Dark Souls: Get Ripped & Die Trying
The charming fellow pictured above is the Taurus Demon. We'll get to him in a bit.
I haven't been playing as much as I'd like. I can usually only get in about a half-hour on my weeknight sessions, and I've slacked off on weekends when I'm supposed to be going at it harder. The hour and a half today was probably the longest session I've played. I have about 6½ hours logged total. Pretty sad, but I'll try to make up for it in the future.
I had a rocky start. My first two play sessions (starting the challenge mid-game, mind you), I died a total of 11 times. That comes out to a total of 55 pushups, 55 curls and 55 squats. Most of them were silly and careless. I let myself get outnumbered. I tried to take on guys who were clearly out of my league. I ran off a bridge. And I ran off a bridge again. I would've face-palmed if I was capable of lifting my arms.
The following week I fared better, but still had 2 careless deaths. On one, I let myself get surrounded. On the other, I actually panicked and ran away from a fight, going straight off a cliff I forgot was there. This is made worse by the fact that I returned this past week to find that what I'd turned tail and ran from was just a huge rat. I was startled by a giant rat. My shame is undying.
Between that nonsense and my cowardice spending a week and a half just backtracking to look for items, I decided I needed to ramp up the workout. So, the current sets I have to do upon every death are:
- 10 pushups
- 10 curls w/ 5-pound free weights
- 10 squats
Today, I finally had another serious play session with the above rules. My first death was against the Taurus Demon, pictured above. I had the good sense to seek out and destroy the archers pestering me from behind before summoning him, but then I let him get the drop on me when he scaled the tower, and he made short work of me thereafter. Still, I'd call it an honorable death, clashing with the first real boss of the game. (I'm not counting the Asylum Demon; he really is a wimp by comparison)
The second encounter went a lot better. I got in a nice falling stab from above, scrambled back up the ladder and we squared off atop the tower again. We traded blows for a bit and I held my own, then lured him back down from the tower to set him up for another falling stab. It was a bit less effective but still made a difference. The fight concluded on the bridge. He had me close to death after a couple of good blows, but I dodged his next attack and got in a few more slashes to finish him off. Victory is sweet.
The thrill of victory urged me on. I was feeling like a total bad-ass, counter-riposting hollow soldier after hollow soldier. I slipped past the dragon and made it as far as the entrance of the Undead Parish before unexpectedly meeting my old friend the Black Knight, whose silent countenance said it all:
"lol stfu noob"
That let the wind out of my sails. After that crushing defeat, I returned to recover my lost power, then noticed a formidable force of nasty creatures inside the Parish. I picked off a couple hollows but didn't get far past the door; the archers were all over me. I tried to fight back at a distance with my shortbow, but they had high ground and superior range. I decided to regroup and retreated back to the comforting glow of the bonfire to nurse my wounds and level up. That was the end of the session.
So, just two deaths. That came out to 20 each of pushups, curls, and squats today. For me, that's decent exercise, albeit stretched out over an hour and a half. Ignoring the actual workout, the Taurus Demon definitely had my heart pumping. Then again, my heart rate goes up just from going for walks on break at work. Granted, there are a lot of stairs involved.
Game-wise, today's was the only session in which I made genuine progress (not counting collecting random items and buying the repair kit and bottomless box from the merchant). I learned how to use my bow and throwing knives properly. I got better at the art of the counter-riposte. Toppling a serious boss put a nice exclamation point on the whole affair, even if it ended with me running off with my tail between my legs. Better to live and die another day, right?
Alright, that's all for tonight. I'll try to keep these more brief in the future. I'm contemplating making humorous videos of my progress (or lack thereof) in the future, but I need to get some new cables and software for that. I'll let you know if/when I make a decision regarding that.
And to those of you who don't care about videogames, I'll try to find some more interesting stuff to write about here later.
Peace and love, readers.