Two Videos For You

Nothing special here. Just me screwing around with my webcam.

A stupid magic trick:


My buddy Kurt again:

Airing of Grievances - Part 1

Well, I imagine I'll have more to add to this, but for the moment I'm too tired. You see, I just went through hell with customer care, which is an ironic thing to call it since they clearly don't really. I may have more fish to fry, but for now, I air my grievances with FreeCreditReport.com in this 3-part video blog post:

Part 1 - My Beef

Part 2 - The Call

Part 3 - The Moral of the Story

~~~



He is the perpetuator of lies; the pied piper of destruction. Listen not to his siren's song, lest you be drawn into the jaws of oblivion.

Mom's baking again...

It must be almost Christmas.

Mom's baked goods are easily my favorite part of Christmas. Cookies, fudge, snowballs, and the occasional pie. By the way, for those who haven't heard of them, snowballs are basically little balls of dough smothered in powdered sugar. They're delicious, and I'm pretty sure they have the power to cure diabetes.

Also, I'm getting back to work on weekends. You know, the Meals on Wheels thing. I guess they lost a couple people, so they needed someone to do a route. However, this weekend I couldn't work on Sunday because of the snowstorm. Which sucks, since SUNYIT hiked their tuition and I now owe another $775 dollars. Now, I can't decide which of those to rant about, so how about both at once?

I hate New England winters, man! The people at the bursar's office are nice and all, but they need to get their shit together. It's like 17 degrees outside, and at least two and a half feet of snow on the ground, just from this weekend. You know, I've been pissed at them ever since the start of the semester when I almost didn't get housing because they never even checked for the damn paperwork. And the roads are positively awful, especially in the morning. Plus, they increased the tuition after my room went from a triple to a double, but didn't add the charges until after I had taken out a loan to pay the balance for my room in the first place. I know, it's New England and I should be used to driving in slush and shit by now, but I'm really not. And now I have to deal with this stupid tuition hike, which is worsened because I never borrowed enough money in the first place to pay for everything. I swear, I'm moving someplace temperate as soon as I get the chance. Thus, you can see why I need to work: I need the money. Or maybe I'll have two homes, one in northern England for summertime, and one in Florida for winter.

Alright, I'm all ranted out. I'll see you cats and dogs sometime after Christmas. I'll probably waste a lot of time playing Warioland: Shake It! on the Wii. I'm getting it for Christmas. I know this, because I bought it for myself, and my psycho mother won't let me buy things for myself at Christmastime; it has to be a gift from some family member who gave me a check.

Oh, and just as a reminder, I'll be doing my Festivus celebration publicly this year. At least, as publicly as this blog or a Facebook note can get. There are no doubt some grievances to be aired. That, and I need to do Feats of Strength for once. Schunk, what are you doing on the 23rd?

God is Great and Merciful

And his fan club makes me giggle.

Obituary: Janet Ferguson

After that long-winded rant of mine, I figured this deserved its own post.

I just heard last night that Craig Ferguson's mother passed away on December 1st. This is a sad event in Craig's life, for sure, but he was back to do the Late Late Show this past Monday night, one week later. (You can probably find clips on YouTube by now).

In being true to himself, though, the bulk of the show was dedicated to talking about his mother, which I found very endearing. He still wants to put on a good show for everyone, but he's not the kind of guy who'll show up for work after his mom passed away and act like it didn't bother him. I really respect him for that, and my heart goes out to him.

Now, unfortunately, I couldn't find a decent picture of her for this, but I did find this video from the show, so I figure it's just as good. This is from 2005 when she went to LA to visit Craig after he got his new gig as late night talk show host. While she was there, she got to see the sights as she was treated to a nice day out with Rza of the Wu Tang Clan.

Yes, you read that right.

~~~~~

Janet "Netta" Ferguson



August 3, 1933 - December 1, 2008

Rest in Peace

Gay Marriage - My 20¢

I don't know how many of you watch the Daily Show, but there was just a very compelling interview between John and Mike Huckabee. I wasn't aware of this before, but apparently Huckabee's against gay marriage (or if you prefer, in favor of protecting the sanctity of marriage). At any rate, the interview (which ended up being just shy of 20 minutes) got me thinking, and I decided I'd weigh in on the issue myself. (You might want to hit the restroom and grab something to eat, because this could take awhile)

Now, Mike Huckabee's argument, although flawed in my opinion, is grounded in sound logic. He's in favor of preserving the values that he and many Americans hold dear. By itself, this is certainly a reasonable position, and probably one I would hold myself if not for my affliction of the mind which causes me to think about everything from every possible angle. I'm not saying Huckabee's wrong, but that he's right about the wrong thing. Still with me? Cool.

The thing is, Huckabee's position basically says to me that he's not seeing the forest for the trees. Or the trees for the forest they make up. Whatever. The point is, by standing behind his values, the sanctity of marriage and by extension the family unit, he has inadvertently placed himself in direct conflict with another sacred value: the belief that all men are created equal. Again, I don't think less of him for it any more than would for a person who's for gay marriage, as they have thus abandoned the traditional definition of marriage.

The bottom line is, this issue is complex and difficult because it places two of our society's core values at odds. Sadly, this is one of those times when we can't have our cake and eat it too. A decision has to be made, and in my opinion, banning gay marriage is the wrong one.

It's a matter of priorities to me. Human freedoms in my mind are more important than protecting our age-old concept of marriage. Marriage is a great institution, but compared to our freedoms, it's just not worth defending anymore. For starters, marriage as an institution isn't as set in stone as people would like to think. As Stewart mentioned, there were times in human history when polygamy was the accepted norm. In the dark ages and beyond, marriage was more concerned with creating an economic agreement between two wealthy families than it was with the wishes of the two people being married. It was a simple means to an end, not a sacred union.

Then there is the simple fact that marriage's "sanctity" has been under attack for centuries already, and faced no opposition until now. People can get married in Vegas without getting out of their car. Is that sacred? People get married all the time to fuse their assets, or in the case of immigrants, they get married so they gain the right to stay in the country. Is that really sacred? And don't forget, a good 40-something percent of marriages end in divorce, often resulting in the family's finances being strained, their children emotionally scarred, and their overall bond as a family left all but dissolved. Is that really sacred?

I'm sorry, but the argument that marriage needs defending is akin to the argument that we should make greater efforts to save the Dodo from extinction. Marriage isn't sacred. It may be a nice symbol of the love two people for each other, and is a great step forward in their life together, but sacred? I'll allow that there may be individual marriages that are sacred, but taking the institution as a whole, accounting for its long and seemingly self-contradictory history, I have to say that marriage in general is not sacred.

Therefore, with the institution of marriage being a sadly un-sacred affair, it seems to me that the value we should be defending is the one that each and every one of us still holds sacred today: the notion that we are all equals, both in the eyes of God and the eyes of the law. There may yet be an argument that can prove humanity is not sacred, but I have yet to encounter it, and will firmly stand my ground as a member of the human race until I do.

Oh my...

You know how I've been kind of down on game developers for recycling old ideas? Well, in this case, I think I can make an exception.

Jean Splicing

I'm wearing this pair of jeans I've had for a couple months now. I can't prove it, but I think they've somehow become self-aware, and now they're trying to slowly kill me. Frankly, I can't blame them. If I had to be pressed up tight against the crotch of a guy like me all day, I'd get homicidal, too.

Here's the thing: I mentioned how I've had them for a while. Normally, when you get a new pair of jeans, the first time you wear them is the tightest they'll ever be. Every wear thereafter, your girth slightly stretches the denim, giving them a more comfortable lived-in fit. This is true of almost every other pair of jeans I have. Sure, they can get a little stiff again if I haven't worn them in a while, but otherwise they're no problem.

But this pair... I swear, I've worn them at least once a week, every week since mid-September, and they're actually getting tighter. It sounds impossible, but there's no other explanation. I'm not gaining weight; believe me, if you'd seen the quality of food they offer at the dining hall, you'd know that's not possible. My appetite disappears long before I've eaten enough to put on any weight.

Of course, I'm open to any other logical explanations people might have, such as the cold weather or the detergent I'm using. In the meantime, I'm going to keep wearing these suckers purely out of spite. As far as I'm concerned, it's a battle of honor now. This isn't going to end until one of us breaks. Either I stop wearing them, or they secede and start loosening up so I can wear them comfortably.

There's no way I'm giving in, though. It's not in me. I've always had an all-or-nothing personality; I don't back down from any garment, denim or otherwise. Besides, I'd be a fool to stop wearing them. Tight or no, they make my ass look sexy as hell.

Another Lazy Update

Randall Munroe is still a god.

Facebookers I'd like to punch in the face:

Specifically, the people who are sending around these idiotic 'forward this or get banned' messages. Just when I thought the monster was dead, it's come back in a new and surprisingly grammatically-correct form:

"It has come to our attention that some people are using facebook for purposes other than that for which it was intended. Certain people have been using software called "post bot". Therefore we will require that you forward this to all your friends. We will then log your account information to separate you from the people that are running automatic post bots on our site.

If you fail to forward this, it may mean that your account will be banned.

Thank You
Facebook Staff"

...No. Just, no. If you fell for this the first time, it's forgivable, but these have been going around for a long time now, and I think it should be obvious to anyone with a functioning brain stem that these messages are fake. There is not going to be any mass account purge on people who fail to send a chunk of text to all their friends. The reasons why have been explained time and again.

Furthermore, I've made a firm decision that from now on, whenever I receive one of these from someone, I'll be immediately removing them from my friends list. I don't care if we're classmates; I have enough stupidity in my life already, thank you very much.

Vloggalypse Now

So, I finally got my webcam going and recorded my first-ever video blog entry. I'd been putting it off thus far, but I finally have a few topics that warranted you actually being able to see me and the objects in my room. Plus, don't you want to hear my charming voice?



There may be more of these in the future, but not too soon.

The Internet is a Series of Cat Videos

Another Night At The Movies

So, I decided to do another b-movie review night, just for fun. Again, these reviews are really just for fun. I try to be informative, but B-movies are an acquired taste, and what I like isn't always going to be what you like. So, if you're thinking about seeing any of these movies, remember to take these reviews with a grain of salt. It's not dogma; it's just my opinion.

Now, for anyone who's too lazy to read through the whole thing, I'm going to start using a numbered rating system to sum-up my reviews. So, if you want to cut to the chase, just skip down to the rating at the end. The 0-5 scale works as follows:

5 = Awesome! I'm buying the dvd, baby!
4 = Really good. I'd see it again.
3 = Not bad. Worth watching at least once.
2 = Pretty weak. Not worth watching unless you're stoned.
1 = Awful. Don't even consider watching it.
0 = Burn it! For the love of god, burn it!

So, let's get to it then.

100 Million B.C.
The first movie I was going to watch was 100 Million B.C., but I have no review for it. The reason: I didn't watch the whole thing. I physically couldn't. The awful effects, bad writing and acting were survivable for a while, but once the T-rex super-jumped into the air and destroyed the helicopter in a fiery explosion, I just couldn't take it anymore.

Preemptive 0/5

Lost City Raiders:

Now, I know from experience that coming up with a good name for a new project can be difficult, so I really should be forgiving here, but... come on. Lost City Raiders? Gee, I wonder what it's about. Get it together, guys. You're not Snakes on a Plane (thank God for that). You can really do better.

Anyway, this movie is based on the premise that global warming continues unfettered and spirals out of control, until the world as we know it is all but gone. In 2048, some undersea explorers are on a mission to salvage what's left of their civilization from under the depths, hoping they can find a way to stop the rising ocean and save what's left of humanity. At the very least, I can say this is a movie that came out at the right time.

Story/Writing:

Only ten minutes in, I'm starting to really like this concept. It's like Waterworld meets Indiana Jones, but without the rugged hero. (I kid, Ian Somerhalder. I kid)

I thought most of the movie was fairly well written. Not Emmy material or anything, but par for the course. What impressed me was that it incorporated an interesting combination of geologic science with Catholic dogma. I get the feeling it was less than historically accurate, but it at least made for a good story, which I think is the more important goal.

The only part that really had me scratching my head was the ending. Aside from having a couple serious logical flaws, it was just way too corny, even by B-movie standards.

Acting:

Not fantastic, but no glaring issues I could see, either. The overall performance of the cast was, in a word, good enough.

...Well, okay, in two words.

Special Effects:

I think we all know that the people behind Sci-fi Originals aren't exactly swimming in cash, so it's unlikely this thing had a very good budget. That said, though, I thought they did a nice job with what they had. The set pieces were pretty nicely built, and the (sparsely used) cgi blended well with the live-action footage.

Editing/Production Value:

Well, the first thing that jumped out at me is that whoever edited this has a serious hard-on for slow motion shots. During the action sequences, slo-mo gets used and abused, usually at inappropriate places that add nothing to the scene. That and a few of the usual overdubbing issues kind of took me out of the experience at some points.

Final Thoughts:

Lost City Raiders is not a masterpiece. Were I in the shoes of the writer/director, there are a lot of things I would've done differently. But, that's not important. In my mind, the important thing is the answer to the following question:

Am I glad I watched it?

Short answer: Yes.
Long answer: The fairly unique premise for the story kept me interested throughout, and while I was somewhat disappointed by the ending, I definitely didn't see it coming. I wouldn't rush out to Blockbuster to see it again, but if you haven't seen it yet, and you happen to see that hopelessly awkward title in the TV Guide, I suggest you check it out. It's probably not good enough to warrant skipping the new episode of Eleventh Hour, but if there's nothing else on, it's definitely worth a watch.

Final Score: 3/5

RE: Reviews

Well, I finished the video I've been working on, but I think I should preface this with a little backstory.

I haven't talked about it yet, but I got No More Heroes recently. I absolutely love the game, despite its flaws. Its innovative and fun combat, mixed into a story full of colorful characters, make this a memorable gaming experience.

Now, I realize that's not exactly an in-depth game review, but I've decided once and for all that I am never going to attempt to write a real video game review for a game I've played. The logic behind this decision is pretty simple:

1. To begin with, from Ctrl-Alt-Del to ZeroPunctuation, from IGN to IrateGamer, from Gametrailers to GameLife, everyone and their mother thinks they can and should review games. The fact of the matter is, anyone who really wants to research a title before buying it does not need my opinion to help their decision. There is already plenty of information out there to help people with their gaming purchases. Doing my own game reviews would just be a waste of everyone's time. I'll draw the line at Sci-fi B-movies, but as for any other reviews, I want no part.


2. If I get into reviewing games, or even B-movies, on a regular basis, I'll start to trick myself into thinking anyone gives a fuck about my opinion. What's worse, this will quickly inflate my ego and turn me into yet another irate, overly-opinionated jackass. If my time on the Internet has proven anything to me, it's that we already have more than enough of those.


3. Honestly, I have no objectivity when it comes to gaming. Gaming is in my blood; I've been addicted since the original NES days of my innocent youth. As such, I'm in love with all things gaming, and I'm often unable to see the inherent flaws in the things I love. Hell, this shouldn't be news to you. You know me: I never got an original playstation, but I loved my used Sega Saturn. I never wanted to try Devil May Cry, but I thought God Hand was a gift from above. I reject Final Fantasy, and I still think Baten Kaitos is the greatest RPG franchise of our time. So, clearly, I'm in no position to tell other people what's good and what's bad.

Anyway, with that said, I really enjoyed No More Heroes, and I liked it enough to make a new music video out of it. There might be some minor spoilers, but nothing that should ruin it for anyone who hasn't played it yet. You should be aware, though, that the game is M-rated, so if you have problems with seeing blood or partial nudity, I suggested you suck it up, you big pussy.

As usual, the music is from Bullets and Octane. Rock on, my brothers and sisters.

On Mental Illness

A topic I am overqualified to discuss. I'll just let you know, I've increased my medication recently. There haven't been any very obvious effects yet. I'll keep you posted.

Anyway, I was just thinking, why do people always think I'm crazy just because I talk to myself? That's just wrong. I mean, I am crazy, but that's besides the point. Talking to yourself doesn't make you crazy. It just means you like to hear what you're thinking out loud. Scientists do it all the time.

So, to clear up the confusion, here's a simple reminder. The next time you see someone talking alone, consult this list.
If they are...

• talking to themselves,

--- They are not crazy. In fact, they're probably smarter than you.


• talking to someone who isn't there,

--- They're crazy, but probably not dangerous.


• talking to an animal,

--- See above.


• talking to someone inside their own head, and that person is talking back,

--- Run. Fast.

I'm Not Dead

Just letting you know, you know? I haven't really posted since there isn't much going on right now. I'm trying to keep up with my schoolwork, so my life is pretty boring right now. Plus, I've been really bummed out since I missed that Halloween party. On the bright side, I do have another music video in the works. More on that whenever I finish it.

Also, I want this mp3:

This is the Best News Ever

I got my absentee ballot in the mail today. I voted for Bob Barr. No, that's not the news, but I thought I'd mention it.

No, the big news is this: YouTube has officially added audio previews for comments. Yes! This has been suggested many times in many forms by many different people, but I never thought I'd see the day that it gets implemented. This is fantastic. Now, when people go posting comments on my videos, they'll first click audio preview, and something like this will happen:



(Congrats go to Randall Munroe. He called it)

Tropic Thunder Was Really Good

Just saw it over the weekend. I think that's all I have to say about it for now. My parents canceled their internet provider after their computer broke, so I was Internetless for a good 5 days. Oh, what withdrawals I've been having.

Of course, everything cool always happens while I'm gone. Even Urban Dead updated for the first time in months. No doubt, all my characters are dead by now. Well, at least Mice Hunt keeps running while I'm gone.

Now, I have an episode of House to watch. Peace, my homies.

RE: American Family

American Family: A Rant

Some of the stuff I was reading for sociology really got my blood a'boilin', so I just really want to get this out of my system. Pass it on if you agree with me.

If you know me at all, you probably know I come from a happy (albeit mentally unstable) family. My parents have been together over 25 years. By now, they've discovered pretty much every possible way to piss one another off. They also know how to forgive and forget, how to work things out and do what's best for the family. They know how to think about more than just themselves; to remember that through thick and thin, come hell or high water, they are in this together to the end. They also apparently remember that every good fight deserves good makeup sex. Ew. :x

That said, it amazes me how many people are still getting divorced these days. And it's not even the divorce itself that pisses me off; it's the constant bickering and fighting that continues afterward. Take custody battles: how often do the parents in these situations actually fight for custody of their kids simply because they love them and want to be a part of their lives? Not often, as far as I've seen. Many divorced couples will squabble with each other in lengthy legal battles over the kids purely because they ran out of other shit to fight over. Seriously, are these people aware that their kids are living, breathing things? This is not a car or a record collection you people are fighting over; they're people.

Guys, listen carefully to me: at his core, a real man should do more than look out for #1. A real man looks after himself and his own. A real man cares for his family no matter what. Now, if you got divorced and fought for custody of your kids because you thought that was what's best for them, and because you love them and care about their well-being and their future, then you are a real man. If you fought over custody of your kids just to fuck with your ex-wife, you are not a man. Pull your head out of your ass and grow the fuck up.

In Sociology class right now, we're talking about the changing definition of a family in America. Now, to me, a family has always meant the same thing: it's a group of people who love and take care of one another. A divorced couple locked in a lengthy custody battle for the ultimate title of biggest ego is not a family; it is a couple of selfish pricks with exploited, neglected kids who will most likely grow up to be either arsonists or pedophiles.

Then comes the whole child support thing. Frankly, I think the system is broken. It was probably based on a good idea, but now it's just a tool for ex-wives to torment their ex-husbands with. How often does that money even go to the kids? Not often enough, as far as I can tell. Many divorced dads still spend time with their kids, too, buying them clothes and gifts, taking them shopping or out to dinner and so on. Does any of that count toward their mandatory "child support"? Fuck no, it doesn't. Why? Because, according to judges, those expenses were "voluntary", and thus don't count toward their mandatory support payments. If that previous sentence makes logical sense to you, please go slam you head in a car door.

All I want to know is, what the fuck happened to good old families in America? I'm not even saying it has to be a wife, a husband, two kids, a dog and a white picket fence. I'm just saying, people need to look out for each other. When you get married, it's no longer just about you; it's about 'us'. That's what marriage was invented for. Unfortunately, so many people ignore the meaning of the vows they arbitrarily take when they get married. For most, I think comedian Corey Holcomb's vows are more appropriate.

We are gathered here today to unite this fool's bank account into this woman's possession. If there is anybody here who thinks they can talk some sense into this fool, let him speak now or forever say it behind their back.

Do you, fool, promise to make this woman out to be everything she ain't, until hatred, loss of appetite and depression do you part?

How about you, young lady? Do you promise to show this fool what an angry woman, and a corrupt child support system to do to somebody's self-esteem?

Then, by the power vested in me, I now pronounce you future enemies.

I am psyched

Seriously.



October 29th can't come fast enough.

You'll Go Blind Doing That...

So, I've been playing with my Wii. The only real game I have for it right now, aside from WiiSports/WiiPlay which really don't count, is Super Smash Bros. Brawl. Awesome game, but I feel a bit silly with this being the only Wii game I play. It's on the Wii, but it doesn't use any of the Wii motion-sensing abilities. Which, to me, feels like owning a Ferrari and sitting in the driveway listening to the radio. I mean, if all you want is a radio, there's a more cost-efficient way to go about it.

I don't even use the Wii controls for Brawl; I use a gamecube controller. Now, for those of you who have never owned a Wii or closely inspected one, you might not know that on the top, there are two little plastic covers. These open up to reveal a black panel with a set of controller ports and memory card ports for the Gamecube. I think most Wii owners can attest to the fact that this discovery surprised the hell out of them the first time they hooked the system up. Being a stark contrast to the console's white exterior, it kind of looks like they took a black Gamecube and magically jammed it into a little white box.

Here's something else you might not know: those little white covers break off very easily. I found that out the hard way. Actually, they're supposed to come off, and are designed to do so, but when they do, it makes a bone-chilling snapping sound. Believe me, that's not a sound you want to hear coming from your $200 game console, especially if you're like me and didn't bother to mail in the warranty card.

Peoplewatching Tip

Seriously, Zach Weiner is a friggin' genius.

Jack Thompson Got Disbarred

Ah, sweet justice. Just goes to show you, if you piss off enough people for long enough, sooner or later somebody is going to smack you in the mouth. Figuratively, of course.

(Read the full article here)
---

In a four-page written order, the Florida Supreme Court today affirmed a referee's recommendation to permanently disbar controversial Miami attorney Jack Thompson.

The action, which takes effect in 30 days, means that Thompson will no longer be licensed to practice law and may not apply for reinstatement. Ever.

In citing a litany of offenses, the Court noted Thompson's extensive pattern of misconduct and cited a "complete lack of remorse." The Court also quoted extensively from the June, 2008 report of Judge Dava Tunis, who served as referee at Thompson's November, 2007 trial on charges brought by the Florida Bar:

In her report, the referee states: Over a very extended period of time involving a number of totally unrelated cases and individuals, [r]espondent has demonstrated a pattern of conduct to strike out harshly, extensively, repeatedly and willfully to simply try to bring as much difficulty, distraction and anguish to those he considers in opposition to his causes.

He does not proceed within the guidelines of appropriate professional behavior, but rather uses other means available to intimidate, harass, or bring public disrepute to those whom he perceives oppose him.

Noting that "The Court concludes that the facts, as even more extensively detailed in the referee's report, support the referee's numerous recommendations as to guilt," the justices of the Florida Supreme Court affirmed Thompson's offenses as delineated by Judge Tunis.

Some of these include findings that Thompson made false statements and accusations, repeatedly harassed those he considered opponents, and, while falsely accusing others of "the criminal distribution of sexual materials to minors," himself attached pornography to court filings.
...

The Court also upheld a fine of $43,675 against Thompson...

Ouch.

Let's Play A Game...

Watch this video. If you laugh, you lose.

Gaming Haze

Just thought I'd post, since I haven't in a while. My general rule of thumb is, if I have to log in to Blogger again because the 'keep me logged in' cookie has expired, it's probably been too long. Unfortunately, I don't have much to say right now. It's just school as usual.

I did finally buy Super Smash Bros. Brawl, though. I've been enjoying it a lot, though I've basically reached the point where it's really only fun in multiplayer. I mean, I could keep collecting all the trophies and stuff, but that seems like an awful lot of effort for not much payout. Once you've beaten Subspace Emissary and you've got all the characters and stages, what's the point?

Aside from that, though, I have continued looking over my retro game collection. I played Resident Evil 4 again for the hell of it, and considered playing Tales of Symphonia because there are a few side quests I never discovered. Besides, I'm probably not going to be buying Tales of the Abyss or whatever the new one for the PS3 is. Although, that would be more reason for me to get a PS3, the primary one being Mercenaries 2. I've heard it's not as good as the original, but I'm kind of a fanboy, and besides, how bad could it be? It's still Mercenaries.

Alright, I guess that's enough rambling to constitute a post. Later, lovers.

Celebrity Collage by MyHeritage

http://www.myheritage.com/collage

MyHeritage: Celebrity Collage - Geneology - Descendants

So, I just visited Cracked.com

25 Most Disturbing Sex Toys

...Oh, God. I need a shower.

Something Old, Something New

What's new with me? I'm tired. I have the worst sleeping habits when I'm in college. Oh, wait, that's not really new, is it?

I don't know what it is, but something about the college atmosphere is just really conducive to staying up late and taking naps in the daytime. I think part of the problem is that damn loft bed. Once I'm up there, it takes a serious effort to get up. I can't just "roll out of bed," unless I develop a death wish. If I want to get out of bed, I have to move down to the foot of the bed and over the side like I'm climbing out of a tree house.

Also, to the good men and women of the SUNYIT Facilities Dept., if you're reading this, get your asses to L4 and pick up this extra furniture already. I swear, someone really screwed up when they set the schedule for this furniture pick-up business. The time was pretty specific (between 9am and 12:30pm), but the dates were basically "Beginning on Sept. 2nd, until whenever the hell we get around to it."

Other than that, I've kind of been reexamining the retro gaming classics of my youth. After acquiring the soundtrack to Mr. Bones, I was struck with the urge to make a music video. That might sound strange, unless you realize that the music in Mr. Bones was done by Ronnie Montrose, a legend of the blues world. Even longtime fans of his think Mr. Bones was one of his best albums.

Anyway, you can decide for yourself. I made this video to go with The First Thing, which in my opinion is one of the most beautiful pieces of music I've ever heard. So, without further ado, take a soulful trip with me down memory lane:



(Note: If you buy the soundtrack, the version of this song on the cd is instrumental only. For the video, I kept the version with the voice-over from the game.)

This Just In (Albeit A Little Late)

Given the choice, I would probably kill you and your whole family in exchange for a PS3 and a copy of this game.

1,150 Things Mr. Welch Can No Longer Do During An RPG

I don't know who originally wrote all of this (probably a collaborative effort), but I found it here:
http://theglen.livejournal.com/16735.html

I don't think I have space enough to post the whole document, but here are a few select favorites of mine:

1. Cannot base characters off the Who's drummer Keith Moon.
24. Even if the rules allow it, I am not allowed to summon 50,000 Blue Whales.
28. The Goddess' of Marriage chosen weapon is not the whip.
73. Not allowed to name my cudgel Ceremonial Whoopass Stick.
178. There are no profanities in Celestial.
214. There is no prestige class Drizzt Slayer.
219. In formal introductions to royalty, I must not introduce my companions as just "The Other Guys".
224. I cannot insinuate elf chicks are all easy, even though you never hear about a half gnome do you?
243. Cannot cast haste on the king during a long winded speech to get him to hurry the hell up.
260. Gnomes do not have a racial bonus in bobsled.
272. No skill allows specializing in defenestration.
299. I do not get any XP for anyone I kill by stampeding sheep.
301. "Well Hung" is not a physical, social or mental trait.
330. The Halfling Paladin does not represent the Lollipop Guild.
374. I am not to combine the advantage Fearless and the disadvantage Curious in the same character again.
378. I can cannot give my character the moniker "Tim the Barbarian". Especially since he's the bard.
384. The titles "Viking" and "Obstretrician" are mutually exclusive.
409. I will not cast darkness at the magic missile.
412. I will not try to skip to the main boss dressed like a singing telegram.
419. Spankings generally will not change evil alignments.
461. Tasha's Uncontrollably Hideous Sister is not a real spell.
467. There is no 'accidentally' slipping a Smite Evil into a pillow fight.
481. I am forbidden from doing anything that ends with a snarf, rimshot or spit take.
484. If the word 'Mullet' appears anywhere on my samurai's character sheet, he's vetoed.
486. No how tough the encounter was, I will keep the congratulatory ass slapping to a minimum.
487. Halfing mating rituals do not include beer can crushing, power belching, or Lynyrd Skynyrd trivia.
502. If my name isn't Grimlock, can't start every sentence with "Me Grimlock"
510. After a bloody battle, I will not celebrate by lying down and making carnage angels.
544. I will not cast Gate to bind an infernal creature of power to my bidding and make him mow the lawn.
588. Paladins are immune to STDs, but if I take advantage of this ability, I lose it. Wonderful paradox, isn't it?
593. Tensor's Herniated Disc is not a real spell.

Okay, that's enough of that for now. Go read the rest if you want, but I'm out.

Most Stressful Job Ever

No, this isn't a Price Chopper flashback. I just had to share this. Watch:

Let There Be Rock

Well, I got to go to the concert yesterday. I didn't buy the tickets until the day of, meaning ordinary lawn seats were $45 each. God help you if you wanted orchestra seating up front. Actually, I ended up getting 4 tickets, since the special 4-pack actually ended up being cheaper than 3 tickets. Besides myself, I got my sister and cousin to come with me for company. They weren't too enthused at first, but ended up having more fun than I did. I, of course, can't divulge the details of that fun, as it would be breaking sibling code. I don't rat on them for doing things that are illegal at their age, and they don't ask what's in those big black trash bags I hid in the basement.



Anyway, Crue Fest was pretty sweet. The bands involved were, in order of appearance, Trapt, Sixx AM, Papa Roach, Buckcherry, and Motley Crue (or, if your prefer, Mötley Crüe). I had mixed feelings about the earlier acts. Frankly, I think Sixx AM sucks, plain and simple. I've got nothing against emo rock in general, but I think if you're going to pour your heart out in your lyrics and make yourself sound like a whiny, overly emotional puss, you could at least write some halfway decent music to go with it. For example, see Three Days Grace, or if you're really feeling adventurous, My Chemical Romance.

Trapt and Papa Roach were okay. But of course, Buckcherry kicked all their asses, as I knew they would. Buckcherry just has a charisma and connection with the audience that most bands can't match. A lot of people ended up without shirts on once they started playing Crazy Bitch.

But, of course, the boys of Motley Crue stole the whole damn show. The guys are getting a little old, but they still know how to have a good time. Tommy Lee is a character, and Mick Mars is still an absolute beast on the guitar. Watching him shred actually gives me a hard-on. Or maybe it was all the half-naked women licking each other on the video screen. Meh, I'll say it was both.

The one kink in the show was Vince's voice. Somehow, they messed with the audio equipment in order to offset the obvious effects of old age on his voice, so he would still sound how he used to. Good idea on paper. The unfortunate result was that he ended up sounding like Foamy the Squirrel. It's sad, considering how perfect he sounds on the new album. Maybe it was just a one-time fluke with SPAC's equipment, but whether it was intentional or not, it was weird to listen to. Anyway, it wasn't a deal-breaker for me. Vince's animated onstage performance and signature style more than made up for it.

Of course, like most rocks shows, much of the real show was going on in the audience. A lot of people were safe and sound in the orchestra seating, but we were up top on the lawn, right in the middle of the madness. Pretty much everyone there was either drunk, stoned or both. Beach balls and lighters were flying throughout. At least a dozen fights broke out, wherein the SPAC security got to demonstrate how bad at their job they really are. One guy actually got his nose broken, but was too drunk to even realize it. And this was all just halfway into Papa Roach's set. By the time Crue came on stage, there were devil horns and body surfers as far as the eye could see. Things only slowed down for the encore: a spirited rendition of Home Sweet Home, during which there wasn't a dry eye to be seen.

Once it was over, the ride home was obviously a madhouse. We sat waiting in line to get out of the parking lot for about 45 minutes, give or take. We ended up getting home around 12:30pm. That probably doesn't sound to bad, until you consider that we got there at 4pm, and the show started around 5. That's one mother of a concert.

So, all in all, Crue Fest was a very fun experience, and I'm glad I got to go. Before the show ended, Nikki Sixx gave his promise that we'd meet up again next year for Crue Fest 2. I don't know how official that is, but if it's true, you can guess who'll be buying his tickets ahead of time next year.

Now, in other rock news:
Ratner Pitching Guitar Hero Film
God help us all...

It's Done

My God Hand music video is finished. This thing's been on the back burner for a while, but I finally got enough clips to finish it. I had to change my original vision a bit, but I'm still very pleased with how it came out. I consider this to be my crowning achievement in video editing. So, you'd better have nothing but positive feedback for it. Considering I made the whole thing on a laptop with nothing but Windows Movie Maker, I'd say I did pretty damn well.

And now without further ado, here's the video, featuring music by Bullets and Octane. Bow down and worship, you pathetic mortals.

Movin' On Up

I just moved my stuff into my suite today. It's pretty cool by college housing standards. I have pretty much the best desk ever conceived. Photos will follow once I've finished breaking it in.

My roommates seem okay. I haven't met one of them yet, but I doubt he could possibly offset Justin's coolness. Dude looks like me back when I had long hair. Only better looking. And he's got a girlfriend. And he's not a CS student. So, basically, he looks kind of like me, but is cooler in every possible way.

Anyway, the only real downer so far is I'll be in a lofted bed for the first time since freshmen year. It's no big deal, but on warm nights, the top bunk can get pretty hot. Warm air rises, you know.

So, that's about all for now. More relevant information will follow when I feel like it.

Breaking the Chain

Some of you may remember a little chain letter on Facebook a while back, claiming to be from "Founder of Facebook Mark Zuckerber". Well, it seems to be back, this time appearing in my message inbox. I don't blame the guy who sent it to me, but clearly we didn't raise enough awareness the first time.

Let me just make it clear: If you get this message, delete it. Don't forward it. If you forward it, you will be taunted and ridiculed with extreme prejudice. The message is fake, and everyone knows it. I myself logically proved it in the past. I refer you to Exhibit A.

So, let me just say that, if you forward this thing to anyone at all, you are either an idiot, a sadist, or both. While I'm normally a very forgiving person, if I get this message again, I'm going to bring back the Serial Killer app and make good use of it. You don't know fear until you've seen what a pissed off nerd can do to your Notifications page.

A Social Experiment: Please Join

Dystopia: Come for the legalized marijuana. Stay for the insight.

Have you ever been annoyed with the government and how they run things? Think you could do better? Here's a chance to find out.

Dystopia is a fictional nation. The government is almost purely democratic, with all its laws and policies being chosen by the general populous. Whatever the people decide, it is law. So, if you're a citizen, you have a very direct say in how the country is run. The country is still in its infancy, so there's no telling what kind of nation it could become.

I Hate Schenectady

And Mondays. And broken traffic signals. And some other things I can't think of right now.

I got asked to work yesterday, and I said yes, even though it's a route I've never done before, and since then have vowed to never do again. Aside from the 3 hours of hell that started it, I think the highlight/lowlight of this past Monday was a little crash I had with a van at a screwed up intersection in downtown Schenectady. I happened to have my phone with me at the time and snapped a picture. See if you can spot the scratch on the side.



The side mirror actually was knocked right off and sent flying in through the window. It may have hit me in the head. We're not sure.



I'm more or less okay, but I don't think my car will be drivable for a while, if ever again. Only time and the guys at Fogg's Automotive will tell.

Intellectual Humor

I just had to share this.

More Shark Week

Fun fact: According to the Mythbusters, sharks are unaffected by the chemical in hot chili peppers that makes them hot. Also, they seem to enjoy eating balloons. I'm not sure why. For that matter, why do crocodiles enjoy eating marshmallows? Some things in the animal kingdom just don't make sense.

Maybe I should just accept it. I mean, sharks eating balloons shouldn't be a surprise. Sharks have been found with license plates and suits of armor in their stomachs. Why would they turn the other gill to a balloon full of chili?

Also, big news: Freakazoid Season 1 comes out this week.

I think I need to change my underwear.

Shark Week

Happy Shark Week, everybody. I'm going to try to use this week to learn, as well as teach my dear readers, as much cool stuff about sharks as possible. So, I guess I'm off to Wikipedia. In the meantime, I'll grab some random shark attack videos off of YouTube to keep you amused.

Watch the latest videos on YouTube.com

Rant: You Know What I Hate?

The weather.

It's been even more schizophrenic than usual. All week, it's been hopping back and forth between hot as hell and miserable shit rain. I mean, I don't mind a little rain, but we're talking buckets of rain. Watching it sheet off the roof into the gutters, it's like God left the bathtub running and it's spilling out all over the place. Plus, the floor-rattling thunder with bolts of lighting that illuminate the entire sky doesn't help the atmosphere much.

Meanwhile, I have no idea what to do with my car windows. If I leave them down when it's hot out, the interior ends up soaking wet. But if I leave them up, then the inside of the car gets hot enough to bake a tray of brownies. And when it switches from one to the other in a matter of hours, I really have no chance of guessing right.

So yeah, that's what's getting on my nerves lately.

Joke of the Day

No, this will not be a reoccurring thing. And no, I didn't come up with the joke. It's one of those ones that's been told so many times, no one knows who came up with it anymore. Enjoy.

---

A man bought a new Mercedes to celebrate his wife leaving him and was out on the interstate for a nice evening drive.

The top was down, the breeze was blowing through what was left of his hair and he decided to open her up. As the needle jumped up to 80 mph, he suddenly saw flashing red and blue lights behind him.

“There’s no way they can catch a Mercedes,” he thought to himself and opened her up further. The needle hit 90, 100…..Then the reality of the situation hit him. “What am I doing?” he thought and pulled over.

The cop came up to him, took his license without a word and examined it and the car.

“It’s been a long hard day, this is the end of my shift and it’s Friday the 13th. I don’t feel like more paperwork, I don’t need the frustration or the overtime, so if you can give me a really good excuse for your driving that I haven’t heard before, you can go.”

The guy thinks about it for a second and says, “Last week my nagging wife ran off with a cop. I was afraid you were trying to give her back!”

“Have a nice weekend,” said the officer.

Quick Update

Sorry for the lack of posts lately. I think the weather is screwing with my brain. I'm pretty sure this past week was one of the hottest on record. I don't follow the weather forecasts, so I'll just assume it was around 110 degrees with 105% humidity.

Seriously, when it gets as hot as it's been this past weekend, I literally can't think. I think the heat actually interferes with my enzyme activity, and my neurons can't produce neurotransmitters properly, effectively shutting down my brain and making it impossible to process a thought more complex than, "Fuck, it's hot!"

On the bright side, staying inside with the AC on yesterday seemed to help my brain work better. I got a little work done on that novel of mine. It was only a couple pages, but that's more than I did through the whole month of June, so I'm fairly proud of myself. It's amazing what I can accomplish when I shut the damn tv off.

Oh, and I bought an immortality ring off the internet. Yet more proof that I can be talked into anything.

That's all for now, blogosphereans. Stay cool.

My Inbox

I usually don't check my email every single day, simply because I don't get that much. Plus, I rarely receive anything especially time-sensitive. But this... is just downright depressing.

Anyway, I haven't been online much this week. I've been working every day since Wednesday, and I'm a little run down. I had actually been planning to make a special video blog entry, but now I'm not sure if that's going to materialize or not. Only time will tell, I guess.

Some good news, though. It's offical: I got accepted to SUNYIT after all, so it looks like I'm off to school again in the fall. I'm not 100% sure it's the right program for me, but come on. These residence halls kick ass!

#3: No Number 3 - Writer Has Tuberculosis

Anyone else watch Letterman? Again, sorry for the lack of updates. I've had kind of a busy week.

I had my meeting with the SUNYIT people. It looks like I'm in, barring some unforseen incident. So, I'm back in school in the fall. I'm just bursting with excitement.

Also, as they said they would, my superiors at the meals delivery job have started calling me for additional days. A lot. It's funny to think that just last week I was working one day a week. Next week, I have six days in a row. I guess that's why they call it 'work', right?

I've still been playing Rogue Galaxy in my spare time. Now I know why I took a break from playing it. Like many RPGs before it, this game threatens to swallow up my very being like some kind of gaming black hole. Yesterday, I played for about 11 hours solid. After that amount of time, even the characters in the game were saying, "Wow, you've been playing forever. Why don't you call it a day?" (I wish I were joking, but that is 100% true. I guess Kisala knows more about time management than I do).

I bought some more music while I was out. Aerosmith's "Devil's Got A New Disguise", and some classic Bon Jovi. It's a shame my hair's too short to effectively headbang anymore.

Oh, that reminds me: I got a haircut. It's now very short and greasy (just like me). It's kind of funny how a trim and a little gel can make me look years older. Anyway, I'll have photos/video of that later. I'm signing off now. Toodles~<3.

You Neglected To Mention The Sleeper Sofa

If anyone was wondering where I've been all weekend, I was helping my aunt move. My dad was planning to take the truck to help her, and he was originally going alone. I would've simply spent my Saturday sleeping in. But, of course, my mom would have none of that. So, she managed to talk me into going along to help out.

I'm not sure why I thought it would be a good idea. For one, we had to get started around 8 in the morning. Usually, an earthquake couldn't wake me up at that hour. I'm not sure how I managed to get up that early and work for the next six and a half hours, but I made up for it with about 12 hours of sleep that night.

Secondly, I'm not sure if you've noticed, but I have the physique of an anorexic cheerleader. Heavy lifting is not my forte, you know? So, aside from carrying the lighter boxes and the mattress down the stairs, I really wasn't all that useful. I did help my aunt hook up her new dvd player, though, so I guess it wasn't a total waste.

Also, it seems we weren't the only ones helping someone move into a new apartment that day. There was a whole other family there, and unlike us, they had a U-haul. It made the elevators a little more than busy that day, so we were bumping into each other quite a bit. It was an interesting experience though.

Here's something I learned: When my dad and my uncle try (and fail) to get onto an elevator with a couch, it's tiring, sad and irritating. When three asian guys do it (and succeed), it's wildly entertaining.

Once all was done, I went home and zoned out for a while. I tried to watch Unforgiven on tv that night, but I fell asleep before the end. Well, maybe next time.

Web of Madness

You know, a neighborhood like this one looks pretty innocent on a map. But trying driving through it at midnight, and it quickly becomes an inescapable death trap. This area, located roughly a mile and change South-East of my house, is what I refer to as the Web of Madness.



A friend of my sister's lives in there, and I ended up driving him home last night. Being the idiot that I am, I didn't pay close enough attention on the way in, so on my way out I got pretty badly lost. I swear, this is no regular neighborhood. Roads snake around in circles and double back on each other. There are like 5 roads with the same names. For a place that appears to go in circles, there are an awful lot of dead ends. I swear, I think some of them move around like the staircases in Harry Potter.

Anyway, it only took me about 10 minutes of driving in circles to find my way out again. Not bad, considering I'd never been there before and didn't have a map or anybody to give me directions. I'm thinking I might go look back at it again if I get bored. If I can learn how to navigate around this place by mental map alone, then driving in Schenectady should be simple.

Slow Down Before You Hurt Yourself

I've been kind of busy lately. Since I'm a new employee with the Meals on Wheels thing, I had to fill out this mountain of paperwork for tax purposes. I finally turned that all in yesterday, but I'm still not finished. I also have to get a PPD test and bring back the results within two weeks. There's two more appointments for next week. It's an inconvenience, but at least it'll be good to know I don't have tuberculosis.

Since the program is run by the Catholic Diocese of Schenectady, I also need to go to a mandatory Virtus training presentation. This kind of crap always happens, doesn't it? Thanks to a few priests who couldn't keep their hands off of young boys, now everyone even loosely affiliated with the Catholic church has to go to a mandatory pedophelia awareness seminar. Same reason car windows don't go all the way down in the back seat, and McDonald's has to put a little "Warning: This is Hot" message on their apple pies, which more often than not are just lukewarm. A few bad eggs, and the whole damn hen house has to submit to a cavity search.

Anyway, I finally heard back from SUNYIT, and I set up an interview for early next week. They want to see my high school transcript, so I had to call over to BHBL high. I'm going to pick it up tomorrow, which I guess will have to happen after my doctor's appointment but before my haircut. Like I said, I've been kind of busy lately.

Gay Guys Find Me Sexy

Just throwin' it out there.

For those not in the know, I don't swing that way. I likes me the ladies. But, I'm very open-minded and accepting of my fellow man. Plus, it's a nice little ego boost to know somebody wants to see me naked, even if it is a dude. Besides, if he's reading this right now, I'm pretty sure Schunk is laughing so hard that Mountain Dew is spewing out of his nose.

And now, for anyone who was wondering exactly how I gleaned the above knowledge, I'll just say the following: I am unequivocally 100% straight (which is pretty impressive considering I don't know what unequivocally means). But as many of my friends know, I can be talked into just about anything. And what happens on Human Pets stays on Human Pets.

Okay, that's enough of that. Good-night, everybody.

George Carlin Is God

I don't have much to say today, which is probably just as well, since this story easily overshadows anything I would've had to say anyway.

For those of you who haven't heard yet, on Sunday night, legendary comedian George Carlin died of heart failure at the age of 71. I know it sounds silly, but this kind of came as a shock to me. I always kind of figured Carlin was one of those guys who was going to live forever. He wasn't my idol or anything, but I was a fan of his work, and I'm sad to see him go.

Of course, a man of George Carlin's stature deserves a better send-off than I can give. I think the Associated Press did a nice obituary.

Now, for anyone unfamiliar with his work, here are a few clips so you can get a sense of what you missed.





Rest in Peace
George Denis Patrick Carlin
1937-2008

Maintaining the Streak

I've been posting a lot more than usual this week. May as well try to keep it going, right? Who knows, maybe if I update regularly enough, people will actually read this crap.

And now for something completely different.

Speedy Dan is Loose

I found this whole 'spicy side' thing rather amusing, so I went and got one of my own. Ain't he a loveable little scamp?

And That's When It Started Raining...

Started my first day on the job today. Things went about as badly as they possibly could, considering what an easy job this was supposed to be.

To start with, I've got some kind of stomach bug today. I muscled through it to get to work, but ended up there almost a half hour late because I was confined to the bathroom for a while beforehand. Once I finally got on the road, the deliveries were going pretty smoothly. One building was kind of hard to find, but otherwise it was smooth sailing for a good 45 minutes.

Then my car broke down. Apparently, I should have left the engine running in the driveway, because the two hot boxes plugged into cigarette lighter was just too much for the battery. So, I had to call for help. Jen at the office was very understanding. She said she'd be sending someone over to finish the route, so I just had to worry about my car.

While I waited for the cavalry to arrive, I got some help from Mr. Russel and his daughter. After the three of us struggled for ten minutes with the seemingly simple task of opening the hood of my car, they gave me a jump, and I was able to get it started again. But I still had to stick around until someone came to pick up the route where I'd left off.

And that's when it started raining. The woman who had trained me yesterday showed up to save my sorry hide. She took the remaining stuff off my hands and left me with the reassuring knowledge that I definitely wasn't fired yet.

So, with the job at hand taken care of, all I had to do then was navigate my way home through downtown Schenectady in pouring rain. Yeah, that was about as fun as it sounds.

Finally, after about four wrong turns, 2 large potholes, 3 near-miss fender-benders, and a road closed for construction, I managed to get home. Obviously, I wouldn't be writing this now if I hadn't. Anyway, all I can say is that I hope next week on the job goes better. That should be easy. After all, it's pretty much an easy job, I now know the routes a little better, and I know to leave the car running while I run inside. Unless a meteor falls out of the sky and flattens my ride, I'm pretty sure next week can only be better.

Killer7 Video

As promised, and way ahead of schedule. I find that movie-making goes a lot faster when you have all the footage already. That, and when you don't actually make the video for the entire song. Anyway, here it is: (If any of you haven't played the game but now plan to, don't worry. There's no spoilers)

Mixed Bag

I started my new job today. As usual, I was right. It's pretty much a cakewalk. I've got the route all written out in case I forget anything, and everyone's very friendly. Short of an old lady falling and breaking her hip, there's not much that can go wrong.

Wednesday was rough, though. It was one of those Murphy's Law days. I was supposed to go to a doctor's appointment in the afternoon, but I couldn't go. I didn't understand how or why, but my car's battery turned up dead. Apparently, my mom went to close the windows last night and accidentally left the door ajar. Thus, the interior light never turned off all night, and the battery was totally drained.

So, anyway, since my car was shot, I was going to borrow the truck. Trouble is, the keys weren't in it. My dad had the keys, and he was at work at the time. There's apparently a spare set of keys in the house somewhere, but no one knows where. Mighty handy, huh?

So, I then had to call Dr. E to let her know I wouldn't be there in time. Except I couldn't. First, I called the wrong number a couple times by accident because apparently her secretary uses a different extension or something. Then, once I realized the problem and called the right number, I couldn't get through because it was busy. Then when I tried again, I was apparently being attacked by a ghost or something, because a dead zone appeared out of nowhere right over my room, and I couldn't get so much as one bar. Then, when the dead zone lifted, no one was answering. It was almost six o'clock that night when I finally got ahold of her secretary to reschedule the appointment.

God, I'm exhausted just thinking about that day again.

Anyway, on the videogame front, I'm taking a break from Rogue Galaxy. I got the sudden urge to go back and finish hard mode in Killer7, so I'm doing just that. Killer7 is just one of those rare games that has a lasting impression on you, you know? I also got a cool idea for a music video, which I'm working on now.

That'll be posted whenever I finish. Until then, peace my homies.

Male Unbonding

I ran into an old friend from high school today. We haven't spoken in like three years, so it was a bit awkward. As I guessed would be the case, we're kind of in different cliques these days. He likes working with horses at the barn; I pretty much hate barns in general. He's got a 360; I've got a Wii. He's getting Rock Band; I've been playing Cooking Mama: Cook-off. He's majoring in networking; I'm majoring in Computer Science. It was like an awkward conversation between a Jet and a Shark.

Yes, I just made a West Side Story reference.

Well, the good news is, it looks like the Meals-on-Wheels job is a go. I start next Thursday. It'll be nice to have some decent income again. Still no word from SUNYIT yet, though. I'm itching with anticipation. Or maybe it's mosquito bites. I can never tell these days.

These Are My Shoes

Be honest. They're hot, right?

Anyway, on the job front, I may have a hot new possibility. This Home Delivered Meals Program is in need of new drivers, so I'm applying there. If this works out, it'll be a pretty sweet gig, at least for a lazy guy like me. I'd just be delivering food to old people on weekends. 2 days a week, 3 hours a day. Pay is $8.50 an hour plus $0.40 per mile driven. Basically, it's the least demanding part-time job ever conceived, and at the same time, better paying than anything I've ever done.

Gaming-wise, I picked up Rogue Galaxy again. I believe I talked about the merits of this game a while ago. I had gotten stuck on a particularly vicious boss battle (one on one fight, Deego vs. Gale), and decided to take a break, but now I'm back at it. I beat the boss and have moved on in the story. I also discovered yet another merit this game has: bug collecting. It's a little optional sidequest that is basically a simplified version of Pokemon. I haven't tried the fights yet, but I will soon enough.

One last thing: Blogger Choice Awards are coming up. I probably have no chance in hell of winning anything, but a guy can dream, right? And anyway, there's always next year.

"Honest" Mechanics

Got my car back. It's running like new. My only complaint is that the gas tank was on E when I got the thing back. It was full when I dropped it off last week. Now, I understand that they have to leave the thing running a while, but twelve gallons of gas don't just burn themselves, you know. Screwy, ain't it? I'd investigate the matter further, but I just don't care that much.

I'm thinking about taking a summer writing workshop at SUNY Albany. Still no word back from SUNYIT, but I'll call them if I don't hear back soon. I really want this to work out. Aside from the fact that it's a great place, it's my only shot at getting student loan collection ninjas off my back.

Not a lot else going on today. Peace, my brothers.

~~~

UPDATE: Turns out the summer course is like $1100 for two weeks, and that's for no college credit. To get credit, you have to do the whole four weeks at $2300. Screw that.

Demons of Fleet Street

This past weekend, I finally got around to seeing Sweeney Todd. I first heard about this thing way back at the end of '07, but being the reclusive shut-in that I am, I didn't get out to the theater to see it. Anyway, I ended up renting it this past weekend, so I thought I might as well give a better-late-than-never movie review.

First of all, I had completely forgotten it's a musical. Now, some of you may know, I have an unhealthy history with musicals. My mom has this bizarre fixation with The Sound of Music, and has made me watch it more times than I care to think about. Do you have any idea how ungodly long that film is? Do you?!

Ahem. Moving on.

Johnny Depp and crew gave a moving performance. The writing was superb from start to finish. The distinct visual style made me reminisce of the old days of classic black and white films, but at the same time made great stylistic use of color. The whole thing is an orgiastic feast for the eyes (unless of course blood makes you squeamish). Likewise, the musical score was top notch, and perfectly captured the mood of each scene.

All in all, I'm sure the dark, gothic elements of this story turned off most contemporary movie-goers. But, if you're like me and can appreciate a classic Victorian-esque tragedy (the whole thing just screams Edgar Allan Poe), you're bound to love this movie. So, my deranged little shut-ins, if you haven't see it yet, hurry up and go.

Blatant Advertising - LA Police Gear

LA Police Gear is an online store where you can get a variety of tactical gear, from such providers as Underarmour, Blackhawk, and of course Surefire (Intelligible Asian man not included). Some items are available at extra-low closeout prices, as well as special services for military and government customers.

Today, I'm specifically looking at the 5.11 Tactical Shorts. *moviephone voice* "The 5.11 Tactical Shorts are special purpose-built shorts designed to carry bulky items and remain durable, with only the finest components used in construction." So, in other words, they're really nice, durable shorts. The prices are understandably a bit steeper than your typical pair of shorts, but the promise of free shipping and a free hat certainly sweeten the deal.

Feels Something Like Summertime

I wish someone would explain Bon Jovi to me. Did he just wake up one day and go, "Hey, I'm gonna be a country singer now!" I like his album Lost Highway, but it's kind of new ground for him. I mean, sure, he's always had kind of a cowboy vibe, but not like this.

I'm still unemployed. Not necessarily hating it. My car's still in the shop, though. I'm not sure what's going on there, but this means my mom can't get on my back for not looking for a job, because I physically can't leave the house until they get the thing fixed.

I'm applying to go to SUNYIT in the fall, but there's no guarantee they'll take me. If they do, I'll be safe from the student loan company's bill collecting ninjas. I've managed to evade them so far with a combination of dumb luck and smoke bombs, but I can't hold out forever. Being back in school full-time is the only surefire way to get them off my back. So, here's hoping SUNYIT works out for me.

Also, I finished Primal. I didn't totally love it, but it was certainly a fun play. Plus, the only game I've got that cost less is Lifeline. I actually got it for free at GameStop with their buy-2-get-one deal. I might even go back and finish playing it now, what with Primal being done and all. Who knows? Maybe today shouting into a microphone at a ditzy blonde will seem like fun. Lord knows I don't get enough of that living back home with dear old mother.

Did I mention I want to get out of this house and go back to school in the fall? Okay. Just checking.

Okay, so, I lied

It's Tuesday. Well, what can I tell you? I was busy yesterday.

As is typical in my family, I spent the whole day with relatives at a Memorial Day BBQ thing in our back yard. And, like always, I had to keep the young ones entertained. Probably the first time in a while that I've played catch, volleyball, badminton, bocci, and Mario Party all in the same day. Luckily, I still had energy left for smores and fireworks last night.

Now, for the news you've all been waiting for: Price Chopper and I have parted ways. I sat down with my supervisor, and we came to the agreement that this job was definitely not bringing out the best in me. So, I was dissmissed/quit. I don't care what you call it, but they still like me enough to let me use them as a reference, so it's not like I pushed over the bottle machines and stormed out the front door.

So, I'm an unemployed bum again. I'm going to try to use my newfound free time to finish up my novel manuscript, and make plans to go back to school. Right now, I'm thinking about spending a semester or two at SUNYIT, but it's not set in stone yet.

I'm also doing a little more reading. I'm almost done with a little paperback called The Boy Who Couldn't Die by William Sleator. It's not exactly the most original story ever written, but it's pretty creepy. I'm enjoying it. My next piece of summer reading will be Neil Gaiman's Anansi Boys. If you've read it, don't spoil it for me.

That's about it for now. Now go do something productive.

Stayin' Alive

So, after six months of collecting dust, I finally started playing Primal, which I bought back in '07 for about $5. The game's actually kind of cool. I have some issues with the camera and combat systems, and the AI is a bit flawed at times, but otherwise it makes for a unique and enjoyable action/adventure experience. Plus, for five bucks, how can I complain?



In work news, I'm not sure yet, but I think I might have just gotten myself fired from P-Chop. Gory details will follow on Monday.

So, I restarted my job search today. I was quickly reminded of what a pain applying online for a position can be. CVS and Hollywood Video both use the same online system, including a 20-page psychological evaluation that somehow expects to determine your suitability for a job based on your friends, your personality, and your general outlook on life (in the form of standard agree/disagree questions). Actual questions include such oddities as "It is maddening when the courts let guilty criminals go free," "There is no point in having close friends. They'll just let you down in the end," and the ever-popular "You are angry more often than nervous."

The other one was Wal-mart. Normally I'd never consider such a thing, but they have a photo department, and the last job that didn't make my eyes melt was in that field, so I thought it could work out. I think I have a good chance with this one, since I'm actually reasonably qualified for it, and I passed the entrance exam. Yes, Wal-mart has an entrance exam to screen applicants. And I failed it last time I took it. Take a moment to let that sink in.

That's about it for now. Until next time, readers. Viva la Revolucion!

Identity Crisis

I had a weird stomach thing happening last night. Imagine a horrible case of food poisoning that mysteriously only lasts about 40 minutes.

Anyway, I just Googled my name again. Somehow, yet another Dan I've never met has made it to the top of the results page:

http://www.mayerdan.com/

I still can't decide whether I should try changing my name. I mean, I like my name and all, but it just weirds me out being one of so many. It's like being one of the Marklars or something.

In drug news, I doubled my dose of Effexor (at Dr. E's suggestion). I'm on 150mg now. Feeling fine so far, but it's only been two days. We'll wait and see what happens.

Also, I trimmed my beard a bit. It's slightly less unsettling now, but still has that Lucifer-esque thing going on.

That's about it for now. In the meantime, go do something productive, would ya?

Good Post Titles Are Hard To Come By

My first day off from the job at P-Chop since last Tuesday. I'm gonna spend most of it on the couch. Just thought I'd churn out a post before I crash for the afternoon.

So, it turns out I'm still in the running for this job at IZEA. Fingers crossed, people. If this works out, I could have a whole new career on my hands. Well, a career.

At any rate, it's pretty sweet. I mean, what nerd doesn't dream of having a job where they're payed to sit on their ass typing? Plus, the whole work from home thing would save me a lot on gasoline. I'd talk about gas prices, but that's a topic I don't have the fiery passion to talk about right now. I had a decent night's sleep for the first time in weeks. The fire's just not there today.

Anyway, the only fly in the oinment is that I'm not sure yet if I'd still be allowed to use sponsored posts or not. I know a few people (lookin' at you, Jordan) weren't too pleased with them, but I think a few now and then can't hurt, and I'd hate to lose the chance. It probably says somewhere in the site's ULA whether employees can use the site. But, come on. Have you seen the length of that document? Who can actually read those things, right? It's like homework or something.

...Man, I hope Gordon from IZEA doesn't read this.

Feelin' Way Too Damn Good

You know, my life is usually so devoid of anything interesting, I can rarely think of anything worth writing here. Now, after a brief trip back to Poughkeepsie, I have amassed, in the span of 12 hours, more life mileage than the past four months combined. I can barely hope to keep track of everything that went down last night. So, for your sake and mine, I'll try to take it one step at a time, and hopefully I won't forget anything.

Tuesday, May 13th:

It's Jordan's birthday. I've called him on the phone to let him know I'm coming. I have his street address, but that's about it. Before hitting the road for Poughkeepsie, though, I have a gift in mind to pick up (more on this later). I did some hunting for it the day before, but had no luck.

12:30pm

I met with my therapist. We discussed some of the usual: insomnia, social awkwardness, suicidal thoughts. You know, typical shrink fare. However, we did spend some time discussing the trip I was planning to take that day. I wasn't especially nervous about it, but she gave me some advice and something of a pep talk that seemed to help put me in a good state of mind for the day ahead.

1:00pm

I stopped off at a small shopping center on the way home to look for the gift again. I'm left once again with nothing. I spoke with my mom on the phone, and she suggested FYE in Rotterdam, which would only take me about 15 minutes out of my way. That gave some hope to the gift dilemma. Unfortunately, before I could get there, another problem presented itself.

2:30pm

My car had been idling rough for a little while, and it stalled a couple times, so my dad and I decided to take it to Firestone for a checkup and oil change. As it turns out, the carborator housing was cracked. Fixing it was basically out of the question, but they could put in a replacement one. Only problem is, I have an '89 Accord with an very old type of carborator, and Honda stopped making them a long time ago. At present, there are only 3 of those carborators left in the country. And they're all in California. So, they'll have to special order the product and fly it in to fix the car. In all, the "check up" will run us about $1,500.

(Since then, I've made peace with this harsh reality, but I don't think dad will be the same for quite a while)

4:00pm

I borrowed my dad's car and drove out to Rotterdam for the gift. I was in luck, as FYE had the thing in stock after all.

On my way out, though, I saw something that startled me. While walking through the mall, I saw three women in an argument. Normally I would ignore such a thing, but these women were so shockingly, stereotypically Latina that I was downright scared. Their whole conversation consisted of calling each other bitches and waving their fingers. I couldn't help but think of Nicole Sulivan and Debra Wilson from that sketch on MADTV.

Anyway, after the brief detour through skanktopia, I tossed the gift in the car and got back on the road for Poughkeepsie.

4:30pm

Since my dad's car has a cd player, I was able to bring my own music with me. This was nice because I got to learn something very interesting about myself. I'm usually a pretty careful driver, but when I'm listening to Bullets and Octane, I'm overcome with the urge to drive like a madman in a stolen car with a dead hooker in the trunk and a kilo in the glove box.

6:30pm

With a little help from Mapquest, I arrived at Jordan's front door. He was apparently in the middle of playing Elder Scrolls IV: Oblivion. His character in the game is an evil assassin clad entirely in black who tends to kill random innocent people with reckless abandon. If any of you know Jordan, this shouldn't surprise you.

(It was around this time that I gave Jordan his gift, but for the purpose of better storytelling flow, I will divulge the details on this further on)

Also there were Beth, Alex and Kwame, all of whom I sort of knew but not really. To be honest, I'm not entirely sure that guy's name was Alex. Somebody let me know if I'm wrong.

I also briefly met a couple of Jordan's neighbors, but they didn't stick around long. Which is too bad, because God knows watching Jordan play Oblivion is far too exhilarating to miss.

8:15pm

Jordan said he was hungry, so our party of five went to the diner. We talked, ate, talked, and talked a little more. I found out Alex and Beth have both actually read this blog, which of course made me think, "You guys actually read that crap?"

(If you're reading now, hi guys! *waves*)

Kwame left at one point to talk with some friends who were also at the diner, and again right before we left. The guy's apparently pretty popular, and I now know why. It was established in my mind over the course of the night that Kwame is what Napoleon Dynamite would refer to as "pretty much the best guy ever". He's probably the nicest person at Marist. He's downright Ghandi-esque. He's so completely pure of heart, mind and soul that he actually glows a little bit. Which is kind of handy since I often have trouble seeing black people in the dark.

(Feel free to leave angry comments in the box below)

10:00pm

After dropping off Kwame, we headed back to Jordan's. It was at this point that we got to enjoy the gift I'd brought for Jordan. He had been pretty pleased when he first saw it, but his sentiments changed later in the evening.

So, to get right to the point, I got him a dvd: the movie Teeth. For those who haven't heard of it, allow me to relay the plot outline written on the back of the case:

"Dawn (Sundance award winner Jess Weixler) is a pretty but prim high school virgin who unknowingly has a set of mutant teeth between her legs. When a supposedly likeminded boyfriend forces himself upon her, Dawn's vagina dentata start chomping- which is just the beginning of "the most twisted story of female empowerment ever told" (DreadCentral.com). Caught between her emerging sexuality and a host of oversexed young men, including her twisted half-brother, Dawn eventually gives in to her freakish powers in this "morbidly funny, totally out there and courageous piece of horror cinema" (ArrowInTheHead.com)."

Before we continue, I'll give you a second to catch your breath and stop laughing.

Okay. So, while Beth and Kwame may not have appreciated the obvious piece of cinema gold we held in our hands, Alex, Jordan and I certainly did, and we decided to watch the movie together.

Now, I know some people out there still might want to see it, so rather than divulge any potential spoilers, I think I'll just tell you what happened next. About half-way into the 94 minute feature, Alex went into the other room to take a phone call and didn't come back until the end. He probably wishes he didn't come back at all. By the time it was all over, I was ready to curl up in bed and simultaneously laugh and cry myself to sleep, and Jordan was rendered psychologically incapable of ever having sex again for the rest of his life.

So, long story short, I ended up taking the dvd home with me. Jordan said he doesn't want it in his house. I basically ruined sex for him, and since sex is the only thing Jordan has to make life worth living, he was pretty much reduced to a miserable, pathetic shell of a man. I felt kind of guilty about that, but at the same time, strangely satisfied.

12:00am

I decided to say goodnight and headed out to my car. Before going home, though, I still had to find Schunk and try to get back my flash drive from him. I pretty much knew how to get to his apartment from Jordan's. What I didn't know is that the route I was planning to take was in fact a one-way street. In fact, most of the streets running through there were one-ways. So, I found myself on a one-way trip into the deepest bowels of Poughkeepsie. I probably could have stopped for directions, but instead opted to drive around town, operating purely on instinct, and tried to find my way back. The odds were against me, but my impeccable sense of direction payed off in no time.

12:45am

I found my way back to Route 9, and shortly thereafter made it to Schunk's place. I parked on the street, walked up the sidewalk in front of his house, and took out my cell phone.

Now, as interesting as this was for me at the time, it became much more interesting after hearing Schunk's side of it, so I will go ahead and give it to you now, with some paraphrasing:

Schunk had been out at the bar that night, getting hammered and trying to hook up with some girls. As the night wore on, he realized he had nothing to show for his efforts thus far beside a stomach full of alcohol and the increasingly slim chance that he was going to get laid.

Feeling defeated, he decided to go home early. About ten minutes after getting back to his apartment, his cell phone suddenly rang. Naturally, he thought to himself, Hey, this night is turning around. Maybe that's some hot girl. He then saw the caller ID on the phone. Even better, he thought. It's Dannyboy!

So, he picked up the phone and I asked where he was. After the confirmation that he was home, I told him to go look out his window. He did, and sure enough, there I was standing on his sidewalk out front.

"Aw, Dannyboy! Come on inside, you creep!"

This may serve as proof that we were fated to meet up that night. Not only did I find his house with no clue of where I was going, but if I'd gotten there any sooner, or if he hadn't made the sudden decision to go home, I would have missed him. In a way, the forces of the universe that brought us together in the first place in Sheahan Hall may have served to reunite us that night.

So, we spent a couple minutes getting caught up, and I retrieved my flash drive. With my mission accomplished, I was all set to leave, but Schunk talked me into sticking around a little longer.

1:00am

We decided to go to Campus Deli for a midnight snack. While we were there, we ran into Kyle. I was pretty glad I had the chance to see him again, if only because he's the only person at Marist who really approves of my facial hair. He mentioned something about Arias and some other guys hanging out in Upper West (my home-away-from-home last year), but Schunk wasn't interested, so we just went back to his place and finished eating.

1:30am

After saying goodbye to Schunk, I got in my car and got back on the road for home. The drive was pretty uneventful, although the inclusion of Bullets and Octane did result in my keeping the cruise control somewhere around 85mph for most of the trip.

3:10am

I arrived home, entered the house without waking the dogs (a miracle in itself), and went to bed.

So, that's about everything that happened. Through the good and bad, I have to say it was a great day. I had my own little adventure out on the open road, I found out that Schunk basically can't live without me, and I destroyed Jordan's love of sex. Looking back on it, that fantastic gift, which I had envisioned as the best birthday gift ever, didn't quite turn out as I planned. But to tell you the truth, if I could go back and do it all over again, I wouldn't change a thing.

That song by Poison is stuck in my head

Did I mention how much I hate my job? Well, I might as well put it out there again. I realize that many people don't like there job, but as for me, when I find myself going in to work at a place where

• A) I'm surrounded by people I don't know, and often don't like


• B) I'm forced to engage in mindless repetitive tasks for hours at a time


• C) I'm forced to remain standing in one place until
  
  1. I get a break
  2. My spine gives out from the strain and I collapse, or
  3. I jump over the counter and kill someone for trying to use a coupon for a product they didn't even buy
  (whichever occurs first)

So, while many people may claim to "hate" their jobs, I do it with a commitment and flair that most bitter cynics could only hope to match. I am easily the best disgruntled employee the service industry has seen in years. Hell, I'd even have been promoted to cashier by now, if it weren't for the fact that I was changing meds that week.

(Effexor XR, for anyone who cares. It's pretty cool right now, but the transition was a bitch. I was an emotional car wreck all week. On the bright side, I can now honestly say I know what it's like to be a girl getting her period. Aside from the bleeding part.)

The only reason I still work there is because I can't get a job anywhere else. Apparently, there's a memo going around about me (Only good things, I hope), and Neil Golub is the only guy who didn't get it. Either that, or they just didn't care, which is entirely possible. Hell, they've hired every other circus freak and mental defect who's walked through their front door. Why stop now?

Anyway, I'm still working on trying to land another job, I'm writing whenever I can find the time, and I've got a knot in my neck that's really irritating me, so I won't be able to finish that thought I was in the middle of. Sorry. Maybe next time.

Oh yeah, and before I forget, August 29th at SPAC: Cruefest. If anyone wants to go with me, say so. We will have tickets to this thing. Trust me. Where have I steered you wrong?