Monday, September 11, 2006

Megapost: The Ultimate Stupidity of Man

This is bound to offend someone, so if I offend you here today, I’d just like to go on record as saying the following:

“I don’t care. If you’re too sensitive to handle the opinions of another human being, you shouldn’t be on the internet in the first place.”

Before I get into the heart of the matter at hand, I have something important to get off my chest. This is an important message to the makers of Visual C++: You are retarded. You throw in all kinds of buttons that anyone with any programming experience at all will never use. You give me multiple options for just how I want to compile or debug my program, when I really only need two: compile and debug. Hell, you even set up this thing at the bottom that automatically shows where in the code you can find reference to whatever object I have highlighted. I have no use for such a thing, though I can see how you’d think someone would. Yet somehow, amongst all these fabulously overabundant buttons and menus, the rather rudimentary idea of including a “run” button to test the output of the program never occurred to you. What the fuck do you think I’ve been writing the program for? I want to run the damn thing, you fucking idiots. And no, I don’t count a “start without debug” option hidden halfway down the debug menu to be a button. I didn’t even know that option was there, let alone what the hell it did, until I went on the help site and someone was nice enough to point it out. How stupid does someone have to be to put in so many superfluous build and debug options that no one will use half of them, yet the concept of simply running the program you just wrote doesn’t cross your mind? I beg of you, please either kill yourselves or get circumcised. We can’t have pond scum like you mucking up the gene pool.

While I’m sure that seemed completely random, it actually ties in with the main topic of today’s super-sized post. In case everyone you have every known in your entire life didn’t already tell you, today is the anniversary of September 11th, 2001, the day that two Boeing aircraft crashed into the World Trade Center, another into the Pentagon, and one more crashed out in a field in Pennsylvania or something, but no one talks about that one much. It was a sad day, indeed. Many people lost their lives, and today we take time out of our day to remember them.

However, that is not the reason I am talking about this. You see, September the 11th has a special significance for me. For a long time, it meant the same to me as it must to everyone else: a terrible tragedy which we should never forget. However, about a year ago this day took on a whole new meaning for me. I was browsing about on the internets, as I often do, and I stumbled upon something called “The 9/11 Conspiracy Theory”. Now, at first I thought, “Wha? Someone doesn’t think it was a terrible tragedy?” However, the real matter here was far more sinister than something like not caring about loss of human life. I’m used to the idea of some people simply not caring about others, but this thing was rather new to me. There was apparently this theory going around that perhaps the 9/11 hijackings weren’t what we all thought they were. Though there have been different versions of this, I think the prevailing one is that the hijackings were orchestrated by the United States government, or agents thereof. Now, I will not take a position on this either way. I am going to reserve my judgment and remain neutral, because I’m afraid doing otherwise will cause my mind to collapse and reduce me to a drooling mental defective who has to be fed baby food and changed regularly due to tragic loss of bowel control. Confused? Don’t worry, it makes more sense in a second.

Obviously, for every argument, there’s a counter-argument saying that the first argument is wrong. Typically, both sides present evidence to support their own claims, or debunk the claims of the opposing side. While arguments such as these don’t usually have a “winner,” as the losing side usually refuses to give up their view despite being obviously wrong, the evidence presented tends to point toward one party being right and one being wrong, or perhaps in some instances to both being wrong.

Unfortunately, this is not how the debate over this issue went down. No, the debate actually went down in such a way that it actually warped my entire paradigm of thought to the point that I couldn’t look a fellow human being the face for days.

First off, if you’d like to see the arguments yourself, they are available on the internet in a variety of places, but wikipedia seems to have the most complete compilation. Plus, they have links to other sources at the bottom of the page.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/9/11_conspiracy_theories

Now, let’s examine a couple of pieces of evidence that come up a lot.

1)
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The video evidence showing an object hitting the pentagon at high speed. Both sides attempted to use this as a way to support their side. The anti-conspiracy guys claimed that this was evidence that there was no conspiracy, which is total bullshit. It has been claimed that the government seized all video evidence to cover up their diabolical scheme, so why would they release this video to the public, the anti-conspirators ask? Well, I have a fairly simple answer to that: because you can’t tell shit from that video. All you get is one frame where to can almost see the tip of the object. That’s also used by the pro-conspirators. They claim they can tell by looking at that tip of the object that it is a missile, or at least can conclusively prove that it wasn’t a passenger jet. That is also bullshit. Like I said, you can’t tell anything from the video. So, you can see why I have a hard time taking sides on the matter. Supporters of both sides are talking out of their asses. They claim to have the answers, but they’re really just full of it, and I have no way of knowing which of them, if either, is right.

2)
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Wow, that's a big image. Anyone on dialup should be sure to open that in a different window.

The aftermath of the explosion, depicted in photos of the crash site. First off, they have the gaping hole in the wall of the pentagon. First strike goes to pro-conspirators: they say it was a missile because you can clearly see that the windows surrounding the hole aren’t broken. Really, in that photo above, they sure as hell look broken to me, but that's really not the most reliable evidence. As far as I can tell, the photo was taken with a telephoto lens from somewhere in New Jersey. The photo above is the only one I found taken at a high enough resolution to see the windows at all. Then there’s the hole itself: the pro-conspirators say it had to be made by a small missile, because it was far too small to be made by a big jet. I think they said the hole was something like 20ft tall. The anti-conspirators said that the hole was roughly the same height as the jet would have been, which was much larger than 20ft. Both sides look at the same photo of a hole, but somehow measure two different sizes. In case you haven’t guessed, that means at least one of them is full of shit.

3)

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The debris. Probably the best pro-conspiracy argument, though that’s really not saying much. They wonder, if a huge jet really crashed here, why don’t we see a huge mangled fuselage in any of the photos? I don't really have a good rebuttal for that one.

However, the part that really gets me is the argument over the pieces they do find.
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There's a photo showing a piece of an engine. The anti-conspirators took one look at it and said “Yes, that’s definitely a Boeing engine.” The pros looked at it and said, “You can tell from the design, that’s not an engine from a Boeing.” They then show photos of a Boeing engine for comparison, which you still can’t tell shit from since the piece of engine in question is charred beyond recognition. Again, do you see the dilemma? Two people look at the exact same photograph, but say they see two different things.

There is no #4. If you see the number 4 appear on the list, it means the code got screwed up somehow and I'm too lazy and inexperienced to fix it.

So, what does this mean? Obviously, it means that at least one of them, if not both, is full of shit. However, the magnitude of the shit could be worse than you thought. I almost hope there is a conspiracy being covered up here, because blatant lying is probably the best case scenario at this point, as far as my faith in the government, and humanity in general, goes.

Allow me to explain. When someone is wrong, it can typically be for one of three reasons:

1) The Bold-Faced Lie. The person in question knows what they said is wrong, but are lying to your face to deceive you. It’s crooked and underhanded, but I think it beats the opposite end of the spectrum.

2) The Save-Face Lie. I made that term up, and plan to copyright it. This is when they don’t know what they are talking about, but they try to bullshit their way through it to make you think they know what they are talking about. I am inclined to like this scenario better. It’s really a hard decision: would you rather have your government be deceitful and corrupt, or just have no clue what the fuck they’re doing? However, it’s safe to say I’d gladly take either of those over the last one:

3) The Confused Bigot. This is when they aren’t lying at all. They honestly believe that they are right, even though they are clearly wrong. They often ignore evidence and logic alike to support their point of view, and really have no place among sentient human society.

4)

Number 3 is my ultimate fear. Well, technically my ultimate fear is having my erect penis split in half directly down the middle with a sharp object, but that’s beside the point. My next to ultimate fear is the fear of having to deal with a number 3.

In fact, I honestly believe I will die in an argument with a number 3. I will show them evidence of why they are wrong, but they will disregard it without justification. I will rebut their counterpoints, and they will just get red in the face and state their counterpoints louder. I will start to lose my patience and hit them with a chain of logic and evidence that surely no one can resist. Then, they will respond by saying something in their defense that does not defend them in any way. They will use a chain of logic of their own that is so flawed that it’s utterance would make the ground shift from the sudden force of every thinking man in the history of the world turning over in his grave. They would utter this phrase that is so stupid, I cannot imagine it yet.

Surely, upon hearing this blasphemy against all things rational, my mind will collapse like a piece of rotten fruit. My jaw will drop so hard in disbelief that it will come unhinged. My eyeballs will pop clear out their sockets. Blood will spray out of my ears and nose like someone just turned on a faucet. My entire body will spontaneously combust. Then, finally, in an unearthly scream of pure agony, my head will explode like that guy from Scanners, sending chunks of skull and meat and gray matter all over the place, leaving nothing but a cauterized stump where my head should be. Finally, my bloody smoldering carcass will collapse to the ground, utterly defeated by the ultimate stupidity of man.

2 comments:

  1. Niiiicccccceeeeee. Personally I think the whole conspiracy thing is a steaming load, but that's just me.

    ReplyDelete
  2. Anonymous11:51 AM

    My idea is that they didn't cause the crashes, but may have known about them ahead of time and didn't stop them knowing full well the ramifications of their actions thus being able to turn the country into a big giant hole of debt warmachine while the people in charge get rich.

    Unfortunatly its always been like this, and there have been conspiracies for forever... The only reason you hear so much about it right now is because of the mass amount of free information (due to the internets!)

    ...This is why governments hate the internet. Goodbye freedom of information by 2015!

    *crazy*

    -Jordan

    ReplyDelete