I'm wearing this pair of jeans I've had for a couple months now. I can't prove it, but I think they've somehow become self-aware, and now they're trying to slowly kill me. Frankly, I can't blame them. If I had to be pressed up tight against the crotch of a guy like me all day, I'd get homicidal, too.
Here's the thing: I mentioned how I've had them for a while. Normally, when you get a new pair of jeans, the first time you wear them is the tightest they'll ever be. Every wear thereafter, your girth slightly stretches the denim, giving them a more comfortable lived-in fit. This is true of almost every other pair of jeans I have. Sure, they can get a little stiff again if I haven't worn them in a while, but otherwise they're no problem.
But this pair... I swear, I've worn them at least once a week, every week since mid-September, and they're actually getting tighter. It sounds impossible, but there's no other explanation. I'm not gaining weight; believe me, if you'd seen the quality of food they offer at the dining hall, you'd know that's not possible. My appetite disappears long before I've eaten enough to put on any weight.
Of course, I'm open to any other logical explanations people might have, such as the cold weather or the detergent I'm using. In the meantime, I'm going to keep wearing these suckers purely out of spite. As far as I'm concerned, it's a battle of honor now. This isn't going to end until one of us breaks. Either I stop wearing them, or they secede and start loosening up so I can wear them comfortably.
There's no way I'm giving in, though. It's not in me. I've always had an all-or-nothing personality; I don't back down from any garment, denim or otherwise. Besides, I'd be a fool to stop wearing them. Tight or no, they make my ass look sexy as hell.
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