Wednesday, March 25, 2009


is incredible.

Tonight's Episode: Refer A Friend, (or) Right in the nuts!

I don't normally go around plugging things here unless I really like them. I haven't been playing this game long, but I think this one has potential. Hey, you get to punch a tutorial npc in the nuts. How bad can it be?

Billy vs. SNAKEMAN is an amusing browser-based MMORPG game. It's a little quirky and has a lot of bizarre humor. If you love anime shows like Naruto, you'll probably like this game. If, like me, you hate Naruto with a fiery burning passion of hate, you'll still probably like it. The characters are basically cookie-cutter anime character parodies, some directly lampooning actual shows. The storyline, if you can call it that, is pretty much lampooning popular anime series, but I haven't gotten far enough to comment on that.

So, what's this all about? In BvS, you play an apprentice ninja at some fictional ninja academy, who also happens to be the main character in an anime series about you. You go on quests and complete missions to improve your ninja prowess, learn new jutsu (skills), gain allies to support you, join a village (clan), battle other players, and engage in all forms of ninja nonsense(trademarked term). The more awesome you are, the higher your level will get. Eventually, you'll be so awesome that the show about you will be signed for a second season, at which point even more new content becomes available in-game.

This would be my referral link, so if you feel like helping me out and getting some free stamina points for yourself at the same time, go for it:

Be the Ultimate Ninja! Play Billy Vs. SNAKEMAN today!

Or just type my guy "Lokey" in when you sign up. That is, if you sign up. That's all up to you. Maybe you won't, 'cause you're a boring prick. Whatever. You don't have to. No big deal. It's not like the game is owned by real ninjas who will find you and kill you if you don't play. Right?


Saturday, March 21, 2009

March 21st - SciFi Movie Night

Time for another sci-fi double feature, along with my review. My word isn't law, but I like to think I have developed a refined taste in movies, and I'm very specific about what I like or dislike about them. So, here are my reviews of the two movies for tonight.

Again, if you'd rather not read my full review, just go by the numbers at the end of each review. Here's the full scale and what each rating means.

5 = Awesome! I'm buying the dvd, baby!
4 = Really good. I'd see it again.
3 = Not bad. Worth watching at least once.
2 = Pretty weak. Not worth watching unless you're stoned.
1 = Awful. Don't even bother.
0 = Burn it! For the love of god, burn it!

Okay. Review time.


My initial reactions to this one were pretty good. Let's see how the whole thing stacks up.


Starting out, some guy and his girl get roped into a hostage situation with a wanted man and his junkie partner. But things go from bad to worse when they find themselves in a whole new kind of zombie attack.

The creatures in this movie are apparently the product of some kind of parasitic mold. It infects and feeds on living or recently dead tissue, and then reanimates it to get around and find more to feed on. The result is pretty damn scary.

Once they find themselves trapped in a gas station convenience store, the rest of the film pits the three surviving characters against the con's dead girlfriend, who thanks to the mold has been turned into a gruesome killing machine out for blood. Forced to work closely together, the hostages and the con form an unlikely friendship in order to stay alive.

I'll admit I was a little put-off by the con and his girl's characters early on, but the rest of the story kept me hooked. It's a familiar scenario, but manages to be very original in its execution. I genuinely like our main characters, even more so as the movie progresses and we get to know them better. Thus, I care about whether they're able to survive their situation. This makes for an engrossing horror experience.


The majority of the film revolves around three main characters, with others only making brief appearances. So, with most of the focus on them, the mains needed to really shine here. This is no Oscar-winner, but I think they pulled it off.

You'll recognize Paulo Costanzo from various comedy films, many of which actually made it to theaters. He's good at his craft, and I really like him in this role. Co-star Jill Wagner is likable and works well with Costanzo. Shea Whigham gives a somewhat underwhelming performance (though to be fair, he has kind of a lousy character to portray), but he doesn't drag the rest of the group down. Whatever off moments any of them had were few and forgettable, so my hat is off to them for a job well done.


The mold creatures are like something out of Silent Hill. Creepy as hell, nightmarish, and refreshingly unique. Even the characters can't help but take a moment to admire the sheer freakishness of their assailants.

The use of blood and gore felt a bit excessive at times, but they made sense in context. The creature survives on blood after all, so of course it would kill you in such a way as to spill as much as possible. Still, some of the gorier scenes felt off to me. They were tastefully done, but not altogether realistic looking. The movie's limited budget is probably to blame here. However, despite a few disappointing dismemberments, the overall bloody atmosphere works very well.

Editing/Production Value:

This movie makes use of some weird camera techniques. Everyone seems to have their own approach to action sequences. In this case, when things pick up, the camera starts shaking like it's having a seizure. I think the general intent here is to portray the sense of panic to the audience. It's actually fairly effective at doing this, but by the end can be more than a little distracting.

The music is standard horror movie fare. It's generally pretty forgettable, but it follows the emotional pacing of the movie well enough. Not perfectly, maybe, but well enough to keep you engaged.

Final Thoughts:

I really did enjoy this one. It's not perfect of course, but the overall experience is intact despite its flaws. It's compelling enough to keep you interested throughout, and while the ending won't blow you away, it's still better than average.

If you have a weak stomach for dismemberment, blood and the like, you might want to avoid this one. Though if you do, why would you even be reading this review? Anyway, if you like survival horror, and you're interested in a unique take on the zombie movie experience, I highly recommend this one.

Final Score: 4/5

Of course, for every good movie...


I Am Omega

Oh God, what the fuck were they thinking? Okay, let's just get this movie review over with quickly so I can take some minipress and lie down before I smash my head through a wall for ever watching it.


This premise is a complete and obvious rip off of I Am Legend. Lone survivor of a crazy necrotizing virus learns he's not alone, and there is a cure to be found. So, he must fight to save humanity's last hope while struggling to cope with his grief over the loss of his wife and son long ago. Does any of this sound familiar? For the life of me, I can't tell if this was supposed to be some kind of remake, or just a blatant dime-store knock-off of a popular book and movie. Even the title is a near-perfect copy.

But hey, at least I Am Legend had some unique and terrifying zombies. Sure, they weren't really zombies per-se, but they worked for the story. Fast, vicious, and single-minded. They made the perfect antagonists for Dr. Robert Neville. So, if this is a rip-off of I Am Legend, it'll probably at least have some interesting zombies, right?

Wrong. The zombies, although reasonably creepy-looking, are absolute crap. They don't act like zombies. They don't move like zombies. And they don't even die like zombies. The first scene in the movie, a zombie knocks out a woman with a smack in the face, then runs to hide while it gets ready to attack the kid. What the fuck is that? Undead or not, these zombies are functionally retarded. If Romero saw these things in action, he'd grab a shotgun and blow his own brains out.

Then we get to see how freaking easy these things are to kill. They're pathetic. You can stab them, shoot them in the stomach, or apparently even punch and kick them to death without much fear. Fuck, you could strangle them with a cordless phone. The main character actually takes out three or four of them by himself in the first ten minutes.

And yet, later in the movie when confronted by a single zombie, he has to run frantically to his car to get his shotgun. As if he has anything to fear from these things. As if the one-man-army fight scene and the five-minute sequence of practicing kung-fu and jujitsu in his back yard never happened. To steal a joke from the Larry the Cable Guy roast, this fucking plot has more holes in it that Gary Busey's brain.

And then, of course, the stereotypical fat bald black guy zombie shows up. It always does, doesn't it? Not only does this thing just stand there staring stupidly at the main character for several seconds before even considering attacking, as soon as it finally does, he easily kills it with a few stabs and slashes across the stomach with a machete. Really? A couple stabs in the ribs, and the fat fuck goes down? I'm not sure that would kill me right away, let alone a fucking 300-pound zombie.


Alright, so enough about the crap fau-zombies. What about the main character? Well, taken alone, he's no Will Smith, but I can almost like the guy. What hurts the character is the casting choice. Actor Mark Dacascos has a weird and frankly obnoxious interpretation of this guy. He's trying way way too hard to look like a bad-ass at any given moment. And I understand he's supposed to be in denial that anyone else survived, but when he sees the video feed from the woman trying to contact him, he freaks out like an arachnophobe getting a live video chat request from a 30-foot spider. Completely unbelievable. And the very next time it happens, he's suddenly able to accept talking to her, only to say "no, I don't believe this" after talking with her for two minutes. That's a hell of a flip-flop there.

Special Effects:

As I said, the zombie make-up is pretty good. It's not great, it's pretty good. Mediocre is the word typically used for this. And unfortunately, the zombie make-up is the high point in the special effects department. The fire effects were downright sad. What did they do the digital effects with, Windows Movie Maker?

Editing/Production Value:

I don't think I can properly assess this, as it would give the false impression that this film has any form of 'value' at all. But in general, the editing and presentation is passable at best. The camerawork is decent, but nothing to write home about. The music is generic and uninteresting, and usually fails to capture the mood.

Final Thoughts:

So, to recap, we have bad actors, bad writing, bad directing, mediocre effects, lame presentation, and to top it all off, the whole story itself is just a rip-off of a better film. Granted, Plan 9 from Outer Space could be called a better film than this, but I digress.

I am sorry to say I watched the whole thing, but I was ready to pass my final judgment only 40 minutes in. And every minute afterward, it just got worse and worse.

Overall: This movie is total crap. Don't watch it on tv. Don't rent it when the dvd comes out. Don't even remind me after today that this piece of shit was ever made. I may be a masochist, but even I'm not insane enough to watch this shit twice.

Final Score: 0/5

Thursday, March 19, 2009

FVZA Will Kick Twilight's Pansy Ass

Outside of videogames and webcomics, I haven't experienced much decent zombie fiction in the last few years. And vampires... well, we know what's been happening to that once-proud horror niche. But finally, it looks like we'll be going back to the roots of what made us all fall in love with zombies and vampires in the first place.

I don't know about you, but I've visited on and off for a couple years. It was a fun resource when I was first getting into this stuff (before I purchased my own copy of the Zombie Survival Guide), but as the site saw a decrease in updates and I got caught up in other things, I had kind of forgotten about it.

Now, I hear the fantastic news that the FVZA concept is being made into a comic, and from what writer David Hine is saying about the project, I can barely stop salivating at the prospect.

David Hine interview with Newsarama, along with new artwork samples from the series:

True fans of horror like me are sickened by what Twilight has done to vampires' reputations, and thank God somebody in the biz is looking to set things right. Regarding the romanticizing of vampires, Hines said:

"Vampires usually exert a fascination and are often romanticized but I wanted to take the romance out of their existence. These are not sexy, seductive vampires in the manner of Twilight. Our vampires are truly monstrous and unattractive. Their hair falls out, their bodies become twisted and cadaverous and they have no interest in sex. We’re going to be following a young couple, who are into the goth fantasy of vampirism. One of the tragic elements of the story is to see how the constant joyless pursuit of blood gradually destroys their love for one another."

I'm officially psyched. The first comic book in the series is slated for release in October. I guess until then I'll have to keep getting my zombie fix from the usual suspects.

Monday, March 16, 2009

Secret Life of the American Teenager

I was flipping through channels and landed on this show on ABC Family. Next Monday is the season finale.

I hereby issue a challenge to all of my readers. The rules are simple: Next Monday night at 10pm EST, watch the show in its entirety, from start to finish. If you can watch the entire thing without breaking into a fit of unstoppable hysterical laughter at how insanely bad and corny it is, you win.

Sunday, March 15, 2009

Shut up you fucking whiners

If I get invited to one more "PETITION AGAINST NEW FACEBOOK LAYOUT" group, I'm going to buy a shotgun and a plane ticket, and go on a hunting trip in the person's hometown.

Why the hell is everyone so freaked out? Everything is still there, it's just reorganized. I understand it might seem like a pain to have to remember where everything is all over again, but it's nothing to throw a childish hissy-fit over. Instead of bitching and moaning, why not go to the developers and suggest some kind of custom homepage layout function? If you're so damn smart, solve the problem they can't. Otherwise, sit down and shut up.

If anyone thinks they can come up with a compelling argument as to why this layout switch is such a bad thing, go right ahead and try. I welcome constructive criticism. If all you can do is get upset because you can't focus long enough to pay attention to where stuff if on your screen, and your apparent solution is to make a Facebook group with a little red skull and crossbones logo or one of those red circles with the line through it and then spam everyone you have ever met with invites, you need to get off the Internet and do something useful with your life, you fucking waste of organic matter.

Saturday, March 14, 2009

Chop Til You Get Tired Of It

I'm only a few hours into the game, but I'm about ready to start laying into this thing. Chop Til You Drop is fun, for sure, but it's far from perfect.

The story is okay so far, but the acting is less than convincing. And not in the campy horror movie way that's funny. But the low-card summer teen movie way that's distracting, disappointing and makes you kind of hate the production crew. And the writing is just so mediocre. Dialogue feels forced and unnatural. Had it been made into a movie, this thing would've been right at home on SciFi Saturdays.

Plus, why the hell does that fat guy run so damn fast? Frank is hobbling his battle-scarred ass around the mall, but when chunky gets a hankering for steak, he takes off and blows straight past a horde of zombies like he's Jesse Owens.

Wow, I am way too young for that reference. Sorry.

The graphics have obviously taken a step down from Xbox-land. The zombies still look pretty convincing, and you can pretty nicely chop, shred and dismember them with whatever you've got on hand. The animations seem to have suffered, though. I understand it's called Chop Til You Drop, but I didn't think that was referring to how the zombies' movements look when you run them down with a picnic umbrella.

The variety of subweapons is nice, but some of them are just plain unnecessary. The skateboard is easily the most useless item in the game. As long as you're holding it, you can't use subweapon attacks of any kind, and unless you can get a decent running start, don't expect to hop on and skate your way through a dangerous situation. And maybe I'm retarded but I couldn't figure out how to drop the damn thing besides picking up something else.

I really like the firearm/subweapon system, though. It's nice and easy to switch between melee and ranged weaponry, and the wii-mote makes aiming a gun second nature. Now, I know it's not the best gun or anything, but I just love the shotgun. You can't go wrong, man.

The wii remote also takes over with subweapon attacks, and I think this is where the wii controls shine the brightest. With some items like shopping carts, it's useless, but others it really takes over. Any boxes, benches, etc. can be thrown by swinging the remote overhand, which feels very natural. Plus, some items will give you different attacks you can use by swinging the remote. The sledgehammer is one of my favorites. Knocking a zombie flat, then swinging the remote overhead and whaling on it with a sledge is easily one of the most satisfying moments in the game.

So, overall, it's not completely blowing me away yet, and the overall presentation has definitely suffered from the move to lighter weight hardware, but it still makes for a fun gameplay experience. There are flaws, sure, but I kind sort of overlook them, if only for the simple reason that I love smashing things with a sledgehammer.

If you already own an Xbox, there's no real reason to get this. The essentials are already there in the original. The wii-mote controls are a lot of fun, but not worth shelling out the extra $50. If however you're like me, a sad little worm who doesn't own an Xbox360, never played the original Dead Rising, the Nintendo Wii is the only current gen system you own, and you seriously need to find some reason not to take a razor blade to your own wrists, consider checking out Dead Rising: Chop Til You Drop. It's definitely worth a rental, if not an outright purchase.


Sorry for the lack of posts. It's my vacation, you know? Pretty uneventful. Sleep, eat, lounge and watch tv, rinse, repeat. A few things happened, though. Here are the good bits:

I did get out to that George Thorogood concert after all. It was a lot of fun. I think my dad had a good time, too. We both noticed he was younger than anyone in the band. What's funny is, George is old as dirt, but he still thinks he's hot stuff. He's entertaining, though, I'll say that.

Also, I finally got to see Pineapple Express. It was about what I expected, but I enjoyed it. I'm not sure how that one guy didn't die though. Didn't he get shot like seven times?

And, I picked up my copy of Dead Rising: Chop Til You Drop. To be honest, I'm kind of underwhelmed so far. I mean, I'm only a couple hours into it, but I was kind of hoping for more, considering all the hype the original got. My mini-review will get its own post in a minute.

Lastly, I might have found a place for the SUNYIT Paranormal Investigators to visit this spring. Fingers crossed, eh?

That'll do it for now. Peace and Love.

Monday, March 09, 2009


Just... why?

Thursday, March 05, 2009

For the record:

If I mysteriously disappear in the coming weeks or months, it will most likely be because I have finally snapped and killed my Software Engineering teacher Michael DeMare and have begun fleeing the police. I'll explain further after I've calmed down a bit, but suffice to say he's easily in the top 5 people I most need to kill to make the world a better place. Seriously, if he doesn't hand in his teaching license at the end of this semester, I will murder him with my bare hands.

In other news, I've got a little ear infection. It doesn't really hurt anymore, though, so it's not really bothering me aside from the antibiotics I have to take. And hell, I'll be done with those less than a week anyway.

Also, looking forward to spring break, even if it is just going to be me hanging out at home. That still beats being here with Professor of the Year up there at the front of the room. Alright, I gotta go buy some leather gloves and a large tarp now. I'll see you when I see you, loyal readers. Peace and love.

Archbishop Desmond Tutu appears on the Late Late Show with Craig Ferguson


I just watched it. It was a surreal experience, man. Look for the youtube clips in the next couple of days; it's worth it.

Tuesday, March 03, 2009

Other things and stuff

Is anyone out there still not watching Important Things with Demetri Martin? If so, you're a horrible person. Go watch the damn show already.

And speaking of random segues, some of you may know I recently made a quiz thingy on Facebook related to this Baroque game I've been playing. I made a few minor changes, so it should be running more smoothly now. I started promoting it (I do have an ad on the page, so it's in my best interest for this thing to circulate a bit), and I'd appreciate any help. If you like quizzes and/or hardcore dungeon crawlers where a living tank with a flaming cannon on its face will pwn you into last week, try the quiz, and invite your friends. The link should be there a couple posts down.


Oh, and spring break is coming up. I have nothing to do, although I'm still praying for those George Thorogood tickets to go on sale. If anyone can hook me up, I'll love you forever. Peace and love, readers.