Wednesday, March 14, 2007

I ran into Santa Claus today

This is not a joke. I think I just met Santa Claus in person. He was in the men's room at Sears. I was drying my hands, and he was washing his hands at the sink next to me. He had a bushy white beard that looked just like Santa. He wasn't especially fat, though, so I didn't think anything of it. Then, when I was walking out of the men's room, I heard him whistling to himself. Just as I got past the door, I suddenly realized that the tune he was whistling was "We Three Kings."

Normally, I would think meeting a person like Santa Claus would be very cool, especially since I was dead sure before today that he didn't exist. However, there was a problem. You see, just before I left the men's room, he offered me a friendly greeting. Now, being that a) I'm an anti-social dick, and b) He's some random guy I just met in a bathroom, I really didn't want to talk to him, and I didn't realize who he was at the time. So, I just sort of gave a muffled courtesy 'Hi' and walked out of the room. It wasn't until I got out of the room and heard the jolly whistling that it hit me who he was.

So, I think that settles it: I'm going to hell. If it wasn't a sure thing before, it is now. I don't know how serious a sin you have to commit to guarantee a ticket to hell, but I'm pretty sure that rudely and ignorantly snubbing St. Nick is on that list of things that'll get you a seat on the train to Hades.

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