Saturday, September 07, 2013

Dark Souls Update 2.5

Today we learn my greatest enemy is still gravity.

Dark Souls: Get Ripped & Die Trying 
Update #2.5

This'll be relatively short, as it's just today's play session.

Heading back into the Undead Church, I found that my strategy to funnel the crowd of zombies through a narrow hall only works when the hall is actually narrow. I tried to cut them down at a distance with my bow, but I was trying to precisely aim, which makes moving practically impossible. As the enemy closed in, I got myself stuck against a wall and couldn't ready my shield quickly enough. I was cut to ribbons in seconds.
On the next attempt, I tried instead to lead them all back to the entrance again, which sadly ended the same way.
On my third trip, I finally got a workable strategy together. I used the bow again, but this time I didn't aim, instead relying on auto-targeting. I had to get a bit closer for this to work, but it allowed me to keep moving and fire off shots more quickly. This approach worked even better than expect. I managed to take down most of the zombies from the doorway before they even noticed me, and the last few were spread far enough that I could finish them up close and personal.

So yeah, it turns out silently sniping your foes before they see you works a lot better than giving your position away and pulling a Benny Hill when the inevitable stampede begins. I'm learning so much.

Following that, I was introduced to the next boss, the Bell Gargoyle, pictured above. The battle looked like it wouldn't be too rough, as my sunny summoned friend was doing a great job of distracting the beast. Once it turned its sights on me, I expertly rolled and evaded its attacks, which worked fairly well until I accidentally ran out of roof to roll on. Gravity, you cruel bitch.
I returned once more. This time I accidentally triggered a zombie rampage. I retreated down the stairs again, but turned back to carry on my strategy from last time, picking off the zombies one at a time as I backpedaled. When they started getting too close, I took off running a ways, then resumed again. The group fell one by one, and when there were just a few stragglers left, I approached with my blade to mop up.

Having now been hollowed, I had to face the Bell Gargoyle alone. I didn't expect it to go well, but if nothing else I could learn its moves a little better. It was very fast, and any time I started to deal some damage, it retreated into the air to regroup. Damn, I hate a smart boss. When it finally landed and took another swing at me, I evaded but misjudged the timing and got the worst of it. I tried to get away to heal, but failed to avoid the follow-up attack. And thus, I fell once more. That is to say, I was defeated honorably in pitched one-on-one combat. I didn't literally fall off the roof like a dumb-ass again.

Deaths this session: 4
  • 40 pushups
  • 40 squats
  • 40 curls
Total playtime: 12:31

I should note, that playtime is a bit inflated as I left the game running while I ran to the bathroom a few times, and at least once while I went to eat dinner. In hindsight, I really could have just quit, even if I didn't want to shut the console off. I guess that was out of habit, as I'm not used to games constantly auto-saving. I still refuse to quit a play session unless I'm sitting at a bonfire when I do so.

Alright, that's probably it for a while. I actually have something else to write about for once, so that'll be up soon.

Peace and love, readers. Praise the sun.


  1. Anonymous6:19 AM

    Are you retarded? Can't read with this cancerous background, good pick.

    1. The background of the post body is off-white. If you're seeing text on the site background instead, your browser is the one that's retarded. Have an awful day.