner is likable and works well with Costanzo. Shea Whigham gives a somewhat underwhelming performance (though to be fair, he has kind of a lousy character to portray), but he doesn't drag the rest of the group down. Whatever off moments any of them had were few and forgettable, so my hat is off to them for a job well done.

Effects:

The mold creatures are like something out of Silent Hill. Creepy as hell, nightmarish, and refreshingly unique. Even the characters can't help but take a moment to admire the sheer freakishness of their assailants.

The use of blood and gore felt a bit excessive at times, but they made sense in context. The creature survives on blood after all, so of course it would kill you in such a way as to spill as much as possible. Still, some of the gorier scenes felt off to me. They were tastefully done, but not altogether realistic looking. The movie's limited budget is probably to blame here. However, despite a few disappointing dismemberments, the overall bloody atmosphere works very well.

Editing/Production Value:

This movie makes use of some weird camera techniques. Everyone seems to have their own approach to action sequences. In this case, when things pick up, the camera starts shaking like it's having a seizure. I think the general intent here is to portray the sense of panic to the audience. It's actually fairly effective at doing this, but by the end can be more than a little distracting.

The music is standard horror movie fare. It's generally pretty forgettable, but it follows the emotional pacing of the movie well enough. Not perfectly, maybe, but well enough to keep you engaged.

Final Thoughts:

I really did enjoy this one. It's not perfect of course, but the overall experience is intact despite its flaws. It's compelling enough to keep you interested throughout, and while the ending won't blow you away, it's still better than average.

If you have a weak stomach for dismemberment, blood and the like, you might want to avoid this one. Though if you do, why would you even be reading this review? Anyway, if you like survival horror, and you're interested in a unique take on the zombie movie experience, I highly recommend this one.

Final Score: 4/5

Of course, for every good movie...

----------

I Am Omega

Oh God, what the fuck were they thinking? Okay, let's just get this movie review over with quickly so I can take some minipress and lie down before I smash my head through a wall for ever watching it.

Story/Writing:

This premise is a complete and obvious rip off of I Am Legend. Lone survivor of a crazy necrotizing virus learns he's not alone, and there is a cure to be found. So, he must fight to save humanity's last hope while struggling to cope with his grief over the loss of his wife and son long ago. Does any of this sound familiar? For the life of me, I can't tell if this was supposed to be some kind of remake, or just a blatant dime-store knock-off of a popular book and movie. Even the title is a near-perfect copy.

But hey, at least I Am Legend had some unique and terrifying zombies. Sure, they weren't really zombies per-se, but they worked for the story. Fast, vicious, and single-minded. They made the perfect antagonists for Dr. Robert Neville. So, if this is a rip-off of I Am Legend, it'll probably at least have some interesting zombies, right?

Wrong. The zombies, although reasonably creepy-looking, are absolute crap. They don't act like zombies. They don't move like zombies. And they don't even die like zombies. The first scene in the movie, a zombie knocks out a woman with a smack in the face, then runs to hide while it gets ready to attack the kid. What the fuck is that? Undead or not, these zombies are functionally retarded. If Romero saw these things in action, he'd grab a shotgun and blow his own brains out.

Then we get to see how freaking easy these things are to kill. They're pathetic. You can stab them, shoot them in the stomach, or apparently even punch and kick them to death without much fear. Fuck, you could strangle them with a cordless phone. The main character actually takes out three or four of them by himself in the first ten minutes.

And yet, later in the movie when confronted by a single zombie, he has to run frantically to his car to get his shotgun. As if he has anything to fear from these things. As if the one-man-army fight scene and the five-minute sequence of practicing kung-fu and jujitsu in his back yard never happened. To steal a joke from the Larry the Cable Guy roast, this fucking plot has more holes in it that Gary Busey's brain.

And then, of course, the stereotypical fat bald black guy zombie shows up. It always does, doesn't it? Not only does this thing just stand there staring stupidly at the main character for several seconds before even considering attacking, as soon as it finally does, he easily kills it with a few stabs and slashes across the stomach with a machete. Really? A couple stabs in the ribs, and the fat fuck goes down? I'm not sure that would kill me right away, let alone a fucking 300-pound zombie.

Acting:

Alright, so enough about the crap fau-zombies. What about the main character? Well, taken alone, he's no Will Smith, but I can almost like the guy. What hurts the character is the casting choice. Actor Mark Dacascos has a weird and frankly obnoxious interpretation of this guy. He's trying way way too hard to look like a bad-ass at any given moment. And I understand he's supposed to be in denial that anyone else survived, but when he sees the video feed from the woman trying to contact him, he freaks out like an arachnophobe getting a live video chat request from a 30-foot spider. Completely unbelievable. And the very next time it happens, he's suddenly able to accept talking to her, only to say "no, I don't believe this" after talking with her for two minutes. That's a hell of a flip-flop there.

Special Effects:

As I said, the zombie make-up is pretty good. It's not great, it's pretty good. Mediocre is the word typically used for this. And unfortunately, the zombie make-up is the high point in the special effects department. The fire effects were downright sad. What did they do the digital effects with, Windows Movie Maker?

Editing/Production Value:

I don't think I can properly assess this, as it would give the false impression that this film has any form of 'value' at all. But in general, the editing and presentation is passable at best. The camerawork is decent, but nothing to write home about. The music is generic and uninteresting, and usually fails to capture the mood.

Final Thoughts:

So, to recap, we have bad actors, bad writing, bad directing, mediocre effects, lame presentation, and to top it all off, the whole story itself is just a rip-off of a better film. Granted, Plan 9 from Outer Space could be called a better film than this, but I digress.

I am sorry to say I watched the whole thing, but I was ready to pass my final judgment only 40 minutes in. And every minute afterward, it just got worse and worse.

Overall: This movie is total crap. Don't watch it on tv. Don't rent it when the dvd comes out. Don't even remind me after today that this piece of shit was ever made. I may be a masochist, but even I'm not insane enough to watch this shit twice.

Final Score: 0/5

FVZA Will Kick Twilight's Pansy Ass

Outside of videogames and webcomics, I haven't experienced much decent zombie fiction in the last few years. And vampires... well, we know what's been happening to that once-proud horror niche. But finally, it looks like we'll be going back to the roots of what made us all fall in love with zombies and vampires in the first place.

I don't know about you, but I've visited FVZA.org on and off for a couple years. It was a fun resource when I was first getting into this stuff (before I purchased my own copy of the Zombie Survival Guide), but as the site saw a decrease in updates and I got caught up in other things, I had kind of forgotten about it.

Now, I hear the fantastic news that the FVZA concept is being made into a comic, and from what writer David Hine is saying about the project, I can barely stop salivating at the prospect.

David Hine interview with Newsarama, along with new artwork samples from the series:

True fans of horror like me are sickened by what Twilight has done to vampires' reputations, and thank God somebody in the biz is looking to set things right. Regarding the romanticizing of vampires, Hines said:

"Vampires usually exert a fascination and are often romanticized but I wanted to take the romance out of their existence. These are not sexy, seductive vampires in the manner of Twilight. Our vampires are truly monstrous and unattractive. Their hair falls out, their bodies become twisted and cadaverous and they have no interest in sex. We’re going to be following a young couple, who are into the goth fantasy of vampirism. One of the tragic elements of the story is to see how the constant joyless pursuit of blood gradually destroys their love for one another."

I'm officially psyched. The first comic book in the series is slated for release in October. I guess until then I'll have to keep getting my zombie fix from the usual suspects.

Secret Life of the American Teenager

I was flipping through channels and landed on this show on ABC Family. Next Monday is the season finale.

I hereby issue a challenge to all of my readers. The rules are simple: Next Monday night at 10pm EST, watch the show in its entirety, from start to finish. If you can watch the entire thing without breaking into a fit of unstoppable hysterical laughter at how insanely bad and corny it is, you win.

Shut up you fucking whiners

If I get invited to one more "PETITION AGAINST NEW FACEBOOK LAYOUT" group, I'm going to buy a shotgun and a plane ticket, and go on a hunting trip in the person's hometown.

Why the hell is everyone so freaked out? Everything is still there, it's just reorganized. I understand it might seem like a pain to have to remember where everything is all over again, but it's nothing to throw a childish hissy-fit over. Instead of bitching and moaning, why not go to the developers and suggest some kind of custom homepage layout function? If you're so damn smart, solve the problem they can't. Otherwise, sit down and shut up.

If anyone thinks they can come up with a compelling argument as to why this layout switch is such a bad thing, go right ahead and try. I welcome constructive criticism. If all you can do is get upset because you can't focus long enough to pay attention to where stuff if on your screen, and your apparent solution is to make a Facebook group with a little red skull and crossbones logo or one of those red circles with the line through it and then spam everyone you have ever met with invites, you need to get off the Internet and do something useful with your life, you fucking waste of organic matter.

Chop Til You Get Tired Of It

I'm only a few hours into the game, but I'm about ready to start laying into this thing. Chop Til You Drop is fun, for sure, but it's far from perfect.

The story is okay so far, but the acting is less than convincing. And not in the campy horror movie way that's funny. But the low-card summer teen movie way that's distracting, disappointing and makes you kind of hate the production crew. And the writing is just so mediocre. Dialogue feels forced and unnatural. Had it been made into a movie, this thing would've been right at home on SciFi Saturdays.

Plus, why the hell does that fat guy run so damn fast? Frank is hobbling his battle-scarred ass around the mall, but when chunky gets a hankering for steak, he takes off and blows straight past a horde of zombies like he's Jesse Owens.

Wow, I am way too young for that reference. Sorry.

The graphics have obviously taken a step down from Xbox-land. The zombies still look pretty convincing, and you can pretty nicely chop, shred and dismember them with whatever you've got on hand. The animations seem to have suffered, though. I understand it's called Chop Til You Drop, but I didn't think that was referring to how the zombies' movements look when you run them down with a picnic umbrella.

The variety of subweapons is nice, but some of them are just plain unnecessary. The skateboard is easily the most useless item in the game. As long as you're holding it, you can't use subweapon attacks of any kind, and unless you can get a decent running start, don't expect to hop on and skate your way through a dangerous situation. And maybe I'm retarded but I couldn't figure out how to drop the damn thing besides picking up something else.

I really like the firearm/subweapon system, though. It's nice and easy to switch between melee and ranged weaponry, and the wii-mote makes aiming a gun second nature. Now, I know it's not the best gun or anything, but I just love the shotgun. You can't go wrong, man.

The wii remote also takes over with subweapon attacks, and I think this is where the wii controls shine the brightest. With some items like shopping carts, it's useless, but others it really takes over. Any boxes, benches, etc. can be thrown by swinging the remote overhand, which feels very natural. Plus, some items will give you different attacks you can use by swinging the remote. The sledgehammer is one of my favorites. Knocking a zombie flat, then swinging the remote overhead and whaling on it with a sledge is easily one of the most satisfying moments in the game.

So, overall, it's not completely blowing me away yet, and the overall presentation has definitely suffered from the move to lighter weight hardware, but it still makes for a fun gameplay experience. There are flaws, sure, but I kind sort of overlook them, if only for the simple reason that I love smashing things with a sledgehammer.

If you already own an Xbox, there's no real reason to get this. The essentials are already there in the original. The wii-mote controls are a lot of fun, but not worth shelling out the extra $50. If however you're like me, a sad little worm who doesn't own an Xbox360, never played the original Dead Rising, the Nintendo Wii is the only current gen system you own, and you seriously need to find some reason not to take a razor blade to your own wrists, consider checking out Dead Rising: Chop Til You Drop. It's definitely worth a rental, if not an outright purchase.

Stuff

Sorry for the lack of posts. It's my vacation, you know? Pretty uneventful. Sleep, eat, lounge and watch tv, rinse, repeat. A few things happened, though. Here are the good bits:

I did get out to that George Thorogood concert after all. It was a lot of fun. I think my dad had a good time, too. We both noticed he was younger than anyone in the band. What's funny is, George is old as dirt, but he still thinks he's hot stuff. He's entertaining, though, I'll say that.

Also, I finally got to see Pineapple Express. It was about what I expected, but I enjoyed it. I'm not sure how that one guy didn't die though. Didn't he get shot like seven times?

And, I picked up my copy of Dead Rising: Chop Til You Drop. To be honest, I'm kind of underwhelmed so far. I mean, I'm only a couple hours into it, but I was kind of hoping for more, considering all the hype the original got. My mini-review will get its own post in a minute.

Lastly, I might have found a place for the SUNYIT Paranormal Investigators to visit this spring. Fingers crossed, eh?

That'll do it for now. Peace and Love.

Why?

Just... why?

For the record:

If I mysteriously disappear in the coming weeks or months, it will most likely be because I have finally snapped and killed my Software Engineering teacher Michael DeMare and have begun fleeing the police. I'll explain further after I've calmed down a bit, but suffice to say he's easily in the top 5 people I most need to kill to make the world a better place. Seriously, if he doesn't hand in his teaching license at the end of this semester, I will murder him with my bare hands.

In other news, I've got a little ear infection. It doesn't really hurt anymore, though, so it's not really bothering me aside from the antibiotics I have to take. And hell, I'll be done with those less than a week anyway.

Also, looking forward to spring break, even if it is just going to be me hanging out at home. That still beats being here with Professor of the Year up there at the front of the room. Alright, I gotta go buy some leather gloves and a large tarp now. I'll see you when I see you, loyal readers. Peace and love.

Archbishop Desmond Tutu appears on the Late Late Show with Craig Ferguson

...Wow.

I just watched it. It was a surreal experience, man. Look for the youtube clips in the next couple of days; it's worth it.

Other things and stuff

Is anyone out there still not watching Important Things with Demetri Martin? If so, you're a horrible person. Go watch the damn show already.

And speaking of random segues, some of you may know I recently made a quiz thingy on Facebook related to this Baroque game I've been playing. I made a few minor changes, so it should be running more smoothly now. I started promoting it (I do have an ad on the page, so it's in my best interest for this thing to circulate a bit), and I'd appreciate any help. If you like quizzes and/or hardcore dungeon crawlers where a living tank with a flaming cannon on its face will pwn you into last week, try the quiz, and invite your friends. The link should be there a couple posts down.

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Oh, and spring break is coming up. I have nothing to do, although I'm still praying for those George Thorogood tickets to go on sale. If anyone can hook me up, I'll love you forever. Peace and love, readers.

The bomb has been dropped

I made my final edits on my manuscript and sent it to the publisher whose name I won't mention because if anyone reading this happens to be a writer and submits their own work to the contest it decreases my chances of winning even further.

*breathes*

Okay. So, for anyone who wants to read The GeneTech Incident, I've uploaded most of it to my WEbook account (link in the sidebar). You don't need to sign up to read it. The last few chapters are missing, but I'll be adding them in soon. Not all of them, mind you. On the off chance you like it, I'm going to make you buy the book to see the ending. Muahahaha! MUAHAHAHA! *cough* Ack. Excuse me.

Things

Well, I made a quiz on Facebook for the fun of it. I think it came out pretty well, so give it a look if you like taking quizzes.

Also, to further motivate myself, I'm telling everyone that I'm close to being done with my manuscript. I just have to make a few more minor edits today and tomorrow, and possibly write something for the epilogue, and I'll be done. This means I might actually have it done by my goal deadline. If I experienced excitement, I'd be full of it right now.

That's all for now. More novel info when it's available. Peace and love.

Well, there's a buzzkill

If you were psychic, you might know that I occasionally enjoy Pat Condell and his somewhat bleak version of humor. I'm subscribed to his page on YouTube. If you have a YouTube account and are not subscribed to Pat Condell's videos, you're probably a Nazi.

Anyway, something he's been talking about a lot lately is the rising influence of Islam in Europe and elsewhere. If you're living in the UK or the Netherlands, or you're like me and give a shit about the rest of the world, you should really look into this stuff.

Particularly, take a look at this film Fitna if you get the chance. It's only 15 minutes, and it's a pretty grim reality check. The dramatic mood music is a little cheesy, but it doesn't change the fact that the film makes a good point.

While you're at it, watch Pat's latest video. He really drives home the point that Islam extremists are getting way out of control in the UK, and unlike some YouTube mouthpieces, he has the courtesy to link to news articles about what he's talking about.

I signed the petition he links to, and I'd suggest you do the same.

That's all for now. Peace and love.

Oh, what the hell is this?

Look, I'm not in the habit of complaining about dining hall food. I know working in a college kitchen is no one's dream job, so if the food isn't spectacular, I put up with it. But this...

This was in my jello today. It appears to be made of the same material as the jello around it, yet it's shaped like a piece of clear tape, and it has the same taste and consistency as a rubber band.



I ask you, how in the flying flamboyant hell do you screw up jello?! It's jello! You mix it with water, heat it, throw it in the fridge, and you're done. How does something like this even happen? Should I be in fear for my health? Did I almost ingest another alien life form?

Short Tales

Just in case anyone out there is thinking, "Hey, I like this blog, but I wish it had more posts, and those posts were shorter and much more pointless." Well, I've got this tales thing on Human Pets. It's like a blog, only not. I'm working on a way to incorporate it into this blog so you can find all your Dan-related goodness in one place. Until then, you can find the tales thing here:

http://humanpets.com/tale.php?uid=18106654

God help you if you actually read more than a couple of those.

Okay, who the hell is Bon Scott?

I feel like I should know this. Anyone mind saving me the trip to Wikipedia?

Also, internet memes never die, they just go back to hell to regroup.

Ow. Pain.

Still playing Baroque and loving it. I realize I may need to revise my impromptu review from earlier. Remember how I said things get easier as you go? Yeah, that was a lie. I hadn't realized it, but the story isn't the only thing that is revealed as you die over and over. Somewhere after death #12, new sections of the tower opened up. Aside from getting to meet a new character and finding a new consciousness orb, I was introduced to two nasty new enemies.



One is basically a wall with an evil face that wants to kill you. They love to block paths pretending to be a wall, then spin around and beat you senseless. This sucks because it makes the coward routine of running like hell to the exit point very difficult. I'm not usually one to chicken out from a fight, but if I've got half a dozen Liars and death knights on my tail, mobility tends to be my best ally.




Plus, these wall things are tough to fight even one on one. They have a heap of hit points, high attack power, and there's really no sound strategy to attack them without getting hit. Plus, even when they're finally dead, they can still collapse onto you and crush you to death. Hard to avoid that one in a cramped hallway.

By the way, I'd like to take this opportunity for an important complaint: hallways are the worst place to be in a fight. Ever. In any game, or real life. If some guy challenges you to a fight in a hallway, run like hell. You're screwed.



Then there are the hungones. They hang from the ceiling and take cheap swipes at you. Not so scary on their own, but supporting other enemies, they're dangerous. What's worse, they have the ability to poison, lust, or paralyze you. Since when is it legal to give an enemy three different status ailment powers? On the bright side, they do have a wide range, which means other enemies in the area end up feeble and at your mercy.

Hey, I said I liked a challenge now and then. I guess I'm getting it.

Breaking the Block

I've been in kind of a writing rut lately. I had made a goal to finish my novel manuscript and submit it to a contest. Well, entries started January 15th, and that was my completion goal. But for one reason or another, my laziness kept me from getting it done.

It's really quite sad. My problem isn't writer's block. At least not anymore. The problem is that writing doesn't carry the same joy for me as it used to. I used to enjoy it so much. But now, trying to finish up a manuscript just feels like a chore to get out of the way. It breaks my heart to think I could be losing interest in something so important to me. I still love writing my short stories and stuff, but working on a novel is pretty brutal.

I had a nice breakthrough last night, though. I finally convinced myself to sit down and get to work. To my surprise, the words just came back to me. I hardly broke pace for a good hour and change, and I managed to get about four good pages done. Those first four pages of this chapter should be the hardest, so the rest should be smooth sailing.

I'm thinking about adding another chapter or two in the middle, but other than that, this is the final chapter of the book. So, I figure I should try to keep this momentum going clear to the finish line. The contest is rolling submission, up through June, but judging starts in March, and I want to be done before then.

And so, my new deadline goal is to have the manuscript finished and submitted by the end of the month. If I can sit down and seriously write at least once every three days, I should be able to easily make that date. For once, I plan to hold myself to this one. It's a new year's resolution, after all, and I don't think I'd be very proud of myself if it took me until June to write one or two chapters.

That's about it for now. I guess I'll check in when I'm finished. Remember, if anyone is interested in giving me their feedback on this thing, I have the first 3/4 or so of the initial draft uploaded to WEbook, so you can read it online here. If you've got some free time, let me know what you think of it. Peace and love, people.

Not Always The Best Medicine

Demetri Martin made me laugh so hard it hurt. As it turns out, laughter feels pretty bad when your windpipe is loaded with mucus. Instead of laughing normally, I made a grotesque wheezing noise and hurt my still-sensitive throat. But I couldn't stop.

On the bright side, I can confidently say now that Important Things is probably the best show Comedy Central has had in years. It was one hell of a premiere episode. I can't remember the last time I laughed so hard it hurt. I won't be able to say that after today, huh?

So, if you didn't watch the show, do it. Until you do, I will hate you. You not-Demetri-Martin-watching jerk.

Lazy Update #5ish

RE: The Economy

I'm sure there's plenty I could say here, but I think this about sums it up.

Baroque in a Nutshell

This is pretty much the whole outer world before you enter the Neuro Tower. Don't feel bad if you get confused. The Arch Angel is the only one who isn't totally insane.

Hey, I told you, Coffin Guy is a riot, right?

Into the depths

Still sick, so I'm trying to distract myself from the fact that I can't really breathe. I've been playing Baroque on the Wii. It's funny how the more IGN hates a game, the more I seem to enjoy them.

In this case, I can understand some ill feelings people might have. This is basically a game that was two generations old. It was released on the Dreamcast, and I imagine at the time people were interested in a unique dungeon-crawler adventure game. Then it was on the PS2, and nobody cared. But they released the game again on the Wii, and surprise surprise, still no one cares. To be frank, releasing a strictly classic-control 2-gens-ago game on the Wii makes about as much sense as buying new sneakers for an amputee.

Nonetheless, I am enjoying this thing. The combat is surprisingly deep. The item-throwing system definitely took getting used to, but is really a lot of fun. The story setup and everything is really unusual, and that's probably the problem people have with it. By people, I mean the wussies at IGN who call themselves gamers.

Let's be clear: I am a hardcore gamer. Getting my ass kicked for the first few hours of a game is normal to me. That's how you get better. You keep going, and as you persevere and become better at it, you have a genuine feeling of pride at having conquered the challenges set before you.

"Gamers" these days want everything handed to them. God forbid you do any thinking or practice of your own. The IGN reviewer given Baroque was clearly mismatched for the task, because this is not a casual game. You are going to die. Get over it.

And every time he dies, "ZOMG Lvl 1 again?!? This is bullshit!!!" The whole idea of levels is to reflect on the fact that your fighting prowess has been growing as you go. It's nothing altogether irreplaceable, though. Hacking and slashing flying fish for experience doesn't exactly require talent. You don't even need to be that high a level to get through the game. Aside from the VT system, there's little to stop you from dropping your sword and running like a little girl all the way to the exit point.

"There is a certain breed of gamer out there that enjoys these "roguelike" adventures and aren't bothered by having their characters reset every time they die. These brave few may find Baroque to their liking, but most of us will wonder what we ever did to deserve this punishment."

Granted, I know where he's coming from. I absolutely hated this game for the first hour like everyone else. "I can die just by standing still too long? WTF?" But it grew on me. And believe it or not, the game actually gets slightly easier as you go. You'll encounter new kinds of enemies, but their power won't increase at the same rate as your Level, and the floors of the tower are littered with shiny items to help you along, including brands and parasites that decrease your VT consumption to the point that you don't really even notice it anymore.

By the way, I'd just like to say that I still think the tutorial coffin guy is funny as hell. He's supposed to be a foul-mouthed punk, but the game is rated T, so the most he can do is pepper "Goddammit" into every sentence.

I understand if some people can't appreciate the hardcore experience like I do, but today's series of casual games are making gamers soft. They don't work for anything. I get the desire for quick and dirty enjoyment from games, but some of us actually want a deeper experience than that.

So, I think the point I'm trying to make, if any at all, is judge your games slowly. If you go into a game like Baroque with specific expectations, you are going to be disappointed. I doubt many people thought games like Ico and Shadow of the Colossus could sell, but now they're both cult classics. Keep an open mind, and you might just enjoy the ride.

A more serious note: Our Soldiers Abroad

Today, some people at SUNYIT set up this table for sending letters to soldiers abroad. I wrote one, but it was really stupid, and barely even coherent. You've seen what happens when I try to write on the fly.

Really, though, what sucked about it was that it wasn't genuine. The whole point of sending letters is to give these guys and gals a heartfelt message to lift their spirits. My message was weak and phoned-in. Something like this, I think:

"Calling you heroes doesn't even begin to say it. Stay alive, okay? You guys rock."

I know, it's awful, right? And the main reason is that, for me at least, it wasn't real. I somehow doubt I could have said it to any of their faces. Hell, I barely managed to write anything at all.

The problem I have here is that I'm reluctant to express how I really feel. Don't get me wrong; I have all the respect in the world for our troops. The fact that they put their lives on the line for our country is amazing, and the word 'hero' really doesn't do them justice. But this is a complicated issue. As you may know, I've always been against the war, and the more I see of the results, the more my opinions seem to be reaffirmed.

The Iraq war never should have been started. I know Saddam Hussein was a rotten guy and a ruthless dictator, but who are we to get involved in that? The Middle East has always been, dare I say, fraught with turmoil. Hussein was just the most recent in a long line of corrupt despots in that region. Religious, racial and political differences have always been the catalysts for war in the Middle East, even among the people living there. The whole Sunni/Shiite conflict still blows my mind.

My point there is that we didn't really do anything. We put one dictator out of commission and introduced the ideas of democracy to Iraq. Honestly, how long do you think that will stick? Hey, I might be wrong on this one, but if history is any indication, trying to establish Western ideals in the Middle East doesn't end well.

Even more importantly, I thought the whole point of going to war in the first place was to combat terrorism, but we haven't accomplished that at all. Even if we had invaded the right country, terrorism isn't restricted to any one of those countries, or even that part of the world. There will always be psycho extremists in the world; you can't just declare war on them and expect to put a stop to it. You can't fight them on the battlefield, and you can't negotiate in the embassy. All you can really do is kill them before they kill us, and that's not exactly a moral way of conducting international relations.

The bottom line is, the troops shouldn't be in Iraq. They still shouldn't. They may have done some good over there, but I don't see how it can last. God knows we can't keep them there forever, unless we just want to outright overthrow the country and make it a territory of the US. Those kinds of actions tend to be frowned upon in the 21st century. Whatever little good our men and women have done over there can be undone in half the time. In 90% of the population, fear is a more powerful motivator than hope. As long as the past is there to haunt Iraq, the people living there have no chance for a better future.

You know why I couldn't be sincere in my letter to the troops? Because the truth isn't what they need to hear, and I just don't have the balls to say to those soldiers what I really want to say. If I did have the balls, it would probably sound something like this:

"I'm sorry. Come home soon."

Bleargh

I'm still sick. You ever cough up something so big you have to spit it in the sink? And then when it slithers down the drain, you swear for a second it was alive? I'm having one of those days.

In related news, I may have released some kind of phlegm-like mutant creature into the sewers under Utica. If some horrible disaster ensues involving people getting eaten alive by some freakish sewer monster, you now know who to blame for that.

Sorry.

That is one crazy Swede

I'm just saying, this is a little crazy.

Question for you:

Should I even bother doing my taxes this year? My total income last year was on the order of $500. I made a lot of donations to charity, but the cutoff is something like a thousand dollars. I've looked at the forms. Part of me is thinking about trying the free edition of TurboTax just for kicks, but those kinds of thoughts scare me. I mean, who does their taxes for fun?

Well, I should at least think about doing it. I'll need the money. I still haven't bought any of the books I need for my classes this semester. I'm wondering how long I'll be able to get away with this. Can I get through the whole thing without buying any of the books? It's unlikely at best.

More ramblings when I feel like it. Love you. <3

The Train Leaves At 3:15 Sharp

So, I've been dicking around on WEbook a little. I read this one piece by some guy. It's a little outside-the-box, but then, boxes are for squares.

Anyway, I just thought I should keep my posts flowing here, so I just thought I'd write a bit here even if it's nothing entirely important. Honestly, if you're reading this at all, there's probably nothing especially pressing on your To-Do list for the day. So, take a second and go for a metaphorical walk with me, will you?

---

It gets scary some days, thinking you're one of the last sane people on Earth. You know, they say that a million people can't be wrong. Well, if a million people walk off a cliff and plummet to their deaths, I'd go so far as to say they were wrong. The cliff, of course, if metaphorical. I'm talking more about things in our everyday lives. Things that, while they won't kill you quickly, will likely kill a couple brain cells, as well as drastically cut your opportunities for the future by closing your mind to the unordinary. That, by the way, is a new word I'm coining. Use it in your own everyday speech if you like it.

The thing is, most people stay with what they know in their lives. They're resistant to change, and for good reason. New things are unknown things, and if there's one thing mankind fears above all else, it's what he doesn't know. Ironically, people will say they want to pursue knowledge, only to find out that they were happier not knowing things. Like, how is a hot dog made? How many bacteria are living on the keyboard I am typing on this very second? What do third-degree burns feel like? Exactly how many polyps do I have in my colon right now? These are things I probably don't want to know.

I know those are extreme examples, but the truth is that pretty much all knowledge comes with consequences, and they're usually unpleasant. A wise man once said if you keep too much of an open mind, your brains will fall out. By the same token, though, if your mind stays too closed, it'll suffocate and leave you a drooling dunce.

So, like all things, we must strive for that perfect balance. We must acquire enough knowledge to get by, and for some of us, we need quite a bit to feel fulfilled. At the same time, though, we must remain ignorant enough to keep from becoming utterly insane. Believe me, this can and will happen. Some of the smartest people on Earth are sitting in a padded room agonizing over what the well-read refer to as "the imponderables."

Anyway, that's what I've been working for. I'm stupid, though. I always want to learn more, because I'm a curious creature by nature. Inevitably, though, I'll probably end up going off the deep end without even realizing it. After all, it's not as though you wake up one morning stark raving mad. It's something you move slowly towards. Not coincidentally, this is the same trend by which one becomes a learned, intelligent person.

In truth, I think that ultimate knowledge is, in itself, insanity. What we consider sane is base on us having certain expectations of our world, and as long as we keep those, our minds are closed to the deepest depths of knowledge. This is both good and bad, since we don't want to be crazy, but we also thirst for knowledge.

It's a matter of greed, really. Nobody honestly needs to know everything there is to know, but we still want to. The trick is trying to figure out when we know enough. But, like the love of money, food, or any other vice, the love of knowledge is unquenchable. The more you acquire, the more you'll want.

So, what it comes down to, if you ask me, is figuring out when to call it quits. Sooner or later, you just have to close the book and quit cold turkey. Either that, or keep the advance of your knowledge gradual enough that your mind can slowly expand to encompass it. Like how you let your pants out after Thanksgiving dinner. Don't want to bust the seam and send a button flying across the room and break the lamp. That's the pants metaphor for a mental hospital.

I've tried several times in vain to close this train of thought, but maybe this time I will for real. Because that is the ultimate lesson here: moderation. You have to know when to put a lid on it. I'm sure I have plenty more to say, but I'm not going to, because just like the acquisition of knowledge, the dispersal of it must be taken in moderation. So, before I go any further, I'm going to shut up now.

Peace and lover, readers.

Oh, and if you're still reading, do yourself a favor and remember when to quit. You'll be left wanting more, but that'll always be the case. Better to stop and be left wanting more than keep going and want even more. Still with me? Good. I guess that means we're not crazy yet.

Re: Facebook Ads

What is with these IQ test ads? Do they really expect me to believe that Barrack Obama and Randy Orton have the same IQ? What does that say about their online IQ tests, I wonder...

Also, to all the dating sites that want my business: Okay, I get it. I'm single; there are singles sites on the web that could change that. I don't care. Stop trying to make me feel about myself just because I don't want to ruin two people's lives at once by getting involved with someone. Even if I was looking right now, why would I go to Christian/Gothic/Asian/Nerdy/Black/Over-50 specific singles sites? What kind of sick perv do you think I am? It's probably nothing compared to the sick perv I actually am, but it's still a little insulting.

Here's your forecast:

It's gonna be cold, it's gonna be gray, and it's gonna last you the rest of your life.

By the way, why is it that whenever I get talked into watching the Superbowl, something fuck-all crazy happens? Toward the end of the first half, it still seemed like it would be anybody's game. Arizona was about the make a touchdown and just about tie things up. Then, just when you think it's touchdown time, the Steelers' defensive guy intercepts the ball in the end zone, runs like hell the whole 105 yards to the opposite end zone, gets pulled down by the jersey at the last second and just barely makes the touchdown by landing on his head and twisting his neck at a very awkward angle.

What... the... fuck? How does something like that even happen? Is this guy seriously defensive lineman of the year, or does Arizona really suck that badly?

Besides that, from the way he landed, he should've been dead, or at least out of the game for a while. They cut to the guy a minute later, and he's walking around like it never even happened. They give him a little oxygen, and he's good to go for the second half. Has this guy been tested yet? Not for steroids, I mean, for alien DNA? No human being can possibly shake off a landing like that. Except maybe Johnny Knoxville, but then I'm not convinced he's human either.

Okay, enough about football. Last random thought for the day: is it unhealthy to eat an entire plate of cookies by yourself? My stomach's making some unusual noises.

That's enough for now. Peace and love.