Tuesday, November 25, 2008

Vloggalypse Now

So, I finally got my webcam going and recorded my first-ever video blog entry. I'd been putting it off thus far, but I finally have a few topics that warranted you actually being able to see me and the objects in my room. Plus, don't you want to hear my charming voice?

There may be more of these in the future, but not too soon.

The Internet is a Series of Cat Videos

Saturday, November 22, 2008

Another Night At The Movies

So, I decided to do another b-movie review night, just for fun. Again, these reviews are really just for fun. I try to be informative, but B-movies are an acquired taste, and what I like isn't always going to be what you like. So, if you're thinking about seeing any of these movies, remember to take these reviews with a grain of salt. It's not dogma; it's just my opinion.

Now, for anyone who's too lazy to read through the whole thing, I'm going to start using a numbered rating system to sum-up my reviews. So, if you want to cut to the chase, just skip down to the rating at the end. The 0-5 scale works as follows:

5 = Awesome! I'm buying the dvd, baby!
4 = Really good. I'd see it again.
3 = Not bad. Worth watching at least once.
2 = Pretty weak. Not worth watching unless you're stoned.
1 = Awful. Don't even consider watching it.
0 = Burn it! For the love of god, burn it!

So, let's get to it then.

100 Million B.C.
The first movie I was going to watch was 100 Million B.C., but I have no review for it. The reason: I didn't watch the whole thing. I physically couldn't. The awful effects, bad writing and acting were survivable for a while, but once the T-rex super-jumped into the air and destroyed the helicopter in a fiery explosion, I just couldn't take it anymore.

Preemptive 0/5

Lost City Raiders:

Now, I know from experience that coming up with a good name for a new project can be difficult, so I really should be forgiving here, but... come on. Lost City Raiders? Gee, I wonder what it's about. Get it together, guys. You're not Snakes on a Plane (thank God for that). You can really do better.

Anyway, this movie is based on the premise that global warming continues unfettered and spirals out of control, until the world as we know it is all but gone. In 2048, some undersea explorers are on a mission to salvage what's left of their civilization from under the depths, hoping they can find a way to stop the rising ocean and save what's left of humanity. At the very least, I can say this is a movie that came out at the right time.


Only ten minutes in, I'm starting to really like this concept. It's like Waterworld meets Indiana Jones, but without the rugged hero. (I kid, Ian Somerhalder. I kid)

I thought most of the movie was fairly well written. Not Emmy material or anything, but par for the course. What impressed me was that it incorporated an interesting combination of geologic science with Catholic dogma. I get the feeling it was less than historically accurate, but it at least made for a good story, which I think is the more important goal.

The only part that really had me scratching my head was the ending. Aside from having a couple serious logical flaws, it was just way too corny, even by B-movie standards.


Not fantastic, but no glaring issues I could see, either. The overall performance of the cast was, in a word, good enough.

...Well, okay, in two words.

Special Effects:

I think we all know that the people behind Sci-fi Originals aren't exactly swimming in cash, so it's unlikely this thing had a very good budget. That said, though, I thought they did a nice job with what they had. The set pieces were pretty nicely built, and the (sparsely used) cgi blended well with the live-action footage.

Editing/Production Value:

Well, the first thing that jumped out at me is that whoever edited this has a serious hard-on for slow motion shots. During the action sequences, slo-mo gets used and abused, usually at inappropriate places that add nothing to the scene. That and a few of the usual overdubbing issues kind of took me out of the experience at some points.

Final Thoughts:

Lost City Raiders is not a masterpiece. Were I in the shoes of the writer/director, there are a lot of things I would've done differently. But, that's not important. In my mind, the important thing is the answer to the following question:

Am I glad I watched it?

Short answer: Yes.
Long answer: The fairly unique premise for the story kept me interested throughout, and while I was somewhat disappointed by the ending, I definitely didn't see it coming. I wouldn't rush out to Blockbuster to see it again, but if you haven't seen it yet, and you happen to see that hopelessly awkward title in the TV Guide, I suggest you check it out. It's probably not good enough to warrant skipping the new episode of Eleventh Hour, but if there's nothing else on, it's definitely worth a watch.

Final Score: 3/5

Friday, November 21, 2008

RE: Reviews

Well, I finished the video I've been working on, but I think I should preface this with a little backstory.

I haven't talked about it yet, but I got No More Heroes recently. I absolutely love the game, despite its flaws. Its innovative and fun combat, mixed into a story full of colorful characters, make this a memorable gaming experience.

Now, I realize that's not exactly an in-depth game review, but I've decided once and for all that I am never going to attempt to write a real video game review for a game I've played. The logic behind this decision is pretty simple:

  1. To begin with, from Ctrl-Alt-Del to ZeroPunctuation, from IGN to IrateGamer, from Gametrailers to GameLife, everyone and their mother thinks they can and should review games. The fact of the matter is, anyone who really wants to research a title before buying it does not need my opinion to help their decision. There is already plenty of information out there to help people with their gaming purchases. Doing my own game reviews would just be a waste of everyone's time. I'll draw the line at Sci-fi B-movies, but as for any other reviews, I want no part.

  2. If I get into reviewing games, or even B-movies, on a regular basis, I'll start to trick myself into thinking anyone gives a fuck about my opinion. What's worse, this will quickly inflate my ego and turn me into yet another irate, overly-opinionated jackass. If my time on the Internet has proven anything to me, it's that we already have more than enough of those.

  3. Honestly, I have no objectivity when it comes to gaming. Gaming is in my blood; I've been addicted since the original NES days of my innocent youth. As such, I'm in love with all things gaming, and I'm often unable to see the inherent flaws in the things I love. Hell, this shouldn't be news to you. You know me: I never got an original playstation, but I loved my used Sega Saturn. I never wanted to try Devil May Cry, but I thought God Hand was a gift from above. I reject Final Fantasy, and I still think Baten Kaitos is the greatest RPG franchise of our time. So, clearly, I'm in no position to tell other people what's good and what's bad.

Anyway, with that said, I really enjoyed No More Heroes, and I liked it enough to make a new music video out of it. There might be some minor spoilers, but nothing that should ruin it for anyone who hasn't played it yet. You should be aware, though, that the game is M-rated, so if you have problems with seeing blood or partial nudity, I suggested you suck it up, you big pussy.

As usual, the music is from Bullets and Octane. Rock on, my brothers and sisters.

Wednesday, November 19, 2008

On Mental Illness

A topic I am overqualified to discuss. I'll just let you know, I've increased my medication recently. There haven't been any very obvious effects yet. I'll keep you posted.

Anyway, I was just thinking, why do people always think I'm crazy just because I talk to myself? That's just wrong. I mean, I am crazy, but that's besides the point. Talking to yourself doesn't make you crazy. It just means you like to hear what you're thinking out loud. Scientists do it all the time.

So, to clear up the confusion, here's a simple reminder. The next time you see someone talking alone, consult this list.
If they are...
  • talking to themselves,

  • --- They are not crazy. In fact, they're probably smarter than you.

  • talking to someone who isn't there,

  • --- They're crazy, but probably not dangerous.

  • talking to an animal,

  • --- See above.

  • talking to someone inside their own head, and that person is talking back,

  • --- Run. Fast.

Monday, November 17, 2008

I'm Not Dead

Just letting you know, you know? I haven't really posted since there isn't much going on right now. I'm trying to keep up with my schoolwork, so my life is pretty boring right now. Plus, I've been really bummed out since I missed that Halloween party. On the bright side, I do have another music video in the works. More on that whenever I finish it.

Also, I want this mp3: