Monday, November 20, 2006

Suitemate Blues - Rosenblum, Read This:

I don't interact with my suite-mates much, so we usually don't have any real serious problems. However, the community bathroom has apparently become a hot-spot for activities which are apparently designed for the express purpose of pissing me off. Today, a number of them have come together to put me in one really bad mood.

First, a little setup. There's a towel rack on the wall in our bathroom that is broken. It holds towels just fine, but it's not properly secured to the wall. It falls apart if you pull out on it from the wall. It can handle the downward weight of a towel, but if you the pull the towel off the rack in a clumsy manner, the towel rack falls apart and clatters to the floor. Now, I will admit I was guilty of causing it to do this once. Once. That's it. I put it back together and never did it again. Now, someone else is breaking the thing on a regular basis. I know this, because they never have the courtesy to put the thing back together. They just leave the pieces on the floor for me to find next time I enter the bathroom. I've had to fix the thing at least a dozen times over the course of the semester. Now, I realize I'm better at putting shit together than some people, but the way I see it, if you break it, you should fix it, not leave it there for me. Not knowing how to put it back together is no excuse. I'm not asking you to reassemble a fucking computer hard drive. It's two fucking pieces. It's not that complicated.

Another point that has become more prevalent lately is the toilet paper. Our toilet paper supply is not running out, but that's no excuse to squander it. I've had to change the toilet paper roll 3 times in the past two days because some jackass keeps using up the entire fucking roll, then leaving the empty cardboard thing there for me to take care of. Now, I can almost understand having some reservations about the grandiose task of reassembling a broken towel rack, but come on. This is changing the toilet paper roll. No one is so fucking stupid that they can't figure out how to do it. When you finish off an entire roll of paper by yourself, which is in itself a crime against God in my opinion, you should at least have the courtesy to replace the cardboard holder with a fresh roll from the bag sitting under the sink. For that matter, you really shouldn't be using up an entire fucking roll of toilet paper in a single day. That is beyond sick.

So, I'm pretty certain these acts are being committed by the same person. Why? Because just now I went to the bathroom, and I found a dismantled towel rack sitting on the floor, an empty cardboard roll that I had just replaced last night, and the icing on the cake, a huge floater in the toilet that was apparently too difficult for this person to both shit and flush. Well, that tore it. I'm finding out who this guy is, and I won't have any mercy. I already have a guess, too. Rosey, if it's you, you'd better either come over here and apologize to me in person, or pray to God I never find conclusive proof that it's you. If I do find conclusive proof, I will not hesitate to rip the towel rack off the wall and beat your fat ass to death with it.

1 comment:

  1. Anonymous2:35 AM

    Rosie is the genetic opposite of men of reason such as us.

    I'm tempted to do a follow up to the something awful awful link of the day and submit an article entitled

    "Dear Something Awful, you've empowered a retarded fuck up, who isn't just a failure at life, but is a failure at being a failure at life, and not in the good way that indicates a lack of failure"

    But im sort of afraid i'd get sued by his parents for defamation or something. they seem like the rich type... I'd need your parent's high powered political skills and lawyering to get me out of that...

    my dads a lumberjack it wouldnt do me much good...