Re: Marble Hornets

I don't know if anyone else has been following this series, but I think the fan responses are possibly the best part of the whole affair.

Re: Breast Cancer Awareness

Hey, I love boobs. So, you can understand why I'd be concerned with breast cancer awareness. Well, one of the most breast-friendly sites on the web is having a sort of click drive:

The Breast Cancer Site

If they manage to reach their goal of 5 million clicks, then that's $10,000 more for mammograms. It's a good cause and doesn't cost a thing to participate in, so I'm recommending all my readers (yes, both of you) go to the above site and click on the button. In fact, I would recommend you bookmark the site so you can go back and contribute a click every day.

There are only 17 days left, so get clicking.

Important Update

...I got nothing.

Re: the RNG in BvS

The RNG is a fickle mistress, but some days she can be oh so sweet.

Re: I'm not dead yet

Just letting you know. I've been pretty sick lately, and on top of that I've been busy with club stuff and school. The weather officially sucks again, so I guess I'll continue being inactive even after I'm over whatever stomach bug I've got.

Anyway, if anybody from Marist is reading this, I miss you guys. We really have to figure out a time to meet and hang out sometime. Maybe in the spring before the new semester starts. I don't have the energy to think about driving anywhere now, but we'll see what happens.

Re: SMBC Theater

Seriously, what the fuck?

A good tweet? Maybe not.

I was going to post here just as an update, then realized I really have nothing to talk about, so I thought maybe I'd just update my twitter instead, but now this is already getting to be too many characters so I'm just going to post here.

Hey! I'm still here. Who would've thought, right? But it's true. And I've got a mid-semester break coming up, so I'm in good spirits. I need the extra sleep pretty badly right now. In fact, I need any sleep pretty badly right now.

From the Heart

I know it's usually not my style to get too personal here. I mean yeah, I'll complain about problems in my everyday life, but I usually try to do it for an audience. I try to turn my daily drudgery into something mildly amusing for the random readers of the Internet. But tonight I'm in a not-so-rare mood, and I feel I have to get this off my chest. Who knows, maybe I'll feel better afterward. I'm sorry if this isn't my best work, but with any luck someone will understand what I'm talking about.

My biggest problem seems to be life itself. Life ends. I mean, if I were immortal, I probably wouldn't care about wasting my life in this crappy little state school trying to get a stupid degree in a field I barely care about anymore. See, if I had all the time in the world, it wouldn't matter if I took life at a snail's pace. But that's just not the case.

I'm scared to death that I'll die before I ever accomplish anything I set out to do. I have big dreams, you know. I want to write and direct and be a comic, and you know all that, but before even that stuff takes off, I want to undertake a seemingly simple task: start my own webcomic. It didn't have to be anything earth-shatteringly great, and it didn't even have to have a regular update schedule, or even people to read it for that matter. I just wanted to take this screwy story of mine and put it out there.

Here's the thing: I can't draw for shit. I'm not awful, I guess, but any time I try to draw my characters, they come out all wrong. I can draw inanimate objects without trouble, but as soon as I try to draw people I fail miserably. This is a big pain for me, because I had my heart set on drawing this thing myself. I mean, I guess it would be possible to find someone else to draw for me, but I'm afraid the comic will lose a certain personal feel for me. Besides, I know I can't possibly afford to pay anyone well enough to warrant them putting up with my project, especially when there's no guarantee the thing will ever take off.

There's more to it than that, though. Even if the webcomic thing didn't take off, I could probably just write the series like I had been thinking about originally doing. For some reason, though, I've been stricken with this sick compulsion lately to just avoid writing like the plague. Be it writing for this project, for my first novel, for finishing that stupid short story I haven't touched in months, or any of the other things I'd love to finish, I seem to have this deep-seated fear of the whole thing. Somehow, the one thing in the world I'm any good at is the one thing I'm least able to do from day to day.

So, you might wonder to yourself, since Dan hasn't been updating his blog much, what has he been doing with his life? The answer is a whole lot of nothing. And it's making me sick to my stomach. I swear, I'm just completely disgusted with myself. All I do is wake up in the morning, eat breakfast, go to classes (which I'm not even always doing anymore), dick around on the Internet for a while, maybe watch a little tv once in a while, take a nap, go to dinner, come back and spend a while in the bathroom cursing God and whoever does the cooking in the dining hall, then go to bed and toss and turn, wondering what the hell I did all day. That's it.

Okay, so lately I did become the accidental leader of a club on campus, and a tentative member of another club, but these are just minor distractions, and I find I usually can't summon the will to fulfill my duties for the presidency. It's sad to think that I can't handle what is seemingly just the events of everyday life. Other people seem to handle themselves alright. Why can't I do the same? Why can't I go through life without having to grapple with a constant draining sickness in the pit of my heart, like what I'm doing will never matter to anyone ever?

Great, so it finally happened: I've become the pathetic, melodramatic emo-cuss I never wanted to be. Everything I want in life seems to be close at hand, so why can't I just reach out and take it? Why am I afraid of doing things, and talking to people, and just living my damn life?

I can still hear the rain beating on my window, and even if I couldn't, I'm sure that dismal feeling would still be here. I'm sick and tired of being sick and tired. I try like hell to wind myself up and do things, but it never lasts. Is this all just depression acting up? That's what all the television commercials would lead me to believe, but what can I do? I'm already on two medications, and taking energy supplements just to get through the day, but it's still not enough. I'm still wallowing in a pit of my own self-loathing, and I can't seem to dig myself out no matter how hard I try. For every fleeting moment I get out, I just fall right back in.

Well, here I am again, on the edge of a pit that appeared from nowhere to swallow me up, along with my energy, my dignity, my hopes and dreams, and any semblance of a life I ever had. Honestly, I know this all sounds horrible, but just the fact I've been able to type any of this out means I'm better off than I was all day. I'm still miserable, but I've gotten just far enough out of the pit to start crying for help. I don't want to worry anyone, but if you know or care anything about me, well, you've got reason to worry. Sorry, I wish it weren't the case, but this is as far as I've been able to come on my own, and it may be as far as I go.

Okay, this is starting to sound a little like a suicide note, so let me just assure you I'm not contemplating killing myself. I'll admit the thought has crossed my mind, but it seems to me that the only way things can get better is if I keep on living, so death just isn't an option right now.

I'll probably go back to bed after this, since I'm spending more and more time there lately. I'm just too tired to think anymore. I want to get out and do things, but I just don't have the physical or mental capability to be active. I don't know how I'll get out of this situation, but I'll think of something. I've decided I'm going to talk to a counselor, and I'll talk to my doctor about changing meds again, and with any luck I'll find a way out of this crappy metaphorical hole I've been sitting and stewing in.

I don't say this often, so pay attention: I can't do this on my own. If anyone, and I mean anyone, can offer any advice for me, a kind word, or even something as simple as an acknowledgment of my existence. I need to know this fight is worth something, because I can't win if I'm just fighting for myself. I need to know somebody's in my corner. If that somebody is you, just give me the good word, okay?

Peace and love, y'all. Look for me among the stars.

PI club, Club /b/, and more MadWorld

So, I have another blog now:

http://sunyitpi.blogspot.com/

Not a lot going on there yet, but we'll see if anything comes of it.

Also, I joined the on-campus club that was formerly just about getting free pizza, but is now about maintaining the campus imageboard, SUNYIT-chan. Tonight's meeting had all of 4 people including the president. Still, I sense good things about this one. I'll post a link to the board (in case anyone cares) sometime after we get the domain name decided on.



And I'm still playing MadWorld, even though I probably shouldn't. The game takes 5 hours max to beat, and my save file is on hour 12 or so. Of course that's not counting the time I waste thinking about how the hell to beat the challenges, which aren't required to beat the game but I started doing anyway because I'm obsessive like that. Of course, the last couple challenges are eluding my conquering nature, and it's getting maddening. I usually wouldn't worry so much about it, but for some reason I feel like I'm going to lose my mind if don't beat every single challenge. Maybe I'm still going through Mafia Wars withdrawals...

Alright, I guess that's all for now. Later, all.

Re: Luck

Found this in my BvS newsfeed today:

"You have lost the Easy Money Tournament Robo Fight. The Qualifying score was 315 (you had 311)."

Son of a...

Re: xkcd

This one went over my head. :/ I guess I could just google Locke and Demosthenes, but... meh.

Fresh Hardware

So, after a couple close calls, including a pointless vista update that almost killed it for good, I think I've finally got my new laptop up and running. Here's a picture I took with the built-in webcam:



I'll have to take a higher quality one later so everyone can see the dorky-cool stickers I put all over the back.

Speaking of pictures, I got to play around with the versus game in the webcam program. I'm not really sure how it works, but I won so I'm not complaining.



Suck it, Schunk!

A New Post

What? It's after midnight. You weren't expecting creativity out of me, were you?

I've got a new laptop, but I'm not typing on it right now. I didn't get to finish setting it up for SUNYIT's network, so I'll have to do all that tomorrow sometime before the Paranormal Club meeting. Which I'm the president of or some crazy shit like that.

And speaking of crazy shit,

So, I'm the leader of a school club

How the hell did that happen? :/

Re: My Failure

Yeah, so I fail. Sue me.



(The above is in response to this and the discussion revolving around it)

Re: NIMF Nimrods

I was perusing the 'net looking for info about my new favorite obsession, and I stumbled onto this:

NIMF Disappointed with Nintendo

"Hardcore gamers have been anxiously awaiting MadWorld for a long time. But not everyone is happy to see the stylish, kill-happy game arrive. The National Institute on Media and the Family (NIMF) issued a press release this morning complaining that Nintendo has "shed its 'family friendly' reputation with MadWorld's release."

"The release of MadWorld for the Wii brings violent videogames to a once family-friendly platform," said Dr. David Walsh, president of the National Institute on Media and the Family. "In MadWorld, gamers use the Wii Remote to make the necessary physical actions to chainsaw an opponent in half, impale an enemy with a signpost or decapitate a victim with a golf club. MadWorld is another reminder that parents need to make sure they watch what their kids watch and play what their kids play."

Ha ha. :P MadWorld brings violent games to the platform? What is wrong with these guys? Violence has been a staple of the Wii game library forever. No More Heroes, House of the Dead, all incarnations of Resident Evil, the more recent Deadly Creatures, and of course the shitstorm that was Manhunt 2. Hell, one of the release titles for the Wii was RedSteel! Nintendo may like their casual players and family-friendly games, but the 3rd-party devs still love the hardcore gamers, and Nintendo obviously has no intention of banning these games from their hardware, violent or not.

Whatever. This stuff is still sensitive material. I'm turning 22 in like a week, and I still got carded buying the game. R-rated movies and mature tv shows don't even have that kind of security around them. I really don't see why parents have to point fingers and play scapegoat games when it comes to something as fundamental as raising their kids. You can't blame videogames for your failure of a child. If the kid's under 17, they shouldn't be able to get M-rated games anyway. As for the more important part, before your kids get ahold of violent stuff like this, it's the job of the parents to educate their kids on the differences between fantasy and reality. Hell, you can't even swing a real-life chainsaw around that easily. It's got too much inertia. Don't ask how I know that.

So, rather than continue arguing the same point that's been on the books for years, I'm going to dismiss this as yet another case of powerless peons pointing fingers because they think they have to control absolutely everything their child is every exposed to if they hope to raise anything but a menace to society. A child is the sum of all the love, attention and discipline you put into them. If you're doing your job right to begin with, some bloody games shouldn't be able to shake that. I play plenty of violent games, and I'm not a total antisocial psycho-

Okay, bad example there. But you get my point. Okay, see you around, kiddies. Peace and love. And chainsaws. :)

Michael Pittarelli Raped My Mind

I just got out of one of the most excrutiating lectures of my life. And believe me, that's saying something. I've had some awful teachers before, but this one takes the cake. I can sit through mind-numbingly boring and ineffectual lectures, but most professors I've had, however dull and convoluted their lectures become, usually stop short of being physically painful to listen to. Mike Pittarelli crosses that line running. Seriously, I've had bouts of food poisoning less painful than the experience of listening to this man talk for two hours.

First of all, he takes the full class period, and in fact runs out of time at the end, to discuss maybe 30 minutes of material. This is because he has a very confused, misguidedly casual approach to lecturing. It's never really clear what point he's trying to get across, just that he's trying like hell to make it. You can only hope to guess at what information he's hoping to convey, while he aimlessly circles the point of the story for what feels like hours, occasionally straying close to the point but never really reaching it. It's kind of like watching a bashful young schoolboy trying to work up the courage to ask out the preppy cheerleader.

Then, after ten minutes of ambling about like a late-onset Alzheimer's patient, just when you think he's about to make the point he's been working toward the whole time, he stops and switches to a new topic, wandering off in a completely different direction than you expected. If there is a more perfect living example than this of a functional adult with severe ADD, I have yet to encounter them.

I also don't understand how he can possibly justify jumping back and forth between chapters the way he does. There's a reason the more advanced stuff is saved for 200 pages later in the book: if you present them all together just because they seem related, it makes the whole discussion too confusing for new students to follow. At least, I'm pretty sure the discussion would've been confusing, if I in any way had the ability to continue listening, but by then I had lost all will to go on living, let alone keep listening to him prattle on about decomposing and rejoining database relations.

In short, I don't have a RateMyProfessors account, but this experience made me consider it. Guys like this may have some talent in their given field, but Mike clearly has done too much acid in his heyday to adequately teach his craft to impressionable youngsters like myself, and it's a terrible shame that he's allowed to continue doing it. If anybody else has him, I'd love some tips on how to survive this class, which is a requirement for pretty much every other class in my major.

EDIT: I found his profile on RateMyProfessors:
http://ratemyprofessors.com/ShowRatings.jsp?tid=74984
I guess I'm not the only one who's noticed. Of course, not many raters on the site had him for 350, which I do. I think the only reason people like/pass his class is because he does the same open book/notes tests that Sam Sengupta does, except Mike has a weird grading curve where having 53% on a test can net you a B+ or so. And at least Sam was bearable to listen to in lecture. I learned quite a bit without even reading the book. Mike lost me in a hurry. I think I might be better off just reading the book and sleeping through his lectures.

Hey, guess what?

My life's kind of boring. MadWorld, however, is fun. Thus, my time is being divided to allow more for MadWorld than for life. One-A-Day energy supplements don't seem to work for me, but the natural high of vivisecting things still does alright. Who knows, maybe one of these days I'll actually find the time/energy/will to get that webcomic/game/video series of mine started. I doubt it'll happen soon, though, since it's something of a daunting task for someone who can't really draw, code, or even write all that well. Plus... vivisections are fun.

Also, Schunk fails.

Back again

So, I'm settling into my new room. So far, so good. The weather is absolute crap, and I spent most of the afternoon being overheated, wet, tired, itchy, and generally pissed off at everyone. On the bright side, my room is mostly pretty nice. The desk is a bit screwed up, since it doesn't have the movable shelves like I had last year. I mean, the shelves are here, but they're disconnected from the desk and there doesn't seem to be any easy way to stick them back in like there used to be. Weird.

Also, my desk has a huge gash in it. I hope there's someplace to report that so I don't end up paying for it.

I did finally get to watch another movie yesterday; Forgetting Sarah Marshall. Thing is, the movie was actually really good, and I somehow feel weird writing a review for a movie that had nothing really bad to rip it a new one for. So, I think I'll just call it a 4/5 and say I'd recommend it.

Well, I'm sure I'll have more to blog about when something actually happens here. In the meantime, I want to spend what's left of my weekend taking it easy. I love you all. Most of the time.

A Change of (Healthcare) Plans

Double meaning intended for that title.

Yeah, so, my plans for movie blowout week or whatever kind of fell through. I underestimated the amount of stuff I'd be doing this week, and I really haven't had the energy to sit through 2 and 3 hour movies than I'm only mildly interested in, let alone to sit down with a computer typing during the whole thing.

Again, this'll be easier all around when I'm at school and have a good desk to work with; it's a much more conducive writing environment. Plus, I bought some energy supplements to try, so I'm hoping that will help. That, and maybe if I can get a solid, uninterrupted night's sleep a couple times a week. I'm really useless when I don't get a good night's sleep, yet it's almost impossible to get one around here. Some vacation, huh? :P

Anyway, I don't know how many of my readers watch the Daily Show, but I'm guessing all four of you have heard about all this controversy surrounding the proposed healthcare bills currently going through Congress. As often happens, John and his guest's conversation ran long and they couldn't show the whole thing on tv. The parts missed last night are on the website now, and I recommend taking a look. It's pretty interesting stuff:

The Daily Show With Jon Stewart	Mon - Thurs 11p / 10c
Exclusive - Betsy McCaughey Extended Interview Pt. 1
www.thedailyshow.com
Daily Show Full Episodes Political Humor Healthcare Protests

The Daily Show With Jon Stewart	Mon - Thurs 11p / 10c
Exclusive - Betsy McCaughey Extended Interview Pt. 2
www.thedailyshow.com
Daily Show Full Episodes Political Humor Healthcare Protests