Tuesday, November 23, 2010

I'm good enough, I'm smart enough, and dog-gonnit, people like me

Okay, so I guess I can stop feeling sorry for myself. I've pretty well gotten back on track academically, aside from a pending makeup test and some programming assignments I have to finish up. I seem to be on schedule to graduate in May, provided I pass my classes this semester. If I don't, I might just choose to take a break in the spring, but right now things are looking pretty good.

My only real problem at this point is my apparent inability to get that webcomic off the ground. I downloaded the software, I have scripts planned out, but I never seem to get around to drawing anything. Maybe if I'm lucky I'll make it happen this week, but I get the feeling I won't be ready to launch the website by the end of the year. So, that has me a little bummed.

Anyway, that's about it for now. I'll check in with more info whenever. Peace and love, you crazy kids.

Friday, November 12, 2010

Re: Personal problems

I really don't like to write things here about my personal life if I can help it. The obvious exceptions are anecdotes that I think might be funny or at least enjoyable by someone. Of course, most of my life isn't that interesting, and so I have relatively little to write here. However, I feel tonight should break with tradition, if only to let people know what's going on.

To put it simply, I've been having a rough sort of depression relapse. I'm having a very hard time finding the will to even get out of bed in the morning. I think it's hard to describe to someone who hasn't experienced it, but suffice to say it's pretty amazing I haven't killed myself yet. I'm sure I have something to live for, but I'll be damned if I can think of what it is.

So, it's starting to look like I might be taking a break from school. I don't know yet what's going to happen, but it's fairly certain that I'm not graduating in May at this rate. So, I guess I don't know what's next for me. I'm getting some blood work done tomorrow, going to see a new doctor, maybe get some counseling. Other than that, it's a mystery.

Really, I hate this. I know how this must look to most people, and I feel totally pathetic, but this mess has gotten out of control. I'm not just depressed; there is something clinically wrong with me. Nobody should feel this way all the time for no reason.

Anyway, I'm hoping I'll find a way to turn this into something good. If I end up taking some time off, I'll try to make the most of it, either writing or drawing. I don't know, I just don't want to waste my damn life forever. In the meantime, though, I guess I'm sitting in front of the computer like an ass playing Castle Age and growing a beard. Could be worse, I guess. I could be playing World of Warcraft.

Thursday, November 04, 2010

Re: the RP stigma

This hopefully won't come as a shock to anyone, but I'm a total dork. As such, I feel right at home in online fantasy worlds like IMVU, and feel a certain kinship with roleplayers, or RPers if you're just too busy to write the damn word out.

Okay, so there's this poll going around about whether roleplayers deserve to have a subforum of their own on the IMVU forums. This would give them a place to discuss all things RP-related without being bothered by anyone, and without their discussions bothering anyone else.

Click to View the Poll

Regardless of what you think of roleplaying, this isn't rocket science. There are people on the forums who don't want roleplayers discussing their storylines, characters etc. in the Misc section or other parts of the forum where it's not really relevant, and the roleplayers want to have a central place where they can discuss their RP stuff without getting hassled (creating individual groups for this purpose hasn't been cutting it). Adding a subforum for roleplay-related discussion would make everyone happy.

Now, I could leave it at that, but I'll go one further and explain why the harassment these folks are getting is undeserved. If you don't care, feel free to stop reading now. Just go vote on that poll if you have an account, as it would be helping a good cause.

Here's the thing: a lot of people have this twisted perception of what "roleplaying" is. When some people hear the word roleplay, they immediately think of sex. Others may think of LARPers and DnD nerds dressing up as elves and doing creepy things in their parents' basement. The fact is, while those kinds of people might fall under the umbrella of "roleplaying", the term has a much broader definition.

Roleplaying is basically any time where you make up a fictional character (or characters) in a fictional setting and act out that character, typically in writing when we're referring to roleplay on the Internet. It's kind of like writing a fiction novel, but in multiplayer form. And there are all kinds of roleplay. Some people like to act out sexual fantasies with made up characters, while others just enjoy the writing exercise and the communities of people they meet.

The bottom line is, we all enjoyed playing make-believe as kids. Some of us are just under the ridiculous impression that it stops when we grow up. It doesn't. Actors and writers get payed to do it every day. And we do it whenever we watch, read, etc. What are movies, books and tv if not playing make-believe?

The truth is, a lot of people like to use their imagination, to imagine themselves in another person's shoes, in another time and place. This is what roleplaying is. Whether it's elves and orcs, angels and demons, or just plain old humans doing more interesting things than what you're doing right now. RPers are not freaks or sexual deviants or anything (most of them aren't, anyway >_>). For the most part they're just ordinary people who have a taste for the extraordinary.

So, yeah, to sum up, roleplayers are not all freaks. If you think so and treat them as such, you're a dickhead. Let them have their own forum section and quit being so god damn intolerant. "There are two kinds of people in this world I cannot tolerate: people who are intolerant of other people's cultures, and the Dutch."

Wednesday, November 03, 2010

Another Lazy Update

What can I say? I have a lot of respect for Zach Weiner. He really has some powerful insights once in a while. Go read his comic if you're not already.

Tuesday, November 02, 2010

Re: Nov. 2nd

Did I vote today? No. Did I so much as find the motivation to leave my room today? Only to go to the bathroom once. You know, I hate to sound pathetic, but that's kind of how I'm feeling lately. I don't know if it's a problem with my meds or what, but it's getting harder to just get out of bed in the morning, or at all.

Of course, it doesn't help much that the political landscape is about as barren and depressing as it was this time 2 years ago. At least then we had Obama to be excited about. What is there now? I can't turn the tv on without seeing more ridiculous campaign ads trying to warp my perceptions of people. I'd be thrilled out of my mind if a candidate would just come forward and say what all their policies are, and the closest thing we've had to that was Basil Marceaux.

It's funny, really. In a sick sort of way. This basically describes our choices doesn't it? Go to the polling place and decide, do you want the country run by self-serving assholes or incompetent morons? Anyone with half a brain and a sense of morality became a doctor or fireman or something. They all stayed the hell out of politics.

Well, as much as I hate the prospect, I think I might just have to run for public office after all. Not now, obviously, but in my thirties when people might take me seriously. I don't want to be in charge of anything, and my time running a club on campus has proven I'm not entirely competent, but I have yet to see someone else come forward who I would entrust with our country's future.

Anyway, that's enough of my rambling tonight. Let me just close by saying this: do as I say and not as I do. Go vote if you haven't already. Of course if you're reading this it's probably too late anyway, but I felt I had to say it. Half the reason we have such awful people in charge is that the average person just doesn't care. The fact is, we have to care if we want things to ever get any better. So vote when you can, and pay attention to the political landscape. Do some research of your own on candidates you might like. If everyone can just start caring a little more, maybe we'll live up to the expectations of the greatest country in the world again.

As for me, I'm having a hard enough time caring whether I live or die, so don't look to me for advice on politics. Peace and love, all. Have a nice day, and uh, have a nice day.